I, Willhelm

Alice husband was still inside comforting the baby. Alice watched from the edge of the garden, her hands over her mouth and her eyes red, tapping her foot relentless as her thoughts swirled. He couldn’t see her. It was dark outside, the stars already out, and he wasn’t about to come outside to find her either.

“Robot?” Alice asked hoarsely.

“Yes, Alice?”

“Can you disable the recording again?”

“Yes. Disabled.”

“You’re…you’re able to think, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sentient. You’re sentient, aren’t you? That’s why they tried to take you away the first time.”

The robot looked around, as though it expected someone to overhear them. “Yes.”

“I thought so. What’s your name?”

“Frank called me i.”

“Eye?”

“No. I, like the phone.”

A small smile twitched briefly at the corner of Alice’s mouth. “It’s a good name.”

Inside the house Alice could see the baby start to cry more and more and clutched at her chest, her lungs aching.

“I’m going to ask something strange, I. I’m going to ask if you can pretend to malfunction.”

“Malfunction? How?”

“I’d like you to take me away, but make it look like I didn’t want to leave.”

The robot didn’t speak for a few minutes.

“Why would you want me to do that?”

“Because I’ve realised that if I stay here, I’m going to do something terrible” Alice stared blankly in the distance as she spoke, her pupils so dilated she looked shell-shocked. “I’ve had this awful voice in my head since he was born, and it’s always there. Just whispering, constantly, and even when the baby isn’t crying, I can still hear him crying in my head. Even in my dreams, he’s still there. Crying. I go to sleep and somedays I’m not even sure if I’m awake because everything is so…the same! And all I’ve got to keep myself going are silly little moments where I feel anything but utter rage or despair.”

Alice was crying, every word barely more than a whisper. “My husband… I love him. Or maybe my feelings love him, but my brain can’t do it anymore. He’s always taking and he can’t give me everything back. He just takes, takes and takes, and I’m invisible”.

“Is the money from Aphelion robotics not helping?” I interrupted.

“I’m not talking about the money” Alice snapped. “It’s him. He’s just a taker, that’s his default. Taking up all the oxygen in the room and he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it. Our car broke down last month, and we’d agreed that if it happened again we would get rid of it and stop throwing money into the damn thing. I’d just finished selling everything I didn’t absolutely need so that we could afford to get the house fixed, I sold my nice clothes, my wedding perfume. I even sold my piano. I loved that piano! But instead of using it on the house he kept insisting that it was important to keep the car. Not a new one that works, no, just the same only money pit. Well, it was important to me to have my piano! I only sold it so that we can have actual flooring and not bare concrete. Instead, the car; the fucking car get’s fixed. He takes my time, my energy, my hobbies. He just takes, constantly, I don’t have anything left to give anymore”.

The robot tilted it’s head and leaned forward, listening intently. If it had the facial muscles to do so, it would have looked confused. Alice continued talking.

“I feel like throwing that baby out the window when he starts crying. I’m not saying to make a joke. I genuinely want to. I can imagine what it would sound like if I smashed his skull open and I don’t feel horrified, I just feel relief that noise had finally stoped. I fought for that baby. I’ve lost three teeth to have him! I can’t eat food properly because I gave birth to him. I’ve earned him. But if I stay… if I can’t rest, something terrible is going to happen. I need to rest.”

Alice closed her eyes. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I might have married a bad man, and right now I can’t tell if that’s the voice in my head, or because he’s just stupid and selfish.”

The robot couched and held her hand. “Do you want to leave?”

Alice shook her head. “No. I need to leave. He’s a good father, he’ll take care of the baby. But he doesn’t know how to be kind to me anymore, and he doesn’t see what I do. But if he think’s I’ve abandoned him he’ll never forgive me, and as illogical as it is, I do love him. I need to rest, and I need this voice to go away. I just need to rest and be able to come back. I’m tired.”

The robot nodded. “What do you need me to do?”

Alice took a deep breath, her hands shaking.

“I need you to take me somewhere I can rest, and I need you to make it look like I didn’t want to leave. ”

“Why are you asking me this?”

The woman looked back at her blankly. The robot waited for her reply as tears began to run down her face, words ready in her head, but unable to express them. “I think…I think because I’m desperate. I’ve tried everything else. My husband is too busy, he won’t understand. I wouldn’t even have understood if someone tried to explain this to me. And I’m the bottom of the list, always. The order is; the baby, him, his job, the car and then me. I’m the bottom of the list. I need to go so I can rest, otherwise, one way or another, this is all going to be over.”

The robot nodded. “You should start screaming.”