Celine Dion’s Music Taught Me About Real Love

My grandmother raised me, and she taught me to be a strong and independent woman. She grew up in the depression, and lost her husband, my grandfather, at 52. She wanted me to be self-reliant and never depend on a man for anything, which is why she pushed me to get a college degree.

But the one thing she never talked about was love. She never told me how to know when you are really in love. It is a conversation I would have loved to have as a teen. It might have prevented some of my biggest relationship failures.

It wasn’t my grandma, my parent, who taught me about love. It was Celine Dion.

Everything I Thought About Love Was Wrong

I graduated from high school three months before I turned 18. I thought I knew everything about life. I laugh about it often as my daughter is now three months before she turns 18. And she knows nothing about real life. I assume my grandma thought the same about me.

I met my first boyfriend in college. I never dated in high school. It wasn’t because I had no options. I was popular in school. I just didn’t want a boy to derail my educational goals.

Illiam was my first boyfriend. I had never felt that way about another person. He was funny, kind, and goal driven. At the time, I thought we’d be together for a long time. But it only lasted two years.

Three months after we broke up, I met my ex-husband. I ignored every red flag I noticed about him. I wanted to a family. I had just graduated from college. I wanted kids and the family life. All my friends were getting married, so I forced the relationship to work.

One of the first red flags I noticed was two months in our relationship. He had a cold and had to take cold medicine. He woke up angry for some reason. He started yelling at me — calling me a sort of names. Then he said something I still think about to this day.

“I hate everything about you. You are an awful person,” he yelled.

I was pregnant with his child. I was 23 and scared. I couldn’t call my grandma and beg to come home. I would have to admit I was wrong. I would embarrass my grandma by being an unwed mother.

Before I went off to college, grandma told me she expected me to experiment with drugs, as all youngsters do, but if I have sex with someone, I better love them. I wished I would have asked her how I would know I loved a man, but I didn’t. I just agreed I carefully pick who I had sex with as an adult.

Grandma’s Death Brought A Big Life Change

At 33, grandma was dying. She had a MRSA infection, and she had months to live. I spent every waking moment with her. I wanted to soak up all the time I could, because when I knew her time was coming.

I knew what loss meant. When I was seven, I lost my cousin, Marsha. (You can read that story here.)It was traumatic for me. I figured I could avoid grief if I spent as much time with her as possible. Let me tell you, there is no shortcut to avoid grief. It hit me hard, and still does come in waves 10 years later.

One thing grandma told me in those long conversations was to leave my ex-husband. She said I had nothing to prove to her. She was proud of me, and it was okay to admit my marriage was a sham.

Several weeks after she died, I received a check from her. She mailed me a check for $20,000. She wanted me to leave my husband. She wanted me to focus on my kids. Most of all, she wanted me to be free from my abusive ex. I honored her by following through with the divorce.

At 34, I still knew nothing about love. I thought I did, but the only people I can say I loved at that point were grandma and my kids. When I thought about it, it made me feel sad. I wanted to be in love.

In 2017, I gave dating another chance. I really hate dating, by the way. I met my former partner within a few weeks. I met him at work and one day he asked me to a movie. I gladly accepted. I figured it would great practice for an actual date.

I really enjoyed his company. My children adored him. After some time, the next step was to move in together. We did just that. He kept his options open. I focused on work (editing client) and rarely took time to spend with him. It was as if we were playing house. Something was missing.

One day, he died after having a fatal asthma attack. I felt numb. Yes, that was partly due to grief, but it was also guilt. I wanted to leave him months before, but I worried my kids would miss him.

At this point in my life, I was 41, and after three long-term relationships, I wasn’t sure I ever experienced falling in love. I wasn’t sure I knew what it looked like, and I (honestly) felt unworthy of it.

I Finally Found Love

In 2019, I spent the first half of the year learning to love myself. I spent hours listening to music. That’s when I found the best description of what real love was.

A few lines from the song, My Heart Will Go On — -

Love was when I loved you

One true time I’d hold to

In my life, we’ll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I knew I had never, ever felt that way about anyone. I knew I deserved this kind of love now, thanks to therapy. But where was my man? Is it lost because I was in my early 40s?

One day, I saw a Facebook message from someone I had met when I was a teenager. We never dated or got past a brief conversation. But I remembered him. Most importantly, he was still hot!

We talked on the phone for a few days. Then I agreed to go on a date. It wasn’t long before I fell hard for him. And within a few weeks, he professed his love for me, too. We moved in together, married, and couldn’t be happier.

My husband loves me for who I am. He’s seen me at my worst and still loves me. He supports every hairbrained idea I have and is always my biggest cheerleader.

Would I have this happy ending without so much heartache? That’s hard to say, but I know I wouldn’t appreciate it as much.

This is how Celine Dion taught me what love should feel like. Whenever I am sad, I always play her music because it takes me back to a time when I was so uncertain about love.

Don’t forget to click the subscribe button to read more of my stories.

*Original published on Medium*