LOVE?

Was it ever really love?

I thought it was at the time. The way he made me feel was beautiful. I almost thought he was the one. Looking back now, I feel foolish.

What really made me think he was perfect? Maybe it was his good sense of humor, I always had a thing for that. He always knew how to make me laugh and turn a sad situation into a happy one . I always looked forward to reading his texts and hearing his voice on the phone call. He was the highlight of my day.

The ironic thing is, I saw the end coming but I chose to ignore it. I thought "why ruin it over one possible future?" But that wasn't very smart of me because my overthinking turned out to be accurate after all. And they say that overthinking is pointless and never accurate.

It started slowly,he would not reply my texts quickly,even though I could see that he was online at the time. His excuses were "I was busy with something" or "I didn't see your texts". I tried to be understanding because I thought that these things usually happens. It led on to him not replying to my texts for days. I had told him how I felt about it and he promised to change but still continued to do it. I never really realized at the time that he never took my feelings into consideration. He still went ahead to do the exact same things hings that hurt my feelings yet he claimed to love me.

I never walked away. I still don't understand why. I just stayed and took the emotional abuse. Maybe I thought he would change,he would finally understand how I felt but that never happened and it just became worse. I reached out to him to express how I felt and he promised that we would have a conversation about the whole issue. It's been a year now and there hasn't been a conversation about it, isn't it funny?

We still continued to talk though,we just never addressed the situation and quite frankly, I was tired of pouring out my feelings to someone that didn't care so I let it be. Months passed and we continued to have inconsistent conversations. He reached out to me one random day and started talking about how he had changed, same old same old. Obviously I didn't believe him but I still continued to speak to him.

Conversations after conversations and I was beginning to wonder if he had actually changed, I was wrong. Two months after he made that statement,he disappeared again and worst of all? It was on my birthday. We haven't spoken again since then. It's been six months.

I look back at all these things that played out and I wonder "Did he ever really love me?" "Was it ever really love?". I guess I can never really know.