Barefoot Mouse Treading

Surrounded by a pair of men who intrigue the romantic inside desparately seeking. One was recently shunned from memory after ghosting on social media, another remained mystery in terms of name but always there when working out. I felt confused as my embered flustered face remained stuck to the book held tightly in nervous grasp. A third spawned nearby, unknown character until later that evening while raw fish and rice filled the bellies of me with other gym buddies.

“He is recently single and the talk of the town.”

“A red flag after being alone for only a month and all the gossip around here - they were together for years!”

The other two made me feel anxious and unable to look to meet their eyesight above, but mystery three was comforting in a new way worth exploring. I wanted to be me without impressing necessarily, which the need was always worth it to do when stares and glares were felt around the room. Usually men are a distraction and derailing, as if the carts inside my head were off course from the tracks they were meant to ride through to. Instead, he pushed me in a new and interesting way while piquing my confidence and truly being nice eye candy.

“His ex and him always come here at the same time even after they broke up.”

I did not see him in my phone camera photo roll after the treadmill until two days after I tried out walking barefoot for the first time to improve my running stance for marathon stamina and reading to ease social anxiety. Imagine the confidence I must have portrayed, shoeless and bravely -reading about Sapiens of all things with Converse shoes untied behind me. If I was aware and less crippled by fear of other human beings, maybe I would’ve sought his reaction or facial expressions before forcibly removed.

Ironic how it didn’t even seem significant

I thought in the shower a few days later.

I was humoured that his face was in my digital photo album when I opened it up during a work call one Wednesday afternoon. More excited I was that the love interest from before had noticed me, bringing the phone over to the free weights where I was socializing. A colleague was curious to see the man I was going on a date with in a couple of evenings, after securing her own beau recently and sharing their photographs of trips and dates around. Instead of finding proof of the potential mate, I saw one gym crush making an appearance, with another’s laughter captured through live photos. An interesting third being was to the right right - a homosapien, to be exact, per the author’s knowledge I was reading.

This freaked me out after hearing all the voices saying no externally, but I realized he watched me doing embarrassing things that evening like push ups till failing and reading with binaural beats blaring. Even seeing my vision board phone background as they took the photo probably, the first thing saying a “loving relationship” - how embarrassing! Yet it brings me comfort and joy thinking he knows a bit more about me and is interested in sharing this innocence with me.

I opened up that same social media app I was screened on, by the blood-boiling first gym crush. Hoping for a sign from above to guide me was the goal, as if seeing the second crush travel to Switzerland only three days later wasn’t enough of one.

Once he handed the culprit phone back to me and went overseas, I refrained from conversation by distractedly opened the private gym social media account story. To my surprise the mysterious third man and his spectacular ancient sculpted body were glaring back at me in all his muscular toned glory to visually gloat and dream. It was then that I knew he was meant to be - whether a lesson causing another hollow piece to fill within, or destiny for this lifetime and more reincarnations. An energy about each other we will hopefully see electrify, past us speaking electronically.

~

Copyright © 2023 by Kalina Bethany. All rights reserved.

Thanks for reading this piece about my hormone-fuelled gym crushes - which were all crushed recently for a dream of better treatment than disrespect and neglect.

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