Codependence

I loved you then, I love you now, I never imagined I could cry so loud. Looking back at what went wrong, wondering if what we had ever made us proud.

I know I didn't walk away when you warned me to. I kinda knew it would end this way. Especially when you dropped me off at that get better place, you were so worried about me not wanting you when I came home. You definitely didn't help any of those feelings as they rose inside of me while I was trying to find myself. Coming home to what I left, I never had a chance. Support was promised but never given, feeling torn from the inside out. I never would have thought we'd end this way. You and I, I and you. I couldn’t see a future that didn't involve you. With all the hateful, painful, ungrateful acts we have both committed, I now can’t see a fruitful outcome with you in it. It breaks me down to write it out, to see the words in front of me. My heart has shattered and continues to shred I'm losing my soulmate, my man. I gave you all I had to give and I’ve been left with nothing. I need to focus and get back up, Joe and Luke they need me more than ever now. You can’t take up that space in me any longer. I have to let you go for now, find ourselves, then, maybe after. For nothing is impossible and if our paths are supposed to meet, then I’ll see you there with a brighter seat.

I can’t see how the game came so easily. You said you loved me more than any, if that were so then how could you be so deceiving? Laying here and holding me, coming so naturally. The love we made, the passion felt. There's no faking that, I can't see how. The love I felt with you I’d not give it up for anything, I've never had such raw and real and I will not try again, If I can't have you I want no other. But not this version, I need my confident, intelligent, logical and unconditional lover back. My inner self keeps trying to find him, grab a hold and never let go. Instead we both get lost in jealousy, non-trusting, toxic, unhealthy behaviors. I don't see it ever stopping if we continue on this way. It's not the way I want to live. I know that you don't either. We both need time to find ourselves and decide what we are really after.

When this started this you were not mine and though we thought we got it there, I did believe you were, I came to realize you jumped straight from her to I. Not giving yourself time to heal from your last romantic encounter. I stole you away and I'm getting back my karma.

I loved you then, still love you now its two months later and not much has changed, we've lost our minds and insanity reigns. Again we try, we haven't got far. I've made some more choices and you've gone mad. All I can see is all the blood that you've lost. The rage, the hate, a terrifying sight I never thought I'd see. You pull your gun, I hide my face I can't look at you this way. What have we done, where have we come? Yet we both want to stay?

I loved you then, still love you now.

I should have walked away when the chance was there. Now we are stuck, two codependents, feigning the other whether it's good or bad. We are moving away maybe that will be the right change, or maybe it will be the death of us.

Two days have passed we've made it this far. You're still here and I am too. Hard work and effort we may have a chance. If we both fight and stay side by side. You are mine and I am yours. I hope this love last forever more. I have faith and so do you. Yet we both still hold resentment and guilt for all the hurtful acts of the past. Will it be worth it in the end? It doesn't matter because.....

I loved you then, still love you now.