Addicts Hurt Themselves and Others 5

Story 22

I have never been around anyone with any sort of drug or alcohol problem. Well, up until this past year. And as I suspected what I am witnessing with my person, is not unique or unusual. I have realized that I have walked into a world of complete and utter chaos. The helI I have been through this past year is never going to end. It is only going to get worse, and deeper in depth. There is a song by Jelly Roll called save me. And it reminds me of my person on so many levels. You guys should listen to it. If you don't already know it. I have always known that I have to get away from this person, and all the posts I see here confirms that. I am going to save myself, because I can, I don't have to stay with a person that has this disease, no matter how wonderful he is to me, both drunk and sober. He is a liability, to himself and to me... And I can not watch someone I love destroy themselves.

Story 23

My friend of 25 years woke up next to her boyfriend Monday morning. He had overdosed and was gone. I don't know what to do for her. I was with her all day Monday. Her mom and brother both offered her a place to stay and she refused. She has been to rehab once before for alcohol. Then when she got out she moved in with her boyfriend, who was a crack head before and was into hard drugs. She started to partake. The night he died she said they hadn't done anything for 2 months and they just wanted a high night. The fact she tried to wake him and she found him is heart breaking. I really don't know what to do. She called a rehab center and is on the waiting list. All I could do Monday was hold her. She just kept screaming and crying and I felt so helpless. What do I do!? How can I help her? I know if she doesn't want help it won't work, but I have to do something. She has a 2 year old daughter and husband, well soon to be ex. Her dad died of a overdose 25 years ago. Her birth mom left her before that happened for drugs. I don't want her to end up like either parent, but I feel like she will be. She even said to me she fully believes she will die the way her dad did. I can't just sit here and watch her ruin her life even more. She is thinking about selling herself to make money. I just want me friend back. She is like my sister and I can't walk away. Am I a chump?? I am the only one still caring for her. Am I an idiot? Should I walk away? I can't let myself do that. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. I am all over the place. Please help.

Story 24

In 10 days time, ended my relationship with my alcoholic ex boyfriend, he broke into my house and tried to steal my safe, got a temporary protective order against him, and just now I got back from the final protective order hearing to which he did not show and it’s been extended for a year. In only 10 days that has happened. I’ve been plowing through all of this, just doing what I need to do to protect me and my daughter but I am exhausted. The last 3 days I have felt like crap because it has drained me. The hearing today gave me some relief but soooooo much has happened in such a short amount of time. But, I’ve also learned a lot. I gave this man so many chances...too many chances, honestly. But when you love someone, it’s hard not to, especially when they promise they will get help. If I had to offer some advice to those of us who are in the “should I end this, will he/she ever change” group, I would say: If they slip up once and promise to get help and never do it again, ok. But if they do it again, get out of dodge. It will only get worse. Yes it will be devastating to leave, but you will be ok in the end. And if you do leave, do not listen to their pleading for you to come back, or how much they love you. Do not give in to them, they will not change until THEY want to change, no matter how much you love them.

Hide all of your money, do not give access to bank accounts because, you never know. Addicts will go to great lengths to get what they need or want. (I thankfully never did, but I can only imagine how much worse this would have been if I had.)

Do some soul searching and find out what you need to heal within yourself that makes you attract people like addicts. Read self help books, go to a counselor. I am in the process of that as well myself.

Put one foot in front of the other. Take care of yourself. Take the time you need for you. Protect yourself. Cry if you need to. Seek out support and resources where you can.

Again, these are only my opinions, I know every circumstance is different. I’m fortunate to be in a position to be very independent, physically and financially, but I know others are not.

Story 25

AH showed up at the house this morning. He came for some of his things. I did text him yesterday and tell him there were some things in his truck I needed to get but ended the conversation telling him I didn’t know if it was okay for him to come here because he was drinking. So this morning he shows up, unannounced, at a time when I would normally be at work, and our kids would be home getting ready for school. I don’t think that was an accident. I was upset of course and told him he shouldn’t be here, we should do this amicably and this was not the way. He had something’s to say to me also, mostly name calling and demanding things. I wouldn’t let him inside, I brought things out to him. He showed up in new clothes and with some new things done to his truck. I find that funny though cause he had to use $40 of my paycheck to buy beer. I think his sister is buying things for him. My whole day is ruined. I’m a mess. I just want to go to sleep but I can’t because I have to keep being mom. I am so emotionally tired. I just needed to vent.

