Cheerful Nihilism

By my various more than likely heathen belief systems, I do not like talking about myself. I know myself to a horrifying degree, I’m one of the foolish people who have delved into the self further than they should have. I’m the last thing I want to talk about. It’s like the ocean explaining water to a fish but in the spirit of community, I figured I’d vomit out some quirks and facts about myself. Unity and all that, after all, I joined a community to force myself out of my comfort zone and here we are. Now how did Lady Gaga put it that one song? Ma Ma ma ma, that boy is a monster?

1. I’m a Disney Princess. Well sort of, I have a lot in common with them unintentionally. I tend to burst into song at random times, have an undeserved grace when dancing, and small animals and birds have an inexplicable fascination with me. However, I can’t truly be a Disney princess as my parents are great and doing well and I think family tragedy or abandonment of some form is a prerequisite, at least by most of the old Disney standards that is. As you can tell by this, I don't really take things too seriously.

2. Unaturally Natural. I have a strange relationship with nature, as alluded to above. I don’t know if it wants me dead or wants to be my best friend, sometimes it seems to be a combination of the two. I used to be allergic to nature in the extreme but I grew out of it, also a mountain and I had a difference of opinions at one point and I almost died for it, but such is life. On the other end of the spectrum, I have an unorthodox relationship with wild animals and plant life thrives under my care with little effort. I accidentally petted a bat during a fireworks show, tickled a wild skunk in the woods, and have been involved in escalating encounters with bears over the years. Basically, I have an unspoken alliance with animals out of mutual respect and endless love. I truly adore animals and I like to think they feel the same. I have two cats with a total of three ears between them and they mean the world to me. If classes from games applied to real life I’d likely be labeled a druid whether I liked it or not. You should all be proud of the restraint I had there on not making a pun.

My tiny masters. Before you ask no, I didn’t pose them this just happened of its own accord. They don't listen to their lowly manservant anyway.

3. Cheerful Nihilism. Is the best way to describe my sense of humor and general life outlook. I’m simultaneously an incredibly upbeat positive person who loves people and helping and a wellspring of gallows humor. I love the grim and the dark, but I am a positive person. The two are not mutually exclusive by any means, if you think they are look no further than the living proof that is me. I’m also nearly impossible to offend due to my life views and I’ve been told I’m a paragon of patience. I'm also very non-judgemental. I’ll pretty much read anything my standard for dark is probably a lot higher than most in the Vocal community. I'm still not sure what constitutes a content warning here for certain aspects.

4. Motion & Mentality. I’m an only child and during the summer I was left at my grandma's while they worked. The neighborhood suffered a serious lack of kids my age so I took to the verdant fields of imagination in the solitude and that involved expending my vast energy reserves in the process. I would run all around and it would help me think. I never outgrew this habit and now whenever I’m moving my brain kicks into overdrive. I have worn down the carpet and flooring in a couple of houses from pacing and thinking. If I’m brainstorming I’m on the move be it walking dancing or flailing about like a madman. I’ve lost count of the socks reduced to heelless carcasses beneath my stride.

5. TTRPG Enthusiast. For anybody who has read anything I’ve written (thanks to the few who have), this should be pretty easy to ascertain. I started playing DnD a couple of years ago on a whim deciding to cross the threshold into a drop-in night at a local hobby shop, all by myself and then it sunk its talons into me. The clicky clack of math rocks took hold. I've since spread it to others like a devotee of a plague cult sneezing into a salad bar.

I love the storytelling aspect of it and the freedom to do whatever you please. I’m currently creating several adventures (like every obsessive nerd out there worth their salt). It’s likely going to be a series of forever projects and when they are ready I plan to share them with the world (I’m actually close to beta on a couple minor adventures at this point). TTRPG helped spark my venture into writing in general. Part of the reason I’m becoming more partial to writing is because it has a bit of the charm of managing an adventure and none of the rage-inducing scheduling conflicts. Turns out an adventure without players is just called writing a book. Who knew?

6. Drawn to Art. I’m an amateur illustrator if one must label such things. I have a decidedly Grimiscal and somewhat counter-culture bend. I can draw half-decently but cannot accept anything more than that as a skill level (imposter syndrome is part of my core belief system). I do as much of my own art for any of my writings and projects as I can, but it's a hobby more than anything else and I’ve not the confidence to do commissions or anything professional although I have done minor design works and assisted with other folks projects before. To be candid I lack the confidence to charge anybody for it, I don’t personally feel I’m at that level.

Here is a recent little drawing of a monster for a personal project I’m working on. I’ll let you come to your own conclusions. I have over a hundred more monsters and such to draw in the backlog at this point. I wish that was hyperbole, I may have a problem on my capable yet lazy hands. After a few hundred more drawings maybe I'll have some semblance of an idea what I'm doing.

7. Mini Addict. I will admit to my addiction to painting miniatures. It’s so much fun and I recently was drawn into the vortex of the miniature tabletop war game world. I’m not the best painter by any means (the pros I see on social media are insanely skilled) but It’s enjoyable no matter the skill level and once and a while I feel something almost akin to pride in what I manage. It’s an amazing hobby but It would probably have been less expensive to develop some sort of crippling drug addiction. At least there’s rehab for that.

8. Voracious Learner & Lore Lover. I have this disability that causes me to actually listen to people when they talk to me. It’s terrible but great if you like to learn things, which I fortunately do. I’m a walking library of esoteric knowledge and have such an eclectic skillset with a crossover I've become that insufferable bastard who just sort of “knows” things and learns quickly. I’ll be a lifelong learner until the day the dust calls me home again. I especially enjoy the creative works of others or mythological folklore.

9. I now Pronounce you… I was actually the marriage commissioner for the wedding of two close friends this year. It was a fantastic experience and If you are ever given a chance I’d suggest trying it. Nerve-wracking beyond belief but it turned out well in the end and was a truly wonderful experience. Plus when important people to you ask you to be part of such a monumental event you don’t say no to that no matter your general aversion to public speaking. I am after all an extroverted introvert if you are partial to such concepts.

10. Fail Sucessfully. I am the bane of many folks with a typical mindset. Serious folks should avoid me like radiation as I am not a competitive person in the typical sense. I play games to have fun, never to win. It doesn't mean I'm bad at them in any sense (I'm actually a decent gamer most of the time) I mean I will always take the path I find the most entertaining or set my own objectives and pursue them relentlessly. If I am in the position to win a game through a tactical choice or do something completely asinine that will cause others to laugh, I will do the latter. Always. If I have the misfortune of being forced to play Monopoly and I end up in jail twice. My new goal is to return to jail, I've been institutionalized. I can't survive on the outside anymore and I'm about to make it every other player's problem.

My goal in almost all things is making the world a bit more joyous and if that means losing, to me that's a win. The winning choice isn't always the right choice. But what do I know I'm just a clowder of cats in a convincing human suit.

That’s a ten-fact spackle, I could continue to spew out words almost endlessly as I never seem to lack for them so I’ll cut this off here. On that note, I generally favor long-form writing. I tend to write for those with attention spans longer than their noses. I’ve also heard you should write what you know and I seem to write mainly about monsters and mythical creatures, so divine from that what you will. Like I said, this boy is a monster.

Looking forward to reading all your stories.

Cheers,

Addison

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