Christmas With Cops

Being born and bred in the Southern US, holiday gatherings may seem a little... different than what the Hallmark cards portray. For starters, the holiday seasons around here usually coincide with hunting season. Being part of a family of avid hunters, it is not an uncommon sight to see antlers hanging on the walls and to overhear talk amongst my uncles and male cousins about their latest trophies. Furthermore, no holiday gathering is complete without the men in my family congregating outside to examine a new "toy" brought by one of the others and testing it out. Usually, it's some kind of firearm, but there are occasions when it differs.

As the title suggests, I do have family in law enforcement. Two of my uncles are police officers, and I love and respect them dearly for what they do every day to keep their community safe and peaceful. They're by far the most easy-going members of my family, with great senses of humor, which leads into this story.

I believe it was Christmas Eve 2013. Our annual potluck dinner had been eaten, and the small gifts we brought for our extended family members had been exchanged. As was tradition, next was my uncles' little show-and-tell venture. That year, instead of a firearm, my younger uncle had something different he wanted to show off: his new squad car.

He talked of nothing but that car for the entire meal, and all of us were curious to see it. This was a brand-new, top-of-the-line cruiser, with all the bells and whistles, and he was eager to show it off. So, we all gathered outside in the dark and freezing cold to take a look at it. Even I have to admit, the car was pretty sweet. It was a Dodge Charger, if my memory serves correctly, and it was a beast. My uncle proudly revved the engine and put on the flashing lights, which were embedded in the front grill instead of on top of the car like traditional police lights. Then... my cousin offered a suggestion.

She, like most of my family, has a wicked sense of humor, so she asked my uncle if he could put her husband in handcuffs. She wanted to take pictures of her husband "being arrested" for fun, and her husband and my uncle, being good sports, agreed. The whole family laughed hysterically at the scene, as my uncle went full Cop Mode; he read my cousin-in-law his Miranda rights, gave him a pat-down, everything. Seeing my fun-loving uncle like that was a little scary, and made me respect him that much more. For added effect, he even put the siren on for a few seconds. All the while, mind you, the squad car's lights were flashing.

I should mention that my uncle's house at the time was quite close to the road. Very few of us realized it in the moment, but what was happening could clearly be seen from the road. I remember watching several cars pass by, slowing down to rubber-neck at the scene going down on my uncle's front lawn. It was too dark to really see either my uncle or cousin-in-law, but I suppose from the road it looked like my uncle really was arresting my cousin-in-law. My parents, sisters and I agreed it was more than a little embarrassing afterward. My cousin, meanwhile, was in stitches and taking tons of pictures. She kept goading my uncle to taze him, too, but my uncle drew the line at that. I'm kind of grateful he did.

It might sound strange, but despite everything that happened that night, it was one of the last Christmases my family had that was actually really great. That's not the point of this story, though. The point here is that I will never forget that weird, scary yet funny Christmas Eve party... for better or for worse.