Brand New Day

Dawn had begun to break as the boat started to disappear over the horizon, engulfed in the bright flames that would come to symbolize my freedom. With every passing moment the weight that had been pressing against my chest lifted a little more, until I was able to take a deep cleansing breath – a feeling that had become foreign to me. Finally, my nightmare was over.

It had been three years since I first laid eyes on Arthur Montgomery. Physically, he was appealing – tall, dark, muscular – with warm blue eyes that seemed to look straight into your soul. Eyes that ferreted out your every secret, comforted you, made you feel safe. Eyes that would come to haunt me for the rest of my life.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even see you there! Are you alright?” he asked, in a deep, silky voice.

I looked up, stunned, as I took in the striking man standing above me with his hand outstretched.

Shocked by his handsomeness, I stared at him, silent. A car horn blasted me out of my reverie, and I registered that I was laying on the wet pavement in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I think I’m alright,” I responded, allowing him to help me to my feet. “Not sure how that happened. Are you ok?” I asked, filled with concern that my 5 foot, 100lb frame had somehow caused damage to this giant.

He laughed, heartily, “I think I’ll survive, but you conked your head pretty hard when you went down. You better let me buy you a cup of tea to make up for it…and to make sure you don’t have a concussion.”

We walked to a local coffee shop where we sat and talked for hours, as if trying to cram 25 years of knowledge into one conversation. He was kind, sweet, funny - truly a perfect man.

We began seeing each other exclusively almost immediately. At first, it seemed that Arthur could do no wrong, anticipating my every need and desire. The first six months passed by in a whirlwind of fancy dinners, gala events, and hour after hour of passionate sex. I fell in love with Arthur quickly, believing that the universe had finally rewarded me for my years of failed relationships with deadbeats and users. What’s more, this Adonis fell in love with me, too.

Within 3 months, Arthur asked me to move in with him. I was already spending more time at his place than mine, so it made sense to give up my tiny bachelor apartment and move into his townhouse. Little by little, things began to change between us. Arthur seemed more on edge, his ever-calm demeanor peppered with sarcastic remarks and annoyed glares. Even knowing that he was stressed at work about landing a high profile advertising account, I began to feel guilty for not being able to make him happy. I re-doubled my efforts to keep this incredible man who had (literally) swept me off of my feet, terrified of losing him and having to wade back into the dating pool. I began putting off social engagements, skipping gym session and lunches with the girls, paying less attention to my work; I spent hours cleaning, making him fancy dinners – everything I believed the dutiful housewife should be doing to take care of her man. Still, something was off that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Even with all of this extra attention I was pouring into our relationship, Arthur was becoming more and more sullen. We were laughing less, rarely having sex, and I began to feel that my Prince Charming was being replaced with a stranger. Then, everything changed forever.

Arthur was working late to prepare for a meeting with a client that would cover his ad quota for the rest of the year, so I decided to have dinner with my girlfriends. I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I had seen them; it was then that I understood how isolated I had become, putting all of my energy into my relationship. We had a wonderful night laughing and catching up, and it was almost 11pm by the time I got home. How I wish I had never gone home.

Arthur was pacing around the house frantically as I opened the front door.

“Where have you been,” he asked me in a cold, detached voice I had never heard before.

“Hi Honey! I knew you would be at the office all night so I went for dinner with the girls. I would have messaged you but I didn’t want to disturb you” I responded, slightly tipsy from the wine at dinner.

The slap came hard, and without warning. Alarms went off in my head as heat began flooding into the offended cheek. Stumbling to the side, I grabbed the table to steady myself, shattering a glass vase in the process.

“Don’t lie to me! Who is he? Who have you been slutting it up with?” he yelled, his once warm eyes hardened to cold sapphires.

“No one, I swear! I was out with Jeanie, Ang, and Lisa” I said quietly, still in shock that he had raised a hand to me.

His eyes flickered to the shards of glass where the vase had shattered as he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the wall.

“I could kill you, you little bitch” he screamed, spittle flicking onto my face.

“Baby, please, you’re scaring me!” I exclaimed, tears streaming down my face, “I would never be unfaithful to you – I love you so much.”

Suddenly, he broke off his attack, stepping back and looking me over.

“Clean this shit up,” he muttered, as he walked out the door.

