3 Reasons You Should Never Say What You Don’t Want

I had a friend who sadly passed away six years ago. Michael (not his real name for reasons which will become clear) was a very smart guy. Michael spoke several languages in addition to his native tongue of English. He was fluent in Russian, French and Spanish. He was a very in demand online, freelance translator for Wall Street investment brokers who wanted to do business abroad.

I met Michael by pure chance at Seville airport waiting for a bus to the city centre. And he was the sort of person who you felt you had known all your life right from the start.

Michael was entertaining, very disarming, fun, kind and a generous sort of person. He was also very eloquent. I remember him once telling me in his well educated, ever so English way “Liam, I have a stray one-eyed cat and a fine Galician wine at home if you would care to join me.”

However Michael had two fatal faults. His first fault was a lack of control regarding his consumption of alcohol. His two favourite drinks were real Russian vodka and Spanish wine. Admittedly, I too liked a tipple, but I could take it or leave it.

Michael’s second fault, one which in the end, in my view, was to prove fatal and cost him his life, was to habitually state what he didn’t want.

I recall Michael once, upon being asked by a barman what he wanted to drink, answering “Well I don’t want whiskey.” Whiskey was what the barman gave him.

I did try to explain to Michael that it was not a good idea to say what he didn’t want as the chances were that that was what in all likelihood he would get.

“ Michael” I said “ When the barman asked you what you wanted he then listened for your answer, for you to name the thing you wanted, and all he could hear above the noise of the bar was the familiar word whiskey. That is why you got whiskey. The barman didn’t ask you what you don’t want, so why tell him that ?”

Another time Michael paid for his parents to go on holiday to Russia. They asked him what he would like them to bring him home as a souvenir. Michael’s reply was “Bring me anything you like, but please, I do not want another photograph of St Peter’s Square.” What did Michael’s parents get for him? Yes, you guessed it, another photograph of St Peter’s Square.

I have no idea why Michael spoke in this way, but ultimately it was to prove his undoing.

Michael’s father was an alcoholic and died of his addiction. And far too often, over a glass of wine in the wee small hours, Michael would confide in me.

“Liam, I don’t want to be an alcoholic like my dad and die like him because of it.”

Many was the time, especially at breakfast, when his hands trembled trying to hold a glass of water, a clear case of delirium tremens. I told Michael he needed to get his drinking under control. And I wasn’t the only one. His mother and his brother expressed the same concerns. Michael just got angry and refused to discuss it. Sadly, he buried himself deep in denial about his alcoholism. In the end, he alienated and isolated himself from everybody who ever cared for him. In the end he was out there on his own, being carried along by a current of alcoholism and negative thinking, a combination that ultimately proved to be his undoing.

One morning I was walking across town and a mutual friend called me over. This friend gave me the sad news of Michael’s passing. I was deeply saddened and had to sit down with a glass of water to take in the awful news. I openly wept in the public square.

He had passed away at home having drank far too much the night before and choked on his own vomit. To my mind poor old Michael had unwittingly brought his own demise upon himself with his negative way of expressing himself. By saying what he didn’t want it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And so the three reasons why you should never, ever, say what you don’t want are as follows.

1.What you say you don’t want you will get.

2.What you say you don’t want you will get.

3.What you say you don’t want you will get.

I would like to dedicate this article to my dear friend Michael who to this day I miss enormously. Michael I loved you and I miss you man.