A Book Makes A Book

Across my lifetime, I have felt the deep impact of many different books. My family read chapter books together ever since I was a child, and we used to read regularly. There were times where we would have to read by candle light because we couldn't afford to pay the electricity bill, and during this time the library was a second home to me. I've always read. 

As a kid, I underwent a difficult journey and moved across the country multiple times. My only constant throughout this ordeal always was a public library. I cycled through book after book, series after series, and I always needed my next one. Harry Potter, Brotherband, Voice Over Academy, Vampire Diaries, I read it all. I devoured anything I could get my hands on. It was amazing. 

One book stands out in my memory -- the first book of a series from an author I'd never heard of before. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell. This was the first story I'd read that had a real, genuine gay couple and many other queer characters. I felt so seen as I read this book, I felt even more at home in the library. I was still exploring my sexuality and figuring out who I thought I was, and this book shed a light into my dark little closet. 

Carry On is a story about witchcraft and magical schools. It was made as a parody of Harry Potter -- which was a series I'd been read as a child and read for myself further down the road -- but yet it captured everything I needed and had gotten denied from J. K. Rowling. It features the 'worst' chosen one ever, Simon Snow, who falls in love with his cliché rival, Tyrannus "Baz" Basilton Grimm-Pitch. It's a silly book, in all honestly, but that fun nature adds to its charm. Instead of making me scared to explore who I am, it helped me embrace my queerness and my differences. 

I might not have had a grandiose adventure to find out my sexuality. I didn't kiss someone in a brilliant ball of fire and burn a forest down because of my emotions, but that's what it felt like for me. I felt trapped in the closet of a house that was rapidly burning down, but I was too scared to cross the threshold and leave. Instead of the comfy house that was given to everyone around me, I needed to actively go find somewhere safe for me. I found house after house, but I couldn't stay. It was like I was trying to shove myself into some other persons house and I never knew if or when they would come home.

Carry on helped me find my place, far better than any other book I read before. There was no hating on characters for being themselves, just support from the main characters. They dealt with homophobic parents as well, they understood my feeling of not being enough. This book made me feel like it was okay to not be able to -- or even want -- children. I felt love from these characters, and it was the same love that I felt. They were equals. They didn't need one character that was the 'boy' or 'girl' in the relationship. They were simply in love.

An important book may not, necessarily, be a perfect book. There are quirks, and a bit of an edge, but even if it isn't a timeless masterpiece, a book may be just what you need at the right time. I needed Carry On, I need the courage it gave me and the reminder that its okay to be different. I loved this book when I was younger, and it still holds a very sacred place in my heart.