Paralyzed with fear, I stood there, wondering what had just happened. Finally, I peeled myself off of the wall and wiped my tears, then went to grab the broom and dustpan. After cleaning up the glass, I put a bag of frozen peas on my swollen cheek, and assessed the bruises forming on my skin where his fingers had dug in. As I was doing this, Arthur came back into the house carrying a bouquet of hand-picked flowers. His eyes, warm again, filled with tears as he handed me his peace offering.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I lost control like that. You know I would never do anything to hurt you, right?” he apologized, “I’m so stressed about this account, and I took it out on you. I swear it will never happen again - say you forgive me.”

I should have turned around and walked out the door, but I didn’t. Instead, I pulled his giant frame into my tiny bruised one.

“It’s ok baby, I forgive you. I love you.” I said, believing somehow that this was my fault, that I had invited this behavior.

This was the first time that Arthur had ever raised a hand to me, but it wasn’t the last. I withdrew completely from my friendships, knowing they would question the caked on makeup that barely covered my bruises. Embarrassed that I didn’t have the strength to leave, I sunk into a deep depression that left me an empty shell of my former self. Every so often I ended up in the emergency room – a cracked rib here, a broken finger there – but always had a good excuse, my innate clumsiness coming in handy when crafting the lies. For three years I stayed, for three years I had every ounce of who I was beaten out of me. As the beatings became more vicious, the presents bought to appease his guilt became more extravagant

Opportunity for escape from this hell that had become my life came after a particularly brutal beating. This one had landed me in the hospital with a broken arm and a concussion. After casting my lower arm and keeping me overnight for observation, I was released back into the arms of my abuser that evening. Instead of taking me home, we set out to a marina just out of the city. Arthur led me down a long dock lined with schooners, stopping in front of a small but gorgeous sailboat. It was beautifully restored, with large white sails and a dark stained wood mast.

“Do you like it?” he asked tentatively, “I christened it “Andrea”, after you.”

Shocked by his largesse, my breath caught in my throat.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, voice still hoarse from when he had choked me a few days before, “But it’s too much, I can’t accept this”

He looked at me, eyes beginning to harden in an all-too-familiar way.

“Well it isn’t just for you, it’s for me also,” Arthur said, anger beginning to replace his previously apologetic tone.

Wanting to diffuse the situation, I replied with the answer I had become an expert at giving:

“Of course baby, I love it. What did I ever do to deserve you?”

Never catching the alternate meaning in my words, his eyes softened and he led me aboard. I was stunned by what was waiting for me – candles covered the majority of the deck, and formed a walkway to a picnic dinner that he had set up for us. Deftly untying the knot that kept us tethered to the dock, we began to drift out to the sea. It was so peaceful out on the water, breathing in the salty sea air. For a moment in time, we were almost happy again…almost.

I reached for the wine bottle to refill his glass, when we hit a wave in the water. Still unsteady from my recent concussion, I dropped the wine bottle, spilling its contents all over the food and his pants. Rage filled his eyes in a way I had never seen before, as his fist struck me, throwing me backwards into the layers of glass candleholders. He stood over me, pulling me up by my shirtfront. As Arthur wound up to strike me again, face sweaty and flushed, something deep inside of me snapped. I flailed wildly, catching the side of his head with my freshly casted arm. Pain rung through the break in my wrist, as he let go of me and stumbled backwards, shocked at my retaliation. Tripping over our picnic fare, he landed flat on his butt. Instinctively, I grabbed the wine bottle that had rolled into my hand and I rushed at him, bringing the object crashing down against his temple. He rolled to the side, dazed by my efforts, glass from the now-shattered candle holders releasing blood from his veins. Once more I came at him, lunging like a feral animal, this time knocking him unconscious and breaking the bottle in the process. Flames from candles began climbing up the freshly stained mast, jumping from sail to sail. Risking everything, I quickly grabbed the life jacket that had been sitting on the ground (ready for if the Coast Guard passed by) and flew from the side of the boat into the water. Adrenaline taking over, I swam as hard as I could towards shore while trying to slide the foam vest onto my rapidly tiring body. Though the current pushed against me with every stroke, it was also taking the burning boat further from me with each passing moment. Suddenly, the water became calm – I turned to face the horizon, bobbing along like a tiny buoy while watching the first streaks of light shoot across the sky, bringing with them sunrise, and a brand new day.