Life On The Spectrum :Chapter 12

I had started entering the world of online dating about a year before I met the CAP-G Producer. After the falling out I doubled my efforts and for months I had a few close calls but no real success. It was obvious most Neurotypical Girls were not interested in me and I did not disclose my diagnosis on the dating profiles. I did disclose my diagnosis to the CAP-G Producer but that obviously did not work out. I had definitely decided that if I were to have a significant other, I would prefer a fellow Aspie, This was no easy task since the diagnosis is relatively rare in Females. In desperation I tried a site called Aspieology dedicated to Neurodivergent relationships. At first I couldn’t find anyone near me so I sat on it for a few months. A few months later around the holidays I spotted a profile of a girl my age who lived not real close, but close enough that I thought it could be realistic. Her description seemed to indicate that she had very similar interests to mine.I sent her a message, she replied back and we messaged each other frequently over the next few weeks. She said that she wanted to wait until March before meeting me around her birthday, coincidentally my Birthday is also in March. I agreed considering I waited this long, a few more months would be fine.

By February we had exchanged phone-numbers and from my first phone conversation with her I felt completely at ease and realized that I did not have to maintain the “Normal” façade that I had with the CAP-G Producer. By Early March we had decided that we would meet to see Beauty and the Beast (starring my former celebrity crush Emma Watson) at a theater near her. Around the same time I got a friend request on Facebook from a name I did not recognize so I deleted it. a few days later I got a comment on one of my drumming-based youtube videos from the same guy I had not heard of before. He asked if I wanted to jam with him. I jumped at the opportunity. I found out he was the leader of a band called “Lonely at the Top” and wanted me to audition for the drummer slot. I had done auditions with bands before but none had worked out. I ended up going to his house where he already had a drum kit set up for me. We played a bunch of songs that we both liked together. after jamming for a bit I started to tell him about the downward spiral my life had taken recently. He asked me if I was Asperger’s and told me just by coincidence he was too. Things really clicked and I asked him if we could next rehearse at my house so I could use my drum kit. He agreed. Over the next few weeks I met my other bandmates.

On the Sunday after my Birthday I finally met up with the girl I had been in contact with.

I also met her sister and her fiancé. After having a quick dinner, We browsed the Barnes & Noble at the mall. We both loved reading and spent time browsing our particular interests and learning about each other. We watched the movie and afterwards I told her that the night had been worth the wait.

I saw her again the following Sunday because my parents were having lunch with friends and the place was near where she lived. We ate lunch together and we talked more about our shared experience growing up on the spectrum and I realized that she was like the person I would like to be. Completely accepting and relatively at peace with myself. The kind of person I would have been if my negative experiences growing up had not beaten all the optimism and spirit out of me. This would become a liability later on but more on that later.

We really started bonding during a trip to the Philadelphia Zoo. She told me how her mother had died of breast cancer when she was 13 and how her father was like my mother, stern and impatient. I wanted us to kiss in the bat cave like my parents had done decades prior. She was hesitant. We went into the bat cave and I kissed her but she recoiled quickly and told me it was uncomfortable for her.

I wanted to show her the Star Wars movies, in sequence. She loved Episode I with her favorite character being Jar Jar Binks. Ironically the character most people hate. However I wanted to show her almost the entirety of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I unfortunately burned her out and she insisted we go to the next movie after a while.

Around the same time my new band "Lonely At The Top" were rehearsing and doing shows on occasion. We had to replace our bass player due to creative differences. I brought in my friend Josh from College.

I had once again dropped out of college due to issues with my science class.

In July of 2017 we took a trip to the UK and Ireland , We visited such sites as Abbey Road in London, Stone Henge, Buckingham Palace, Edinburgh, York, Belfast, Dublin.

