Because

Here I am, making the most out of a big mistake. Was the mistake something terrible I did in a passed life? Possibly. In a way, all mistake are made in our passed lives.. but this life.. this identity.. has always felt definite to me. And, as I come (further) into consciousness, I look deeper and deeper for purpose. It was around my twenties that I learned the necessity of changing the world through changing ones’ self. All of my attempts at world peace failed miserably. I wanted to be a rock star. I learned recently at the age of twenty five that I never allowed myself to do that because I had never been willing to be a rock. I was a trust fund baby, and I never lasted more than two weeks at any job. But, I’ve always been intelligent. What I’m learning now is that even unconsciously, I’ve always been on the right path. Maybe it’s nature, maybe it’s “God’s plan,” maybe it’s a self-fulfilling profecy. The truth is, none of that matters. People should support me because when I realized I could only change the world through changing myself, I became a rock. It was HARD. It still is. It’s so hard!!! I squandered my money away. I don’t have a choice any more, whether or not I want to go to work. I created and birthed a child. I love her passionately. And, I refuse to let her grow up in a world without hope.

When I wanted to be a star, I already was one. I was constantly working against reality by having an attitude as if I needed to prove something.

Now, I NEED to prove something.

I need to prove that anyone can do it.

I am worthy of the WORLD’s support, because I am honest.

I am honest even when it hurts.

I won’t lie and tell you I’ve never told a lie. But I will honestly say I work with integrity. Do I want security? Yes. Do I even want pleasure? YES.

Am I willing to fight so you can have that too? Just as much as you would fight for it yourself.

So, what does that mean? It means I will not be your martyr. I will not give my life for you. But, I will give it to me, for me.. infinitely. So.. in doing so.. I will make room for you. I will show you how to do the same thing, and there will be peace on earth.

The world should support me, because I support the world. The world should hear me, because I hear the world. I listen, and I cry. I cry tears of joy, and I lament. But, at the end of the day, I sing praises in everything I do. I would rather listen to the birds lead worship, than hear a new hit on the radio- but, I know that we are also as worthy as the birds… so I listen. I don’t always like it but I listen. And I don’t always love it but I appreciate it. The world should support me because I support the world.

Politics, police, religious beliefs- I don’t care , where- as long as you’re there- I will play fair.

That is not the cry of a martyr. It is the plea of your neighbor.

I shouldn’t have to bribe you to survive. You shouldn’t have to rob me to thrive.

It isn’t socialism if you want to help me.

It is laziness if this is my best effort. I love you.