Addicts Hurt Themselves and Others 4

Story 15

Tonight I am disappointed. My husband is away at training for a job, in a college town. Surprise surprise he’s drinking on a Tuesday when he has training tomorrow and has spent over $100 tonight when we’re barely scraping by right now, we are literally living at my parents house rent free because we just moved across the country. He drinks almost all week and says it’s to calm his thoughts. I really never thought of him as an alcoholic up until recently and I don’t know why I never did, his family is full of alcoholics and all the signs are there. I’m so sick of this, I’m pregnant with our second child overall just extra emotional, I’m so sick of it, but he is our only income right now since I stay home with our 3 year old and I’m so tired of dealing with him, feeling like a babysitter all the time. I feel bad to say but don’t know why I let the pregnancy happen and why I thought it would be OK. Why bring another child into this mess... I can literally feel my heart aching 😥

Story 16

I kicked my alcoholic husband out last Thursday I woke up this morning sad that this is what it has come to. I honestly don't miss him at all I don't understand why I'm sad. I spent yesterday with my children and enjoyed myself but I just can't get rid of this feeling.

Story 17

My son passed away March 8, 2021. He started with opioids then heroin and methadone and died of heroin mixed with fentonoyl. The police treated him like a statistic. I don’t feel the paramedics rushed with anything. I live in the Chicago area. Has anyone ever gotten a lawyer? I have read there are lawyers that go against the pharmacies and Methadone clinics.

Story 18

I never say anything about my personal life.

But I am so tired of trying to figure this out on my own.

So I found out the father of my kids (an alcoholic and who knows what else) cheated a bit over two years ago. I stuck by his side before then, always having hope that the next day he would be sober and blaming myself when he was upset because I could have avoided it. When I found out I felt like I literally felt my heart break in two. I told him continue to do whatever makes u happy im done. And started to focus on myself. I realized that without him I had nothing going for myself.

Fast forward (because im not ready to share everything) to present time, I fixed my credit, have an okay job and I am in the middle of buying a home. (Waiting on sellers to fix something to get my clear to close)

I keep telling myself if the drinking doesn't change by the time I move in he isn't coming.

But the truth is im scared to do this alone.

I'm scared to take on a house on my own. I keep telling myself everything is under my name and this is happening because of me but its not enough. After paying for everything im scared to lose his income and the work he can do in the house.

Lately its been making me feel worthless again, like ill never be able to learn to live without him.

As badly as I want to delete this post I am so tired of the battle I've been having within myself

Story 19

My husband went to inpatient rehab and became infatuated with a 39 year old girl there. When he got out of rehab he lied and said he had to go out of town on business and instead of going where he said he was going he flew to freaking Oregon and stayed at her house to hook up and relapse. Since then he came back and went to another outpatient rehab and lived at Sober Living... she drove here and they met up at a hotel and then he ended up taking her to another rehab, she decided she didn't want to stay and they were together again at some hotel. He then called me to tell me he was taking her back to Oregon so that they could get away from each other. He stayed there at her house for about a week and a half. He finally flew back to make it to our daughter's baptism. He didn't have a place to live since I won't let him stay here. He finally found a guy needing a roommate and is staying there. He keeps calling me and asks how I'm doing and how his 3 kids are. He keeps saying that he is going to make everything right that he can and still fix up or house that we bought to remodel and he said whenever I need a baby sitter to call him and he'll come over. It is so upsetting because when he wasn't talking to me because he was with her it was super easy to be furious and angry. And now it's so frustrating that he is being nice and attentive and when he calls and says he is lonely and wishes he could come over and hang out. I haven't said divorce yet to him but I have said separation. I'm so terrified of getting divorced. I am so heart broken. But I know I can never trust him again. And after he cheated on me I can't imagine ever sharing a bed with him every again! I am so torn and don't know what I need to do right now. Also he relapsed and said he's drinking a little bit at night.

Story 20

I'm so confused.

My ex (and father of my kids) claims to not be an alcoholic. That he can control his drinking. We just got into a text tiff because I was trying to explain to him calmly why it's not a good idea for him to be having our kids overnight while hes drinking. He was sober for a bit and was having them one night a week but hes drinking every day now. Cannot guarantee he wont drink when he has the kids. His words. He reckons he can control the alcohol and hes not an alcoholic. But then told me everyone at his AA meetings know that hes drinking again and are supportive of him, a relapse is just a relapse and the people at his meetings are more important than family right now. I get that recovery is #1 priority, but doesnt that mean hes an alcoholic?

I feel like I'm missing something, perhaps ive misunderstood some of the literature I've been reading? Cause I seriously dont understand. I've been doing so good with detaching and not enabling, I was starting to feel proud of the changes I had made but this is messing with my head.

Story 21

I lost my mother to her alcohol addiction 2 weeks ago. And I don't know how to cope. She was 52.

I knew this day would come. The last time I saw her prior to her passing, she barely looked like my mom. I picked her up out of the hospital after she discharged herself. Long story short, our relationship was always toxic. She was a functioning alcoholic throughout my childhood, but into my teens the drinking increased. She was full blown drinking daily, not eating, battling homelessness and sick in about 6 years time. Ill be 30 this year...

I had children of my own. And knew I never wanted to drink or use drugs. And I don't. I got lucky and never got that "addicted" bug under my skin. I watched every family member before me die from it and it was my job to break the cycle. If not for me, then for my own children. Once I was on my own I decided I needed to get away from my mom who was on her own destructive path. I moved out, battled homelessness myself and really did not reach out to her much. I'd never buy her alcohol. I refused. I tried so many things over the years to just show her that I wanted her to be sober and in my life. I paid for a cab to bring her to my home when I lived out of state for a year. She just wanted to go back. I bought her groceries when I was able, did her laundry and even got her hotel rooms and fast food when it was winter. I really tried so hard. But she always said that she was an alcoholic just like her parents before her and that she would die that way.

I didn't really let my kids get to know her, except my oldest who was born when we still lived together. The heartbreak to have a grandma and know she is killing herself was something I wanted to spare my children. She always got pictures though. And updates on the phone when she called. She was Mimi to them.

When does the guilt stop? Or how can I get it to stop? I sit here and rack my mind with the "what ifs" and the "maybe I should have done more"s. It keeps me up at night and is eating me alive. I'm hoping it gets easier.

She was in the hospital for 2 weeks. We talked of staying sober after her stroke, there was a glimmer of hope so close... But then after my last visit with her, she coded. And she was not strong enough to continue. I had to take her off life support and spend the last few minutes with her. The last thing I got from her was those 2 weeks of sobriety and clarity. And it was the best. She looked at me the day she died & as I was crying she looked at me and said "Don't cry". That was my mom... And I just miss her so much. I didn't know it was going to be this hard.