Don't Wear White Shorts

Awkward....well that doesn’t even begin to explain the feelings I had that day! Do you remember being 12? Just trying to fit in, wanting to spend time with your friends and thinking wow my parents don’t understand me at all

My awkward, so embarrassing and unforgettable day started when I was having issues sleeping, my stomach felt like knives were inside trying to get out, I felt like I was dying. Where did these cramps come from, why do I feel like I gained 10 pounds and why do I feel so icky?

Naive as I was, I had no idea what was happening to me, I got up at least five times going into the bathroom and sat there quietly crying in pain. In the morning I forced myself to get ready for school, it was the first hot day of the year, so I decided to wear my favorite white shorts, they were comfortable and made me look like I had at least a little tan. Picking the best outfit, the one that made me feel good but of course also look good, was what consumed most of time in the mornings. Oh, and fixing my hair, my hair was thick and curly, and I never knew if it was going to be a quick easy fix or if it was going to take an hour to fix.

Getting ready I still wasn’t feeling myself but I figured it would pass and so I didn’t share with my mom or anyone how I felt. I was tired and figured it was from not sleeping well. I felt bloated but thought once I got moving that would go away. I felt like crying but thought that might be because I was tired. As I grabbed my backpack and headed out for the day, I took one more look in the mirror. Outfit cute, hair looked good, felt lousy but a nice smile would be able to hide any feeling of “yuckiness” that I was experiencing.

Walking to school, each leg felt so heavy, like it had cement blocks covering my feet. I kept moving forward anyway. Boom, Boom, Boom. I walked into school just as the bell rang and my teacher gave me “the look” as I scooted into the classroom.

The heat already felt unbearable at this early in the morning. The blades on the box fan spun as we tried to hear our teacher over the noise. I was mesmerized by the spinning blades as my mind went into daydreaming mode, keeping me awake as I fantasized about what I would love to be doing instead of sitting in this classroom. Laying on the beach, enjoying a sea breeze and the smell of the ocean. My hair was blowing around from the fan but in my mind, it was the wind from the sea.

We moved like a school of fish to our next classrooms, weaving in and out of the crowd – high fives and quick chats with our friends. I slid into my seat in my cooking class, smelling the yummy muffins my teacher had already baked, an example of what our muffins should look like – suddenly my stomach spoke in gurgles warning me that hunger was starting to overwhelm me.

Mixers whirring, girls (at this time no boys signed up for cooking) laughing as we chatted while stirring and pouring. Chocolate muffin smells all around. My stomach started cramping again and I was unsure if I was getting “those” cramps again or if hunger was getting the best of me. I still pushed forward. I started to feel something even stranger, wetness. Did I spill water on myself? How could I? I have an apron on and my apron would be wet. Oh well, I must be imagining things, I thought as I munched away on a warm chocolate muffin, my stomach happy at last.

Lab was my next class, we were dissecting frogs, going from smelling chocolate muffins baking to the smell of a science lab initiated a completely different reaction from my senses. I joined my lab partners at the table. I still felt wetness but hadn’t had time to go into the bathroom in between classes. My lab partners were all girls too, and friends of mine, so I quietly whispered to them. “I have had these horrible cramps all night and just don’t feel like myself. I feel like someone else has taken over my body. Have you guys experienced that?” My friend looked at me and said, “did you start your period?”

I couldn’t believe that I didn’t think of that. I really had never discussed it with anyone and none of my friends had started, my only information on this topic came from the TV shows I watched. The friend that asked me if I started my period had an older sister. So, she went into all the horrific things that her sister warned her about. She explained to me what I needed to get and all four of us listened intently to her advice. We were in awe about her knowledge on the topic, but what she said was scaring me. I didn’t want to have this monthly visitor. Eventually my friends and I would refer to it as “going to the mall”, I have no idea where we got that phrase. Later, when I knew more about the topic, being the “expert” since I was the first one to start out of all our friends, I realized that almost all the things my friends sister had told her, were just to scare her and were incorrect.

Walking quickly to my next class I felt like everyone was staring out me, one girl that I did not get along with pointed at me and whispered to her friend, laughing. I had no idea what she was pointing at and I looked behind me to see if there was something I was missing. In PE class I went into the locker room and stopped suddenly as the person in the mirror that was staring at me had huge red blotches all over her shorts. I could not believe it. My face started turning the color of my shorts I immediately went into the bathroom to see what I could do and there was nothing I could think of. I ran as fast as I could to the nurse’s office and all she could offer me was a sweatshirt from the lost and found so that I could wrap it around myself. I felt like a spotlight was on me as I went to gather my stuff and leave. I just knew that everyone in the school had seen me and would be making fun of me. Why did this have to happen to me? Of all people why did Jennifer see it?

My parents were both working so I walked home, tears streaming down my face the whole time. I never wanted to return to school again. At home I went through my mom’s stuff trying to find what I needed to take care of this. She didn’t have the supplies my friend said to use, the stuff she had didn’t look like anything I wanted to use. I laid down and cried myself to sleep and when my mom got home, she found me still sleeping the pillow soaked with tears. We had the “birds and bees” talk, that was fun! My mom came from a family that didn’t discuss these things and I think she was more embarrassed then I was, if that was possible. Then she topped it off by saying, “oh and now you can get your ears pierced.” For years, I begged to get my ears pierced and she would say is you can when you become a woman. I guess that meant I was now a woman, ugh, I thought, you can take it back if that is what I need to do to get my ears pierced.

At school the next day, “supplies” in my backpack, I was sure everyone was talking about me and I just knew that I would never survive this experience. I couldn’t even figure out how to go to the bathroom during class, without everyone seeing me grab my backpack and then knowing why I needed supplies. My horribly embarrassing awkward moment was the topic of conversation for about a week at school, until another student’s awkward moment was more interesting to talk about it. For me, this moment was one that I will never forget!