Again in Devil’s Arms

I hate with passion to even tell this story but it’s mine so I have to vomit these words down on paper.

Tina you lied again and made me fall for your unforgiving lies. I swore I would never do this to myself again and here I was.

Penny do you hear that? What she replies and I say the people outside. She assures me that there’s no one out there and I don’t believe her. Thinking she just isn’t listening to me seriously and she is just blowing off what I’m saying. “See there it is again babe don’t you here the vibrations from there voices?” “No your just hearing stuff again there’s no one out there just go to sleep.”

She’s got drugs in there and she hides them just out of site so we’re gonna wait til we see something we can use. My heart starts to hammer and chiseling away at my belief that their not real I start to believe all over again that these voices are in fact real! I start thinking the cops are outside and their waiting for the perfect opportunity to come busting in my door so I run and grab the butane and torch. I’m not going to jail. They try coming in here and I’m lighting this bed on fire with me in it. Which now that I think about it more clearly I realize that they would have just put me out and then I would of been left to live through the burns no telling how deep because I had the door barricaded. Then I catch site of the lights. There’s lights coming through on my ceiling and walls and it’s gotta be them. Who are they? It starts going through everything that I could think would be logical. They gotta be demons and the scary part about it is that I have a picture of them. Three faces stare at me in my bedroom window. Yes I’m serious, I have a few pictures that show there faces. So this makes sense to me then. It’s not really the cops it’s just them. The messed up part is this makes me calm down. I’d rather it be demons than the cops outside. There’s the lights again, then it can’t be demons they wouldn’t be able to produce light like this it’s gotta be the police. Well it’s winter and I know that soon as daylight hits I’m going out there to see if there’s footprints on the ground by my windows. I make it through the night by shutting everything down including all lights and tv and everything, they ain’t gonna see where I’m at this way. I hear them saying oh good now we can see her better without the lights. So I just pretend I’m sleeping and hope that they’ll just go away and then I’m waking up at daylight. I go outside and look and there is footprints by my window. Looks like a smaller persons combat boot. Oh my God I run back in the house and barricade the doors once more. They are out there aren’t they? I go back and forth in my head trying to figure out what to do about the meth I have left because it feels to me that that they’ll come through anytime. I run grab what I got and run in the house to my mothers bathroom trying to see if I can see there shadows outside by looking at the ceiling and the lights to see if there being manipulated by shadows and I swear they are. I hurry up and take the first container and put water in it and slam it down. What’s she doing they say. She’s trying to get rid of it all why don’t we go busting in there now before she gets rid of it all the female voice says. The male voice says let’s just sit back and wait see what she does. Watch and make sure she gets rid of all of it and if she don’t we’ll go in. I try to trick them and act like I put water in other one too and get back out to my room with it. Soon as I go to leave the bathroom there on the wall next to the window I see a shadow on the wall and I know it’s them so I run back into the bathroom and hurry up and put water in the second bottle and drink it and poor bleach in my bottles til I feel like I rinsed them good enough and then I breath. I go back to my room and now I’m depressed cause I don’t have any left and that was all I had to bring myself off the stuff so I didn’t withdrawal. Then my stomach hurts and then it’s starts to bubble and I grab the garbage can and hurl up all contents in my stomach. It was just to much and you know what they say, you puke before you OD so…

I start asking my girl if she has anything else in the room and she says no but I just don’t believe her. I’m still paranoid and this paralysis me and has me stuck on the bed in my head listening to see if there still gonna come in.

She probably wonders why we haven’t come busting through the door yet. Haha she’s listening again. She thinks we’re the cops again, see this never gets boring. She always starts to believe we’re demons for a little while then slips back into being stuck in her head with the thought that the cops are outside. Wait a minute what did she say? I hear see , see , see over and over again listening closely to see if I can hear exactly what their talking about. All I hear is laughing and I feel at lost for sanity.