Enemies to Lovers

DISCLAIMER: This is my OPiNIOn. I am human. I am biased. My word is not law. You can like or dislike whatever the heck you want. If you disagree with my review, that is completely okay. Then let’s both move on. I genuinely hope you have a great day.

Much like the dynamic of the characters involved in this trope, my feelings around it are very complicated. On a surface level, I can understand the appeal. When you have two individuals faced with the same problem that have diametrically opposed solutions, it's interesting. If executed properly, in which both sides are well fleshed out, both of their motives line up with their personality, both are sympathetic, and the transformation from foes to friends is properly, patiently developed, it can be a fun, satisfying, and even heartwarming ride.

Unfortunately, said good execution rarely happens (at least in the books I've read). To put it bluntly, I find this concept overrated at best and extremely damaging at its worst, so I’m going to break down why I dislike it. It can be summed up in three main reasons:

1. It fetishizes abuse.
2. It makes everyone look stupid.
3. There are better alternatives.

Without further ado, let us begin!

Section One: Assault, but make it SEXY.

I want to make something very clear. I’m not saying that authors shouldn’t be allowed to write toxic, abusive, and unhealthy relationships. In fact, I think they should be encouraged to do so. Keep in mind that this can apply to platonic interactions as well. I believe educating people, especially young, impressionable, vulnerable people, about those subjects through storytelling is one of the best ways to protect them from it in the future. It only starts to become a problem when the toxic, abusive, or unhealthy relationship in question is marketed as desirable, thereby teaching teens and kids to run directly at the warning signs instead of running away.

If you don’t know if the dynamic in your romance novel is problematic or not, re-read some of the scenes, but imagine the love interest as your sleep paralysis demon (unless your sleep paralysis demon is attractive). If it suddenly becomes a horror movie or a psychological thriller, maybe rewrite it.

There’s developing a relationship between two characters who indulge in some playful jabs/light bickering/opposing worldviews that clash from time to time but grow to truly care about each other. This is what I think most people really mean when they say “enemies to lovers.”

Then there’s pairing your screaming, agonized, fire engulfed protagonist with the person who doused them in oil and threw a match at them.

Honestly, I don’t have a problem with violence. Fighting brings out the worst in both of the characters. The gorier, the better. The higher the stakes, the better. It’s a great introduction for the antagonist because it really sells them as a threat. Even if the battle is verbal instead of physical, it can still get pretty tense. When it’s verbal AND physical, you reach peak entertainment. It’s ugly. It’s painful. It’s dark, but it’s fun. It’s exciting. I love writing it. I love reading it. I probably need to see a therapist. My inner sadist - ahem, I mean, my inner author lives for it.

Beating each other up as a basis for complete, utter hatred and fury? Beautiful.

Beating each other up as a basis for a friendship or love story? Depends on how severe the physical or psychological injuries are. Even more importantly, it depends on whether the parties apologize/make up for/take responsibility for the pain they caused. Even remorse, no matter how sincere, doesn’t cut it either in certain situations. Just because you brought flowers and you’re genuinely sorry you hit them or shoved them into glass doesn’t change the fact that they’re in the emergency room. That’s how abusers keep their victims locked in the cycle.

The key here is that they follow through with their promises, put in the effort to change themselves, and try to protect the protagonist from harm rather than inflict harm on them. The majority of the time, the wounds are very, very deep. Furthermore, the only “apology” (see; excuse) the person who inflicted said wounds provides is to deflect the blame, minimize the victims’ suffering, or just point out that they’re super hot.

The villain could be punching the hero in the stomach, insulting them until they cry, and the freaking fandom will be like “I smell husband material.” Do you know what I smell? BULLYING.

The villain could be holding a knife to the hero’s throat, pinning them against the wall, and covering their mouth with their hand and the readers will be like “I WISH I WAS IN THEIR POSITION.” I’m like, “A POSITION TO DIE?”

Side note: I might be overreacting, but I’ve realized that many of the physiological signs authors describe in books to indicate attraction (ie. racing heart, sweaty palms, out of breath, shivers down the spine, etc.) are actually very similar to what happens to my body when I get nightmares, flashbacks, or anxiety attacks, so do with that information what you will.

Sexual tension? More like EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION.

Section Two: Love is Blind...to Common Sense.

I sincerely wish I could tell you I was joking when I say I once read a beautifully illustrated webtoon with an incredible premise and great P.O.C. representation that was immediately ruined when the heroine ended up falling in love with the guy who killed her best friend.

