A Fish Out of Water

A Fish out of Water

Not a Social Butterfly by any means

Floundering during social occurrences was always second nature to me. I remember my very first instance of landing flat on my face in public. I was a freshman in college just graduating from high school that summer. It didn't help that I was shy, afraid, and new to all things socially relevant. When I appeared in the public eye, I kept my textbooks close to my breast. They acted as shields between me and other people. I never ventured out into the world of the college campus until this day. This day, I wanted more than cheese peanut butter crackers and cola from the machine. I had an early class at 8:00 a.m. and my next class wasn't until 3 p.m. It was a Monday morning, and I was eager to continue studying for a Social Studies exam later that afternoon. I needed more nourishment. The only time I stepped out of Holmes Hall was to go to my gym class. I had a swimming class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. All my other classes were near Holmes Hall. I had no need to venture across the bridge that day because I had no gym classes. I have no idea why I decided to break all my rules. All the rules news that kept me bottled inside my box of social assuredness. Because I would be assured that I could avoid a social faux pas if I stayed within the confines of my rules. My stomach was growling, and I knew peanut butter and cheese crackers would not do. I had gone to bed without dinner because I was so exhausted from studying all Sunday for my three o’clock social Studies class. I gathered up my frightened body and walked purposefully to the front entrance of Holmes Hall. I was determined to go to the Canteen. The social hangout of the college. Keep in mind the only time I'd ever been to the Canteen was well come to think of it I had never been there. I wondered if I could even get there without directions. I could never ask for directions because that would make me the most foolish person on earth let alone the college campus of Morgan State University. I walked across the bridge and glanced up at the clock situated in front of the building. Could I do this? I don't know. Surely, everybody in the canteen would be occupied with eating studying or maybe even resting, listening to music from the jukebox. You could always hear music playing from the jukebox. No one will be paying attention to me. I looked down at my plaid jumper and scout why did I wear this today. I looked like a child in elementary school. white button-down blouse. it was awful I looked like adult of rag doll. You can do this. All you need to do is fit in. They're all like you. Everybody in the canteen is either hungry, relaxing, talking, or studying. In fact, they are socializing on their breaks in between classes, and they won't even notice you. I walk in and I guess. These people are not my people. Look at the girls. They have beautiful blow out Afros and are wearing jeans and sandals. Some of them have jewelry studded headbands and are wearing their hair in two braids. They look so casual and comfortable. I have on black and whites and am wearing a green sweater with green buttons. I am carrying four books…three textbooks and a big loose-leaf notebook. I don't belong. I can't walk any further. No one's looking at me but no one's smiling either. And my stomach is still growling. I'm sure the whole place has heard it now but I'm not sure because the music's very loud. I hear a lot of chatter, a lot of laughter and there are some students sleeping and others cuddling in the corners of the canteen. All I need to do, is walk with some confidence to the counter and order. I'll just get a hamburger and fries. I can do this. Remember no one's paying attention to you. all you have to do is fit in. You are the same age. You're all here for the same thing. You're a grown-up college student getting ready to order a hamburger and some fries. Nobody cares about you. They have their own lives. Who knows maybe you can spot someone who's in one of your classes? That would be the answer. Find somebody who has the same interests you do. I don’t see anybody I know. Okay, get your food and find a seat. Good. I see an empty table. Now sit down and eat your food and go. You can do this. The sounds of the music, laughter, and chatter has enveloped you. You barely hear the voice that asks, is it okay if I sit at your table? You look up and smile. Yes. You push aside your textbooks, please have a seat. Are you ready for the test? I think I am, but after we eat maybe we can study together. Hey, that’s good, I was so afraid that I almost didn’t come inside. Maybe one day I’ll be as bold as you were. I smiled and said. Yeah, I think you already are. Would you like some fries?