Age Is Just a Number

I knew him from the time he was 12, because he was my oldest son's best friend and always at my house. He had green eyes and thick brown hair, and always had a positive attitude and was ready for anything. But, now that we are both adults, and there is 18 years difference in our ages, people don't think we should be together.

It all started one week when my oldest son, Gary, was visiting me from Michigan. He confided in me that he liked one of my co-workers, and was hoping to get a date with her, and I confided in him that I had a crush on his best friend. So, he was going to bring his friend over to my house, and in return I would set him up on a date with my co-worker.

The night they came over, Dave was sitting on the sofa looking so good, so I walked over and gave him a kiss. It was a quick kiss because I didn't know how he was going to take it, if he would kiss me back or just push me aside and think I was crazy. But, he sat there and looked at me as though I had just told him I saw Bigfoot.

It was years later and Gary was visiting Dave at Christmas. I called to make sure he got there, and when I did Gary insisted I talk to Dave. I tried to be positive and interesting, two things I really wasn't at the time, but didn't want to project a negative attitude. Dave was very talkative, told me how sorry he was I lost my mother and how much he loved her, talked to me a little about his job and the town he lived in, a very small town in Northern Colorado. The next time Gary and I spoke he asked me if I wanted to talk to Dave, but I declined, having felt that tiny spark ignite when I spoke to him at Christmas. He was my son's best friend, and 18 years younger than me, so what right did I have to have feelings for him?

I was going through a very low time in my life, having just lost my best friend, my dog, after 15 years. I was staying alone a lot, drawing with my colored pencils and attempting a new type of abstract art. I would post it on Facebook to get feedback, and it was positive, so I kept drawing to keep my mind occupied. One evening, I get a message on Facebook from Dave, that he saw my art and loved it, and would I be interested in creating a picture for him. He insisted on paying me for it, even though I told him no, he was a friend and I didn't charge friends. After I sold him the picture, he began texting me a little here and there. Pretty soon it was almost a nightly event, and I looked forward to it. He told me about a girl at work he wanted to date, and how she was playing games with him and he hated games. He wouldn't ask her out and continued to talk to me daily. I talked to him on his two mile walk home from the bar one Saturday night when he had decided to go out and have a few drinks. He texted me later, three sheets to the wind, and I kept him talking while he walked home.

After that night our conversations changed, mostly because he had admitted to me when he was drunk that he had feelings for me and still thought about me a lot. Some of what he said was crude, but then he was drunk, so I ignored it and kept on reading to try and get a take on where his head was and what he wanted. He said he had always loved me since the first time he saw me. It turns out he wanted me to come and visit him to see if we were compatible. We were talking every night by this time, and getting hot and heavy with the dialogue, so visiting weighed heavily on my mind. What was I doing? He was obviously too young for me, and my son's lifelong friend. I felt like a lecherous old woman, and I felt like I was betraying Gary, and yet, if he loved me and he loved his friend, wouldn't he be happy for both of us? Time would tell.

The visit was awkward. I was excited and nervous at the same time. After all, I am 69 and don't look like I used to and I was very aware of that on the drive up. When I got there, he came walking up from the ditch beside the river in front of the condos where he lives. His hair was thinner then I remembered, and he was very thin, but then he was always on the thin side. We didn't hug or kiss, but we were polite to each other and quiet. All the focus was on my dog Savannah, and that seemed to be a comfortable place for our focus to be. We made love that night, and it was sensational. The week went by quickly and it was time to go back home, but I didn't want to leave. He treated me better than I had ever been treated in my life, taking my needs and feelings into consideration and making me laugh. He didn't want me to leave but didn't want to appear pushy, so he didn't ask me to stay, but I would have.

Dave spent Thanksgiving with Gary in Michigan, but we agreed he would be home by the 29th, which was his birthday, and that I would be there to celebrate with him. I moved in two weeks later, and we agreed not to say anything about it to Gary, but instead told him I was the roommate. Gary didn't buy the story and immediately got an attitude, referring to my relationship with Dave as creepy and repulsive. He and my younger son both have stopped communicating with me, and Gary accused me of using his friend to move up in the world because he has a condo and I had been living in a mobile home, which was nice and had a big yard.

I'm heartbroken and sad that my sons are thinking with their egos instead of their hearts. Even if I left right now, they will never forgive me, so I may as well play this relationship out and see where it lands. We aren't sure where we are going with it, but we are very compatible and happy, and I don't see how that is creepy or repulsive. If I were a 69 year old gentleman and living with a 51 year old woman, nobody would say a word.

Age differences this big are a very gender biased issue. It is okay for men to date younger women, but not for older women to date younger men. Somehow that doesn't seem right to me but it's the way the world works. Maybe someday there will be total equality between the sexes, and what is good for a man is good for a woman, because after all, we are all just human. So the question remains, how old is too old, and is age really an issue?