Homegirl went from “I’m gonna slash his stomach open” to “Bow chicka wow wow. Does that stomach have six abs? Sign me up.” She said, "I'm 'bout to throw hands with this dipstick", and three days later she said, "I'm 'bout to hold hands with this dipstick."

If I was in this chick’s place, that guy would’ve been dead in half a page.

You could be the prettiest person in the world, but if you laid a finger on my best friend and she didn’t like it, I’d get my meat tenderizer and your face wouldn’t be pretty for much longer.

What happened to slow burn? What happened to truly putting the work into earning peoples' trust? What happened to these female protagonists' last two brain cells? Did they really lose them to a nice jawline? Sis was already too dumb to know whether she was holding her breath or not, and just when I thought she couldn’t get stupider, she proved me wrong again. I applaud her.

Does every single YA author seem to think that when a girl sees a moderately good-looking dude, it triggers a biological mechanism in their cerebral cortex that automatically lowers their IQ into the negatives and lowers their standards to the bottom of the Mariana Trench?

I read a book where the male love interest referred to the female protagonist as “she” instead of “it” and the side character freaked out because he *gasp* didn’t dehumanize her?!

Since when did basic decency become the exception?

Then there’s the whole “I can fix him!” shtick.

Yeah, right, Savior Complex. He’s a psychopath, not a lego set. You’re no Bob the Builder. You’re no Handy Manny. You’re no Fix-It-Felix. Even Jesus can’t fix him and he could walk on water. You can’t even walk without tripping cutely because you’re so clumsy and ditsy and not like other girls. What makes you think you can change that butthole into a decent human being?

Real talk: some people are just jerks, okay? Save your love for someone who is truly worthy of it. Save your kindness for someone who’ll show that same care and affection to you. Not a trash pile in the shape of a well-sculpted human being.

This might be controversial, too, but I think that softening up the villain makes them a lot more boring. I'm basic. I like villains that are absolute devils. They're death incarnate and they're not ashamed of it in the slightest. They're not afraid of getting their hands dirty. They'll do anything to stay in power. The world did them wrong and they are going to return the favor. The crueler they are, the more interesting they are. Having them adhere to a moral compass might add more depth and substance, but making them have no moral compass is just as, if not more, fascinating. I want to root for them and root for their downfall at the same time. I came here to see them wreak some havoc, not drool over a protagonist with the personality of a piece of cardboard.

And just saying, I have never read a male-led YA book or movie where the guy protagonist falls in love with a female villain or feels obligated to facilitate her redemption or gets distracted in the middle of the fight because she has decent boobs. You murder a male protagonist’s best friend and it is ON SIGHT.

But when you murder a female protagonist’s best friend, it’s LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

Apparently, there’s a movie out there where a colored girl falls in love with a NAZI. A BLACK GIRL. FALLS IN LOVE. WITH A WHITE SUPREMACIST. WHO SUPPORTS A REGIME THAT WANTS TO EXTERMINATE HER RACE.

Oh god, why?

Section Three: Friends to Lovers Needs More Love.

Unlike enemies-to-lovers, I literally cannot think of a downside to this trope. The chances of it being toxic are near zero. It’s adorable, especially if they’ve known each other since childhood. The progression from best friend to boy/girlfriend is a lot smoother than evil overlord to boy/girlfriend, so it’s easier to write for the author and it also feels more natural to the reader. It’s more realistic. Every good relationship starts with a solid friendship, or at least a solid mutual friendship.

Ask any healthy, happily married couple that’s been together for at least five years. None of them are going to be like, “Yeah, they scarred me for life, so obviously, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them.”

On the other hand, if you’re a sucker for angst like me, you could try the reverse: Lovers-to-enemies. It’s unexpected. The heartbreak. The loss of innocence and naivete. The mixture of internal and external conflict. The agony. The tragedy. OH, the humanity!

So many books explore what it feels like to fall in love, but too little explore what it’s like to fall out of love and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

People make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes are other people. People can be complete angels when they’re apart but turn into complete demons around each other. People are flawed. People are three-dimensional and three-dimensional characters make for amazing stories.

Conclusion

Now to finally answer my question: do I like enemies-to-lovers?

Well, I just wrote a whole article about why I'm not the biggest fan, so I'm going to have to say NAH.

Hopefully, I can find a piece of media out there that does it justice, but until then I'm keeping my distance.

Thanks for reading!