Look! the Book

The majority of people do not remember the very first book they read, let alone the very first word they read.

I do, very clearly. Thanks to some unfortunate circumstances.

The first word I read was 'look'. I read it in 'Look!' the book.

I cannot show you a picture of the book in question. I have been looking all week and driven slightly crazy by the search! I work in a library with extensive records of every book ever published, excluding any radical ones.

Either 'Look!' the book had a massive political undertone which I was too young to understand, or it is simply too old and obscure to find.

Whichever one it is, I am simply unable to find a picture of it, so I shall describe it to you.

'Look!' the book followed two children searching for something around their house. The colorful pictures showed them searching under beds, in the laundry basket, and around the living room. Every page had one word on it.

'Look!'

As a child, I was very slow learning to read. It is unclear as to why this was though I am now pursuing an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, so perhaps I could not pay enough attention to keep up.

Nevertheless, the problem stood for long enough for me to be taken aside by a teacher and given some more guidance on a daily basis. The school must have also let my mother know, as she also gave me some extra storytime at home.

I remember being quite excited by the attention at first, before I realized it was because I was not learning fast enough. Suddenly, it was like life had filled my school backpack with heavy rocks. Desperately sad was little me, when others ran ahead, and she was left to wade through more difficult waters.

It was the kind of sadness I now recognize as the type I started to feel as a teenager, just much earlier. I hated it. I hated myself for it.

One day, my mother presented a book to me at bedtime. It was called 'Look!' and we sat down to read it before I got tucked in (I loved being tucked in!).

"Lock!" I burst out enthusiastically, immediately reading it wrong.

My mother did not correct me. Instead, she asked me to sound out the word slowly.

• L - Luh
• O - Oh
• O - Oh
• K - Kuh

"Lowk?" I said again, knowing it was wrong, but having no other answer to give.

She then asked me to add the O's together, like a musical note.

"Luh oo Kuh"

"Yes!"

There are not many moments in my life where I have felt proud enough to burst but that one is top of the list! I read for the first time ever! I did not just 'look' at the words (irony not lost on me here), I was understanding them!

My memory is so sharp when remembering the feeling of something 'clicking'. The word slipped into my mind, never to be forgotten again. It is a memory I treasure. I proved a horrible little hateful voice in my head wrong.

'I can do it! I can read!'

I kept that feeling in a pocket in my brain. I think I knew I would need it later.

Children develop 'milestones' at different rates for innumerable reasons. It is important that a child's confidence is not knocked by developing slower than the average curve.

For a long time, I was very discouraged by my slow learning when reading. It did not come from my lovely teacher, nor my lovely mother. Instead, it came from my little classmates, and myself. I was a harsh critic towards little me, and my classmates did not like me much anyway (they had complaints of my boisterousness!). Then, my confidence in reading and writing took another massive knock when I did not pass one of my English GCSE's and had to retake it a year later.

If you had asked me at any point before the age of 16, I was rubbish at English and I would never become much of a reader, let alone a writer.

Thankfully, I love the world of fiction too much to let it go. I wanted to read easy, and write my own fictions. As such, I have worked rather hard with myself over the last 8 years to rebuild my relationship with the written word. I have kept the echoes of that memory to cheer me on.

'I can do it! I can read!'

As it turns out, I can also achieve a Master's degree, a job at a library, and my own fictional writing hobby on Vocal. I can do so much more than little me believed of herself, poor thing.

I wish I could let her know that I am so brilliantly happy to be at this point in my life!

All thanks to a little girl and her book, who showed me I could read.

'Look!'

I kept looking, honey, I kept reading, and I got our confidence back!

A/N: Gosh, this is rather personal for me! Though, it felt like the right time to tell this story. I hope you like it! I teared up when writing it, little me would be so so happy to see me writing! It's what she always dreamed of doing!

Keep 'look'ing everyone!

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