You Might Win Some, But you Just Lost One

“Now, now how come your talk turn cold, Gained the whole world for the price of your soul, Tryin' to grab hold of what you can't control, Now you're all floss, What a sight to behold, Wisdom is better than silver and gold...”

Lauryn Noelle Hill has always had a magic with the incomparable flow of her insightful lyrics that inspire one to look within and do some deep soul searching along their path of life. Influential in the early 90’s as a pioneer in the Neo Soul genre, Lauryn has broken numerous barriers for female rappers and inspired many a young girls, including myself, to embrace their natural beauty and ethnic values in a world that ultimately shuns them.

My first introduction to Lauryn was through the renowned film, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit starring another strong influential, groundbreaking black woman in the entertainment industry, Whoopi Goldberg, and from the moment I heard her voice, I had to hear more. My older brother was heavy into hip hop in the 90s and I recall hearing the lyrical sounds of Biggie, 2Pac, Rakim, and more coming from his bedroom. He was my first resource to hear more of her illustrious voice. He introduced me to a group called the Fugees which included members Pras and Wyclef and their hit at the time, Killing me Softly and from that point on I became a fan.

When her solo album The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was released in August 1998, I was ecstatic to hear more of her lyrical genius and amazing voice. The album went on to be known as the most acclaimed album of 1998 and one of the most groundbreaking albums of all time. One critic called it “an album of often-astonishing power, strength, and feeling”, as she effortlessly and vulnerably told the story of her life and relationships. At that time I was merely 12 years old, a tween who had yet to feel the conflicting nature of love and relationships, but I also had no idea the impact and connection the album would have later on in my adult life.

The songs that first captured my attention on the album were those that included what some would call, coded messages of life lessons, spirituality, and self-truth. From the first track Lost Ones, you can already tell the Lauryn had a story to tell and wisdom to spread to those who would listen:

“Now don't understand man universal law, What you throw out comes back to you, star

Never underestimate those who you scar, Cause karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard

You can't hold God people back that long, The chain of Satan wasn't made that strong

Trying to pretend like your word is your bond, But until you do right, All you do will go wrong

Now some might mistake this for just a simple song, And, some don't know what they have til it's gone

Now even when you're gone, you can still be reborn, And, from the night can arrive the sweet dawn

Now, some might listen, And some might shun, And some might think that they've reached perfection

If you look closely you'll see what you've become, Cause you might win some but you just lost one”

These lyrics inspired me deeply and even at a young age encouraged me to understand the dynamics of karma and the choice between good and evil. I held myself to the standard of being the good that the world needs and to always consider how my actions impact those around me and myself. It puts you in mind of the old school saying most of us were raised on, “Treat others as you would like to be treated”, which is essentially the essence of karma-put out good and good comes back to you, put out bad and it comes back to you”.

Doo-Wop (That Thing) was another track on the album loaded with inspirational and encouraging messages specifically targeted to young men and women in the ethnic community. In the song she encourages young women to embrace who they are naturally and to not be pressured to fit into societal beauty norms; “It's silly when girls sell their soul because it's in, look at where you be in hair weaves like Europeans, fake nails done by Koreans, Come again..” As for the young men, she encourages them to look at their actions and consequences that follow while also highlighting the pressure of society to be a “hard”; “The second verse is dedicated to the men, more concerned with his rims and his Timbs than his women, him and his men come in the club like hooligans, don't care who they offend popping yang like you got yen..”

Materialism, sexism, and self-respect are topics all covered in Doo Wop (That Thing) and Lauryn does an extraordinary job of relaying to the listener to look into themselves, their values and self-worth, and choices and consequences. The song became renowned as an anthem to look within and realize and recognize who you are, your worth, and how you portray yourself to the world. Undoubtedly I would say that this song touched so many young people across the world, including myself. I always struggled with trying to fit in and be like the “popular girls” and realized my struggle was not that I didn’t have what it took to fit in, but rather that I needed to accept myself, flaws and all, and fit into the mold of myself and who I was destined and purposed to be.