Story 26

I cycle through emotions constantly. One minute I’m empathetic and the next I’m so angry I could explode. It’s my sister. I have always protected her and I still want to. But everyone I talk to says I’m doing more harm than good. She blames everyone but herself. Has treated all of her family like crap. If you looked up enabler in the dictionary you would find my picture. I don’t even know if she and I can have a relationship that does not involve me taking care of her and cleaning up her messes. I signed for a car for her 6 years ago. She ruined my credit and left me owing $6,600.00 I believed she needed someone to believe in her. I know I’m stupid. I’m not allowed to talk about it because it embarrasses her and upsets her. She shoplifted while my daughter was with her a couple of years ago. She ran out of the store and almost left my daughter there. My daughter ran out of the store as she was driving away. The store tried to stop my sister and my sister ran and the sales person grabbed my daughter. My daughter finally got away. She was 8 and thought they were mistreating my sister because she nor I believed she would shoplift. A police officer contacted me because the car was in my name. He worked out a deal with me to have her turn herself in and just get a citation instead of shoplifting and child abuse charges. I went and found her and helped her take care of it. And I never pushed her on the issue because SHE was upset. She never allowed me or my daughter to talk about it. I know I sound stupid, but I’ve always wanted to help her and now I realize how I’ve done the opposite. I am going to sign something with a probate judge to have her put in rehab for an indefinite amount of time. I have been told by an investigator she is on their radar and it’s just a matter of time before they arrest her. She will blame me, but I’m done protecting her at the expense of everyone else. I’m so done. She fears public embarrassment, yet continues to do things that cause just that and then blames me. The way she talks to me is awful. You would think I was a truly awful person if you listened to her and people do and they never know all she has done. I’m rambling but I’m hurt and worried and angry.

Story 27

Ever since I could remember, my father has been an alcoholic. Theres a happy drunk or the angry/sad drunk. Sadly, my dad was the angry. Every time he would drink, he would drink to get blacked out. His choice of liquor was beer. When he couldn’t get beer, he chose anything else he could get his hands on. so many years I have blocked out my life and honestly, cannot remember anything at some point in my life. I feel lots of guilt for not really remembering when my brother was born and his years after that because those were the hardest years. My father had cheated on my mother who did everything for him. Many times. He did so many terrible things. We never really stood in one house because he could never help my mother pay bills. I would find beer cans EVERY WHERE. Many times throughout the years I have cried to him to change. He was the type to call me names, say very hurtful things to me, & even “disown” me plenty of times. At some point my parents split & I hated him. I wanted nothing to do with him. After many years of his rollercoaster, he decided to go to rehab because honestly, his life depended on it. He was sick, and his body was shutting down, he wasn’t getting sleep, his body was turning yellow, he looked like he was dying. He had nothing. He had no one. That’s when he decided enough was enough. Now with that being said, he did great in rehab. Found his love for cooking again. The only struggle I have now is he lives in my aunts house which is basically another alcoholic (functioning) & she throws parties (which my dad is usually the one who makes all of the meals). I find my dad telling me all of the time that it is such a toxic environment for him to be in, especially when everyone is drunk around him. It makes him feel tempted at times. I feel like he has snuck a drink here and there. I’ve asked him and I felt so bad for asking him (he denied). But I just feel like even though he’s sober, it’s so easy to just break that. Especially where he’s living. Idk I just needed to vent. I see everyone’s posts on here and If you’re someone who struggles with addiction, just know I’m happy you are in this world. My heart goes out to you. I hear you. I see you. I appreciate you. You being in this group just shows you want to get better and you will. If you are someone who has been to rehab or just gotten better on your own, congratulations. I hear you and I see you! Lastly, for anyone struggling with someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs, I truly from the bottom of my heart, understand you. It’s such a process and takes years to build trust and love. Set boundaries for yourself. You come first. You are important. Your feelings are valid.

I had to grow up at such a young age because I had a father who was an angry drunk and a mother who was always working to support us 3. I know what it is like to feel like nothing matters anymore. I know what it is like to feel like if I died, I wouldn’t have to deal with anything anymore. I’m here to prove to you that it INDEED DOES get better.

Story 28

Starting to give up on my marriage OH has been battling with his addiction with alcohol for a while now but only really started to come out how bad it was recently due to Health reasons has been dry for 2 weeks as he was in hospital getting help from them with his detox then he came home yesterday and I woke up to him trying to get a hidden bottle from under our bed I now can’t trust him again and the anxiety of where he is going and what not is unbearable anyone else feel like this he tricks me into believing he wants to stop but deep down I think he don’t I’m so torn.