A Letter to My Mother

Dear Mommy,

I could confess about sneaking out of the house with that top you told me not to wear on under my t-shirt, because you saw it as tasteless. At least I still followed your rules of decorum with regards to modesty, regardless of my fashion expression choices. I could confess about the time I went out of town to shop, although I was with responsible family friends, and called you, I felt it wasn't an appropriate activity for some reason. I might confess the detention that was not a make up quiz, that I got for bad planning on the departure time from home to elevator to homeroom. Or, I may confess that time I wasn't late with band practice, but out sharing ice cream with the young man with the Cadillac. But, I would rather confess how thankful I am that you are my Mother.

I remember how you loved forget-me-nots, and how we saw them in the field at the old church in the southern Pennsylvania mountains. How dear to me is every memory of shared joys, accomplishments, wisdom, and even discipline. I know you would not approve of all my choices in life, but you would be amazed at my dedication, faith, and persistence. You would value my pursuit of my dreams, goals, and sharing of my talents. We would be talking about them every morning.

It is incredible to me how much the things you taught me fit into everything I do. How your words are there for me when I feel lost, or worried. Lately, I have been very lost, my life hasn't shaped the way either of us ever imagined. I am still single, and still working at starting out in life at 40. I never stopped striving or pursuing my passions, but somehow someone somewhere has forgotten to open the starting gate for me. I am always learning and growing as you taught me to always strive to seek more wisdom and continue to learn and read. There isn't a day that goes by that you are not a part of my day.

I have found a new way to put to good purpose my musical abilities with sound healing. I have worked at returning to my writing, while still expanding my artistic pursuits. Do you remember how I loved to dance? I have made up my mind, that I will dance again and work my way to pointe. Why not? I believe I should fulfill every goal that is in my heart to see to its fruition. I am certain you would have a lot to say about all my current goals. We would have many discussions about it all. I miss our discussions, even the arguments.

I believe you would be happy to know that the things you taught me about faith and our family traditions are still very dear to me, as are the values you taught me, and I hold to them throughout my current chaos as an anchor to stand on through the storm.

Likely, the most heartfelt confession I can make to you is that you were wrong. You said, "What will you do? You won't make it." I am making it, and I am making it because of you. You are with me in all I do, and because of you, I will make it! Thank you. I love you forever, and I am grateful for all you have ever taught me every day.

This Mother's day, when I clipped a lilac bloom to bring in as I always would for you, I remembered that first Mother's day we made you breakfast. It is one of my most fond memories. I love you, Mommy.

Love,

Amy Chris