Me and my girlfriend continued to see each other every weekend. My dad would drive me to New Jersey nearly every weekend, We would either hang out at the mall. See a movie. (She worked as an usher at the movie theater, Just like i used to for the same chain. She even had one of my old managers) After seeing "The Shape of Water" with it's gratuitous sex and violence I decided I would not go to another movie unless it was one I agreed to. She eventually met my brother whom she did not really like. I brought her to a family party and she became enamored with my cousin Becky. I joked later that I was worried that she loved Becky more than me.

Around Christmas, she helped us decorate our house for Christmas. My Brother really bothered her by making fun of a song that she found sentimental "The Christmas Shoes". I wanted to see Star Wars Episode VIII with her on the weekend it came out in December. We met at the Wanamaker building in Philadelphia where she told me she had seen the movie the previous night and then proceeded to reveal a major spoiler from the movie to me. I was pissed off but I didn't show it. The next day, she was with us when we adopted a foxhound we named Savannah. We saw The Last Jedi that night and my brother acted obnoxious the whole night which really pissed me off. I attended her older sisters wedding and met her father a few times. I was really scared of her father and wanted to do everything I could to stay on his good side. I later found out she had a bunch of staff who spent time with her and oversaw her affairs. by 2018 I truly believed I had found the love of my life. In the Spring of 2018 I went to my old high school's Alumni Dinner. I introduced my girlfriend to my friends from high school. One of my teachers asked me and her were going to tie the knot to which I replied I don't know. Later that night according to my dad my girlfriend told him she wanted to marry me. 2018 continued and we continued to see each other. I became very close to her sisters and felt accepted into their family. At the same time She was being accepted into my family. In November of 2018 my cousin Michelle got married. My girlfriend came to the wedding with me. Things ran smoothly until the hora happened. (My cousins husband is Jewish.) My Girlfriend had a meltdown and had to leave the room due to all the people and noise. As I left the wedding my cousin Michelle told me "You're next! (to get married).

The first signs that things may have been unravelling was when my girlfriend said that her head staff member didn't want her to get married. 2018 turned into 2019. In January of 2019 I went to Walt Disney World to see IllumiNations: Reflections Of Earth for the last few times before the idiots at Disney replaced it. Things went smoothly for a few weeks until my girlfriend asked me a question I should have seen coming. She said she wanted to know when we can do something. I asked her what but she couldn't say it so I asked her to write it down. On the paper was the word "Sex" I brought her to my bedroom , told her I was flattered that she wanted to sleep with me and showed her my genitals but told her I wasn't comfortable unless we used condoms. She called me a week later to tell me she had bought condoms.

I told my mom what had happened and she told me to be careful.

I was scared I was afraid that if something went wrong even with condoms that her father would be angry with me. Soon mom was getting threatening calls from my girlfriend's staff telling her to make sure we didn't have sex.

Still, over the next few weeks we engaged in sexual activities but never straight intercourse, I didn't want to risk it. Afterwards, there were a few weeks I didn't see her. When we finally re-grouped for dinner at a TGI Fridays near her house, She proceeded to try to guilt trip me into having sex with her saying that our relationship wasn't "REAL" without it. I stood my ground saying that I would only do it if it was Okay with her sisters or father. She then broke up with me. I took it in stride for a few weeks but soon called her back and told her I wanted to get back together. She agreed and we went on a few more dates but the magic was gone and when she asked me right before we saw the 2019 CGI remake of The Lion King she asked if we could just be friends I reluctantly agreed not wanting to cause a scene as we were in public.

I had returned to college to take a science course. I enlisted my scientifically-inclined cousin Jason to help me review the material and I passed the class. In December my ex contacted me asking if I wanted to see Star Wars The Rise Of Skywalker with her . I declined because I had already planned to see it with Jason. Christmas was kind of bittersweet but I managed to pull through.

On New Years Eve, I went to a friend of my moms house to watch the 3 hour long Martin Scorsese film "The Irishman" to ring in 2020. I found the movie to be a bit long winded. Then we went home and I made a discovery that shook me to my core.