Adventures in Fast Food and Drive-Thrus

Meeting new people is awkward, or at least it is for those of us who lack that "life of the party" gene. With no shared experience to draw from, we often resort to meaningless small talk.

"Great weather we're having, huh?" "You watch the [insert local sports team here] game last night?" "Got any binge-worthy Netflix recommendations?" "Read any good books lately?" (Yeah, you should probably just avoid that last one...)

It's usually vapid and a little clunky. But what can you do? Well, I've found that the best solution to breaking the ice, ironically, is to share an embarrassing personal story. You know, one of those moments that still makes you cringe - the kind that creeps into your mind in the shower that you have to scream out of consciousness.

I mean seriously, why let it eat away at your insides when you could instead put it to good use? Re-contextualize the most awkward moment of your life as an investment. An investment that with any luck, will save you from awkwardness in the future. Now combine that story with a small dose of liquid courage, and you'll be off to the races.

First, some ground rules. Make sure your story is funny, relateable and lighthearted. Share it with a friend first if you need to. You're rolling the dice a bit with this strategy, and if you select the wrong anecdote or botch up the delivery, congrats, you've just created a new awkward moment to add to the vault. So, without further adieu, here's mine...

After graduating college, I moved to a new city. All was going well, great job, new friends, etc. I was finally settled and ready to adventure into the great unknown: the dating world. Now, it wasn't my first foray into that department, but let's all admit just how different dating becomes once you're out of school. In college, you're constantly meeting new people by the very nature of that phase of life. Once you're out in the "real world" that all changes. And change it did.

So like many other young millenials, I turned to internet app dating. I uploaded the best photos I could find, wrote a bio I thought was clever and started swiping.

BOOM. You got a match!

That was painless, I thought. The young woman and I started chatting, and soon enough I asked her out. I suggested we "grab some apps" and see a movie. She agreed, and that night I drove over to pick her up. I pulled up to her apartment, let her know I was there and she walked out and headed towards my car.

I was immediately taken aback. The woman walking over didn't appear to be the same person I met on the app. As she got closer, I saw the resemblence though, and it was clear she was indeed the right person. She had just chosen photos that were pretty flattering to say the least. I was irked, but then caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror, which swiftly knocked me off my pedistal. Undoubtedly, I too had selected pictures that accentuated positive features and minimized the negative. So who was I to judge?

She got in the car, and we drove off. I asked her where she wanted to eat, suggesting some hip joints I had found from a Google search.

"I'm really more of a fast food kind of girl."

At that moment I realized there wasn't going to be a date #2, but hey, at least my wallet wouldn't be worse for the wear.

I pulled into the parking lot of a popular fast food chain, and she instructed me to get into the drive thru line. Okay, I thought, a little unusual, but that's fine.

We got our food, and I was about to turn onto the main drive when she suggested we eat in the vacant hardware store lot adjacent to the restaurant - a suggestion that in retrospect, should've been a red flag. But at the time, I thought nothing of it. I hated eating food while driving anyway.

We parked and removed the contents from the bag. We happened to be sharing a large fry (romantic, right?). That's when my date made another suggestion...

"How about we eat in the backseat? It'll be tough to share the fries with this annoying center console in the way."

Being young, naive and lacking experience, her suggestion made sense at face value. So we moved to the backseat. Within a short minutes, my date made a move. She leaned in for the kiss, falling on top of me, knocking the food to the floor in the process.

I started laughing nervously, and I made some lighthearted protests. But my date just thought I was being cute and playing hard to get. Now at the time I was only 5'9 (still am) and 130 pounds (definitely not anymore), and she outsized me in both respects. I panicked and blurted out something without thinking, just to bringn an end the barrage.

"I'm 16!"

I wasn't 16. I was however a babyfaced 22-year-old. But it worked.

"What?!" She said as she immediately got off me. Needless to say, she was quite cordial the rest of the evening.

I couldn't tell you how many awkward social gatherings that story has defused. Everyone ends up feeling disarmed and often share their own first date horror story. Give this method a try. You just might find that your most awkward moment could ultimately work out in your favor. Personally, I've gone from cringing whenever I find a french fry in my car to laughing. I no longer scream in the shower. And socially, I've gone from awkward to, well, still awkward, but a much more sociable awkward. Best of luck, folks.