An unintentional love letter

Isn't it kinda crazy how nothing in our lives really ever turns out how we think it will… for example, a few months ago I was writing about how I wanted to live in New York City and now the thought of leaving makes me want to cry. It's crazy how people will do that for you. I feel like everything and nothing has changed all at once in a very short span of time. Looking back, I guess things have changed a lot in 6 months. I moved into the city, got a different roommate, met some new friends, and met the people who are quite possibly going to be the loves of my life.

If you had asked me a few months ago where I would be today I would have probably told you that I was getting my MBA, working on my business to make it a full time job, and trying to meet somebody who would maybe match my goals for a short amount of time. I would have also told you that I only planned on staying in NC for a year or two and then was FOR SURE going to move to NYC where I would live out my dreams in the big city. Yeah… I couldn't have been more wrong. I moved into a small city (Raleigh downtown) and quickly realized while I didn't hate it, it was NOT for me. It's strange how one instance can really change the course of your entire life.

For me, that instance was by the pool when I met one of my roommates' friends Rae. Little did i know, Rae was going to set me down a path where I would be introduced to my future *hopefully* partners. Now for me, going from never having dated anybody to casually dating two people was something I was not prepared for and yet nothing had ever felt so right. I will admit that I am way out of my element and I am so fucking terrified I am going to mess something up. The connection I have with them is insane and when I think about them possibly not being in my life I just want to sob. Is this what love feels like?

This must be what love feels like… to have your soul almost physically hurt when you're not around them. For you to be counting down the time until you can run into their arms again. To be constantly plagued by the idea that they might leave you and how it would devastate you even though it's only been less than 2 months. Now, I know i sound fucking insane. I feel insane to be completely honest. I’m not sure how to handle my life because I also know that they have been hurt in the past and are guarded about letting anybody into their relationship. I don't know how to get them to realize that all I want to do is crawl into their souls and help heal them. And I’m back to sounding absolutely bonkers.

Gotta love it, the heart wrenching, sweaty palm, nervous sweat, racing feeling you get when they're around. My dad always used to tell me about how when he touched his previous fiancé that it was almost electric. As though there was a magnetic pull that was surrounding them and bringing them closer together. I, of course, thought he was absolutely insane. Then I experienced it for myself. All I want to do when I’m around them is be touching them in some way. Even if it's just brushing their hair, running my fingers up their arm, or cuddling together on the bed… all I want to do is touch them in some way. I haven't ever had such a visceral reaction to another human before let alone two of them. I don't understand why my body craves their touch so much.

It truly baffles my mind and makes me so confused. I shouldn't feel this way but for some reason I just do. If I'm having a panic attack or a bad day or just feel like my anxiety is running rampant all i have to do is just snuggle up to them and it makes my heart rate just calm right down. For only knowing them for less than 2 months it makes no sense why I am as comfortable around them as I am.

Do you believe in soulmates? I had wanted to believe in them but always was held back saying oh no that can't be real, it can't be something that's actually a real thing. I think that the universe might have decided to slap me in the face with mine and say “bitch here they are!”. It's a quirky, crazy life I’ve been living lately and to be honest I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know that what I’m doing and getting into relationship wise isn't the norm and isn't something that is seen super often in society but I’m finding more and more that I don't give a shit. Let people think and say what they want. At the end of the day, as long as I am at home with my humans then it really doesn't fucking matter what anybody else thinks because nobody else is going to bring the peace, joy, love, and happiness that they bring me. I tried and couldn't achieve it for myself but now I know I wasn't meant to. They were meant to come into my life to show me what I was missing and all of the things that I needed and needed to give as well.

I am eternally grateful for them and even though it's only been less than 2 months, I can't wait to see what the next 20+ years look like because if they’ll have me… I will work my way into their hearts and just stay. They have already worked their way into mine.

So… as an unintentional love letter to my humans. I love you both dearly. I can't wait for our future together. Please don't break my heart and I promise to love you both till the day I die.