Emily, are you listening to me?

"Emily, are you listening to me?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you smiling? You haven't smiled in such a long time."

"Curious much?"

"Well, I care for you, Emily."

Emily disengages.

"Why do you like being hurt so much?"

"It gives me a reason to be sad."

"Don't you think that's a bit selfish?"

"Well, it's where I find comfort, I know that's not normal but I'm sure one day I'll learn to find happiness on my own."

"You say that all the time..."

~

"Do I ever learn."

Or do I just like being hurt?

Maybe I have learnt that ones who hurt me the most, is the one who cares for me the most.

Something primal in me yearns to be seen, known, understood - even if understanding comes at the edge of a knife.

My wounds speak for myself when I cannot find the words, crying out our longing to those who would hurt me.

And so, I return, again and again, to his hands that harmed me, hoping that behind their blows lies a heart that cares...

~~

Why Do I keep doing this to myself?

I keep putting myself back,

Into harm...

But I like it,

It makes me feel safe,

It makes me feel happy.

It makes me realize there are people that care for my existence,

But,

That's the lore of love,

You have to let people hurt you,

So, you can feel love.

Love is dangerous,

It's like an untamed beast,

Impossible to control~

~~

"Emily, are you listening to me?"

"Hm?"

"I asked, what was the first time you felt love?"

"The first time I felt love?"

"Yeah, what was it like?"

"Uh, I don't believe in falling in love.

"What does that mean?"

"I thought what him and I had was real..."

"Hm?"

"That the way he used looked at me meant as much to me as it would to anyone. But I was just a passing fascination for him, I'm sure I was."

~~

"I love you."

"Do you though..."

"I do, Emily. Why do you never listen to me."

"Because how am I supposed to trust you from everything you've done."

"You cannot leave me, Emily. You can't. I can't afford to lose you when your all I have."

"Okay, I'll stay... one more time."

~~

"What happened after that?"

"I stayed with him again."

"After he did all that to you?"

Emily nods.

"You'll never learn."

"What's with all this learning, I'm happy, I feel loved, but now everyone else is unhappy all the sudden?"

"He cheated on you, Emily."

"It was a mistake."

"Are you going to forever back every guy who hurts you?"

~~

"What's your deal... I feel like you like, but then you don't like me." - Emily asks.

"It's. I don't know, I don't want to do it like this, I hate confrontation."

"If you care about this relationship enough, you will be confronting your love to me. Do you not love me anymore? WHAT IS IT?"

He cries, breaking down into tears of regret and sadness.

"I CAN'T DO THIS. I don't know what's wrong with me."- He breaks down more.

And there I was, comforting him. Giving him the support, he should be giving me.

"I forgive you."

"You do?"

"Well, your sorry right? That's enough to prove you still love me, right?"- Emily waits for a response.

"Yeah, I am sorry."

"See, it was just a mistake. I could never get mad at you."

"I love you, Emily."

"I love you too."

~

~~

Authors Notes:

Thank you so much for reading! 💗

*Calling myself Emily*