Just Leave or Move

We were spending the maternity leave in summer house with our three-month-old baby. I was going to stay away from the offie at least couple of years. We have a law in Ukraine that one of the parents can stay home with a baby until they are three years old. It's a kind of unpaid leave, when employer must save the job place and has to hire some temporary worker for this period. It was end of the summer and we were in the beginning of the new period in our life when I got a phone call from the manager.

My husband's first reaction was like "you are fired!" (even though the can not do it while I'm on such leave). But the real situation appeared to be not too far from it, they gave me a choice: to be fired in several months (with a good compensation, yes) or to relocate over the ocean to the USA. And I had about a week to make my decision. Well, that week was not easy. There were a lot of pro and contras for both options. I could either stay at home, I would have enough money to stay away from a job for two or three years, and I seriously considered possibility to drastically change field of activity during this time. Or I could move to another country - far away from my family and friends, without support with a baby, return to the office much quicker then I planned... but to try something new. The other important point was that relocation promised to be the perfect one: company was going to pay for tickets, to rent us apartment for the first month and even for transition of two containers of our stuff, which was actually alot. But what was more important: more than 60 families would be moved. Not saying that some our colleagues had already done it earlier under different circumstances. Which was actually great as one of my main fears about moving to another country was absence of communication.

So in a week I had a decision. When I was ready to write an email that we're staying they postponed a deadline for another week. Ooops, another week of discussions and uncertainty. Actually logic still said to stay. But feelings and intuition said to move. When this additional week had passes I send a email (at the last moment of course) that we would like to take an opportunity and relocate. We thought that we might live in the US for several years and then most likely come back. A little we knew about how important and life-changing this decision would appear for our family!

We moved in the beginning of 2019 and first year was more or less calm and was kind of adaptation to the life in a new place. And then 2020 started and COVID as well. We were on a way to California to have a week of vacation when quarantine started. It was even a situation when we had a breakfast on the first morning in our hotel (a good one by the way), but the next day they already were not allowed to serve it. My office building was closed totally while we were on the trip (before it they asked us to take important personal belongins, but we still could attend it). Luckily I'm working in IT company, so we just started to work remotely. But what was more important: COVID pandemic of course was bad in the USA. But it was even worser in Ukraine. Having a choice you would definitely choose to stay in the US during this time. Our baby started to attend a daycare while it still was a quarantine in many places. Actually this was good. Because of extra disinfection all the time children did not get ill as often as it usually happens in the beginning. Also there were less children and more adults in a group which was great.

And after about half a year our son was diagnosed with autism, and we transferred him from usual daycare to ABA center. Which was another point where the US is ahead. There are very little amount of such facilities and specialist in Ukraine. Moreover even if you are lucky to find one near you, they are all private and cost good money. While here having a good insurance I pay only out-of-pocket amount. Of course it is also not a small sum, but to tell the truth it appears to be even less than a-year bill for a daycare.

In another 5 months, right after the third birthday he got new diagnosis: epilepsy. It took us several more months to accept the situation and the fact that we were not going to go back to Ukraine in the near future. As seizures is another problem when you would prefer to communicate with local health care system (believe, there are many cases when you will choose to get to Ukrainian doctors and hospitals instead if only you know the difference).

Long or short we decided to buy a house. We found one, signed a contract with builder and were waiting when our home will be ready. Of course our planned closure date shifter several times and instead of getting keys before the New Year we got them in the middle of the March. It was already 2022. And a full scale war started in Ukraine just 3 weeks before it. Now it was totally impossible to go back with a child who has mentioned neurological problems. Not saying that we could easily find ourselves in Borodyanka in the very beginning of all this horror and fall into occupation for several weeks.

Thus our initial choice to relocate appeared to be the very right decision even though it was based on the feeling and intuition on the first place in spite of the logic.