You Can Dictate Your Narrative

My hair has never really been mine. I remember when I was a little girl, I asked my hairstylist for blond highlights. He told me that blonde wouldn't look good with my curls.

In high school, I wanted very long layers that would really show off my voluptuous curls. I grew out my hair for years so that I could have this cut. When my hairdresser turned me around, I was shocked to see my long hair gone. She gave me a layered ear-length cut. It might be silly to cry over hair, but I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. My hair dream was stolen by what the hairstylist thought was more appropriate for my age.

I asked a different stylist for red hair in college, warning her that my hair was very dark, so it would probably need bleached first. I showed her a photo of an ombre redhead. She said to trust her, and she would give me exactly what I wanted. The result, a barely noticeable red tint to my brunette hair and another hair dream crushed.

After college, I got married and settled down. I thought this would be the perfect time for a new hair transformation. So, I went to a hairstylist in my new town and asked her for grey hair. She looked at me and said she didn't think I had the personality for the color or the upkeep. This woman, who knew me for 5 seconds, made a profound judgment about who I was and with her, another hair dream shattered.

So you see, for my entire life, my hair has not been my own. The gatekeepers that regulated what was appropriate for my style, my personal brand, did not let me contribute to my hair narrative.

They took my money but kept my dreams. And then 2020 happened.

The world began to crash around us all. People were dying, and I was sufferings from extreme anxiety and PTSD from childhood trauma. After seeking professional counseling, I realized that life is too short to let others dictate my happiness.

I needed a physical change. I needed something tangible as a representation of the change inside of me. So, I watched a million hair tutorials and began my new hair journey. After 3 months of safe bleaching and a little bit of pink dye, I felt free for the first time in my life. It didn't matter what my hair looked like. What mattered was that for the first time in my life, I felt in control.

The fact that my hair looked incredible was just a bonus! Although, maybe I thought it looked so good because I dictated the narrative of my hair journey for the first time in my entire life.

I did the research. I invested in healthy products. I waited for the appropriate time to transform my hair safely. And the results were birthed out of my decision. It was completely empowering!

Out with the old and in with my voice! I noticed for the first time in a long time; I started making healthier decisions. My confidence grew, and I began to feel beautiful again.

After trauma and childbirth, feeling enough and feeling beautiful felt out of reach. But those feelings started to feel closer than ever.

I've been an artist my whole life. Creativity is deeply rooted in my identity, and I realized that the need to express myself through my hair was what I needed to heal the broken areas of my life.

For some, hair is just hair. But for me, my hair is a piece of artwork that is deeply rooted in who I am and directs me on the path of becoming who I want to be. It's my vote of confidence, my representation of healing.

Maybe I'll be a brunette again someday. Or perhaps I'll shave it all off and rock a bald style. Whatever my decision, it will be mine, and that is empowering!