5 Surprising Ways Makeup Helped Me Take Control of My Depression

In a day and age that finds more people than ever embracing their natural looks, flaws and all, makeup sometimes gets a bad rap. Those who wear it on a daily basis are seen as vain, insecure, and shallow  -- misguided individuals who wrongly value appearance over character. Or worse, they're seen as brainwashed by the patriarchy  --  empty-headed mannequins completely devoid of any real identity or values of their own.

I know, because as someone who's always prided herself on being honest and real, I spent years feeling the same way. I wore makeup. It wasn't much more to me than an obligatory part of making myself presentable to the rest of the world, though. I didn't relate at all to women who wore full faces of it literally every day or who felt the need to maintain large collections of different products. I most certainly couldn't have told you what on earth bronzer or highlighter was for.

Then life started getting tough, and the clinical depression I've struggled with since I was a teenager got bad  -- really bad -- and it stayed bad for several years. I stayed so depressed for so long, I thought that was just who I was now  -- someone who barely found it worthwhile to get up in the morning and didn't see much point to life at all. I put on a lot of weight, I started drinking heavily, and I completely forgot that I once used to be someone who was intensely creative, curious, and excited about life.

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Eventually, the impact of all those bad choices started to affect my health on a level I couldn't ignore anymore. I knew that if I didn't pull it together soon and change some things, I wasn't going to make it, so I mustered every shred of willpower I had left and made some changes. I started working out and eating better. I got my drinking under control, and my head started to clear as a result. Eventually, I started to realize that taking care of my body was an important part of taking care of my mind, so I actively decided to take more pride in my appearance again, as well.

Makeup was a part of that, but it eventually came to be so much more. It became the very thing that helped me reconnect with the rest of the world, as well as get to know myself again after years of having no idea who I was anymore. No one was more surprised by that than I was, but sometimes that's how recovery works  --  mysteriously and in ways you really don't expect.

1. Makeup helped me re-establish a healthy routine.

When you're struggling with severe depression, there's a lot about your life that starts to slide downhill, and your basic grooming routine is often one of the first. One day, you're just skipping a shower here and a hair brushing session there because you're just way too drained to think about it. Then before you know it, you've become a swamp person with a head full of mats, and you can't remember the last time you were actually bathing often enough.

If you work an outside job and have important obligations that force you out of the house on a semi-regular basis, you're more inclined to keep up with that stuff to meet other people's expectations and appear "normal". I worked at home for myself in the age of telecommuting, Amazon Prime, and grocery delivery, though, so things got embarrassingly bad before I actually found the motivation to turn things around.

Doing my makeup every day became part of a developing morning routine that made me feel healthy, alive, and ready to take on the day like an actual human being again. I also found it weirdly relaxing. The act of going through all the steps involved in applying foundation, blending eyeshadow, and choosing the right lip color to go with the look I created was very meditative.

Eventually, I realized that the makeup part of my morning routine had a way of calming me and putting me in a great mood, even if I started the day upset, sad, or anxious. It made me want to learn how to do more with it, and before I knew it, I had a new hobby to get excited about for the first time in a long time.

2. Makeup helped me get to know myself again.

I used to think that how we choose to groom and style ourselves was merely superficial  --  a way to look presentable or seem attractive to people we wanted to know better. I've since realized that it's really our way of telling the world who we think we are and where we feel we belong. Makeup became a tool I could use to figure out who I'd become, both after depression and because of it.

I wanted some help choosing products, so I signed up for Ipsy (and, later on, BoxyCharm). I filled out the beauty questionnaires they sent me and made up my mind to try every single product they choose for me whether I liked the sounds of it or not. I wound up trying a lot of things I never in a million years would have picked out for myself as a result, but I had a blast. I also learned a lot about what I actually liked and felt comfortable with.

In my previous life, I only wore red or dark lipstick and neutral, barely-there eye makeup. After branching out a little, I discovered that I loved colored eyeshadow  -- bright, saturated shades in every color of the rainbow. I also learned that I liked winged eyeliner, nude lip gloss, and retro looks that reminded me of the '60s or the '80s  -- all things I never would have pictured myself vibing with before. Discoveries like those introduced me to a hopeful, fun-loving, positive side of myself that I was surprised by, but really liked.

3. Makeup taught me to love my natural features.

When I was growing up, representation, self-acceptance, and body-positive thinking weren't anywhere near as big as they are now. Most of my peers saw makeup as a way to correct, cover up, or otherwise hide things about themselves that didn't gel with society's narrow idea of what was beautiful, and I was the same way.

I hated my brown eyes because I thought brown was the most boring color ever. I also thought my nose was too big, my smile was too wide, my skin was too freckly, and my face was too long. (Don't even get me started on how I felt about my hair or my body.) I remember wasting a lot of energy trying to hide or downplay features I saw as ugly, embarrassing, or just plain unacceptable.

Actually learning more about makeup, including how to apply it properly, taught me that it wasn't something I needed to make my face acceptable. It was something I could use to celebrate the ways my face was unique. I learned how to pick out skincare products that were right for my skin type, how to use different products to make the most of my features, and how to create looks that were properly balanced, as well as in step with my personality.

I got to know my own face really well as a result, and I became truly comfortable in my own skin for probably the first time ever. Instead of hating my natural features because they weren't like somebody else's, I grew to love them because they were uniquely mine. I have makeup to thank for that.

4. Makeup gave me a way to truly be nice to myself.

Like a lot of people, I used to confuse treating myself with giving myself permission to overindulge in things that weren't good for me. I've since learned that I prefer being good to myself in ways that reinforce healthy, positive habits instead. There's a lot about makeup and skincare that fits right in with that thinking.

Taking time out on the weekend to do skincare treatments or masks gives me a chance to unwind properly while pampering myself a little, but it's also genuinely good for my skin. Adding a little color to my face in the morning is a great self-esteem booster, but it also helps me prepare to take on the day. These are fun, enjoyable ways to keep my daily routine from feeling like a drag and to make sure I do a little something nice for myself on a regular basis.

Plus, playing with and adding to my makeup collection is just plain fun. I still look forward to receiving my Ipsy and BoxyCharm boxes every month, and I love trying all the neat things they pick out for me. I enjoy learning about new brands and supporting the ones I like the most. I love discovering new ways to wear favorite products and experiment with color as well.

5. Makeup helps me stay in touch with my creativity.

These days, I pour the great majority of my creative energy into my writing, but years ago, I was all about visual arts  -- painting, drawing, sketching, and digital collage especially. I loved playing with different colors and shapes, using them to bring all the wild ideas I had in my head to stunning life. There's only so much time and energy any one person has to spread around though, so the more I poured into my writing, the less I had left for other types of art.

I haven't drawn or painted in years, but experimenting with makeup seems to tap into that same aspect of my creativity. It's stimulating, relaxing, and rewarding in different ways from my writing. I don't think I realized how much I missed being visually creative until I got really into makeup, but it's definitely something I'm happy to be experiencing again. Not only do I get to be artistic again every day now, but I get to wear the art I create on my face all day long. It's fun, and it's empowering, both for me and for others who know just how far I've come over the past couple of years.

At the end of the day, we all need something that gets us out of our heads now and again in a way that's actually healthy. Makeup isn't the only way I do that these days, but it is among my favorites. Every life needs a little color in it to be complete, after all, and I'm endlessly grateful for the color makeup continues to bring to mine.