After watching Guys and Dolls, I felt guilty.....and went in a depressed phase that it reminded me of my high school production version of Guys and Dolls

Last night, I was watching 1955 MGM classic Guys & Dolls on YouTube (it's available free on YouTube)

I must say the film was absolutely astonishing, the music is different from Broadway musical, the choreography was top notch and I'll have to admit Marlon Brando as Sky Masterson looked so damn handsome.

However, I did felt haunted watching this film because it reminded me of a time I volunteered as a techie for my former high school theater production of Guys & Dolls. I was a junior at my high school trying to find something new for myself. Ever since my "incident", I've been trying hard to move on from that not put pity on myself and not think about suicide. Last time, I auditioned for Little Shops of Horrors in my sophomore year and I didn't get the role for that musical. When I heard about the audition for Guys & Dolls, a part of me wanted to audition for this musical but another part of me felt like if I audition I won't be able to get the role. There were two audition dates for the upcoming musical. I missed the first audition because I kind of chickened out and I was unprepared for the audition. The second audition date, I had a foot doctor's appointment. I was thinking about trying the auditions again but I was too late. So I thought I had no other option but to help out the stage production by volunteering as a techie. Just when I thought being a techie was all fun and games but it wasn't. Honestly, it was fine working with them but I was feeling all sad seeing my friends rehearsing the musical on stage without me. I didn't communicate much with the tech crew except for my good friend Kobe who was a senior at the time volunteering for SSL hours we were the only ones communicate with each other.

Until I developed a relationship with one of the tech crew (soon to be Xavier's Dad)

But that's for another story later on.

Also, there was another reason, I was still traumatized from my incident. After I was sexually assaulted in my sophomore year, I had trouble trusting guys fearing that they will do the same thing that my abuser has done to me. Though I had experienced the depression phase volunteering as a techie, there was some laughter I've experienced like, for instance, there was a guy who was a senior at the time who played Sky Masterson I don't want to say his name but let's call him "Kaye". There was this scene where while he was backstage he started to act like a weirdo and started to show off. And when I mean "show off", he showed off his nipples flashing them like he was on Girls Gone Wild. It was straight laughable.

Hallelujah, we see Kaye's nipples!!!!

To be honest, I wish I could go back in time and change who I was in high school but at the time I was young, always kept to myself never was an open book. You would call me anti-social but I am not. I kept my distance from watching Guys and Dolls just to not focus on the past. However, I do enjoy the song "Luck Be Lady" from the musical that's only scene I liked. I don't have anything against the cast and crew of Guy and Dolls. Hopefully, they will understand why even if they are reading this story. This is just to express how I was felt while I was working as a techie.