As I grew older, the tracks on the album revolving around love and relationships became more prominent and impactful in my life. From falling in love and being love-struck (Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You), to the conflicting nature of toxic relationships (Ex-Factor & When it Hurts So Bad), to breakups (I Used to Love Him), The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill became a musical script of my romantic life. The most profound moment where Lauryn’s music directly touched my life is one symmetric to her own life and decisions reflected in the song Zion.

In September of 2009 the Swine Flu Pandemic was heavily impacting the world causing the first global flu pandemic in roughly 40 years. During this time, I was a junior in college whose parents had prosperous expectations of their academically and intellectually gifted daughter. As a child I was diagnosed with Giftedness and soared to the top academically which in turn, filled my parents with many aspiring dreams of my success. It is without any hesitation to say their world was turned upside down when my suspected case of Swine Flu turned out to indeed be an unexpected pregnancy.

At that time I was expected to graduate college in the spring of 2010 with a degree in Communication Arts and then venture off to Los Angeles to attend FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising) to obtain a secondary degree in Visual Communications for my aspired career pathway as a Fashion Stylist. We had just visited the school in the spring of 2009 and had also coordinated an apprenticeship under a Celebrity Fashion Stylist so that I could obtain industry experience while earning my degree. My life was mapped out perfectly for my projected success in the fashion world as I had always had a passion and knack for fashion and style. However, those plans all came to a stalling halt upon the finding of the unplanned event of my child’s conception.

I found myself at a crossroads. At this time, my parents were unaware of my pregnancy. I was terrified of making the announcement to them as I knew they would be filled with utter disappointment. I knew then that I had two options; 1) get an abortion and go on with my plans in life and keep the peace with my parents, or 2) keep the baby, face my parents and their impending disappointment, and make a new plan. Due to the expectations of my family, my first option became my first choice. I researched and found a local abortion clinic and made an appointment. As I entered the clinic I was filled with dread and sorrow as I was still in disbelief this was all happening to me intertwined with my conscious berating me for choosing to end a life to avoid the consequences of my own choices. After all, I was an adult-22 years old and only a semester away from completing a Bachelor’s degree.

Abortion clinics required a waiting period after your initial appointment. So after my appointment with the nurse who explained how the procedure was done and alternatives to the procedure, I went outside to my car and immediately started crying. I turned on the car and on the radio I heard the strumming of a guitar to a familiar beat. It was a song that I had heard many times before but this time, the words really hit me; “Unsure of what the balance held, I touched my belly overwhelmed, By what I had been chosen to perform, But then an angel came one day, Told me to kneel down and pray, For unto me a man child would be born, Woe this crazy circumstance, I knew his life deserved a chance, But everybody told me to be smart, Look at your career they said, Lauryn, baby use your head, But instead I chose to use my heart, Now the joy, of my world, is in Zion...”

I left the parking lot and never came back for my 2nd appointment. Hearing Lauryn sing those words, knowing she had been through what I was going through at that exact moment, and the fact that the song came on the radio at the time it did, was a divine sign for what I should do. It provided me with the confidence, strength and relief in choosing option 2- to keep my child and make a new plan. That day, I chose to use my heart. Although I originally believed I would have a boy and would eponymously name him Zion, I had a beautiful baby girl whom I named Aria (meaning beautiful melody) Naome (meaning my joy) as accreditation to the beautiful melody of the song that ultimately saved her life. She was one of the two major accomplishments I had that third weekend in May 2010, as I attended my graduation ceremony and received my Bachelor’s degree on that Saturday, and then gave birth to her 24 hours later that Sunday.

Lauryn’s influence is in the music industry and in my life is undeniable. Her lyrical genius and inspiring messages that encourage and uplift people young and old resonate through the fibers of society of yesterday and today. Currently I work in the field of Human Services as a Youth Career Navigator and Mentor in a non-profit program where I inspire, guide and educate young people ages 18-24 who have been involved with the justice system to become their best self. As I empower my students to change their mindset to one focused on success, positivity, and becoming leaders in their future community, I can’t help but attribute my success in my work to the motivation and influence of Ms. Hill’s music in my life.

Her music inspired me to be uniquely me and to never let societal pressures influence my choices in life. Instead in a world full of sheep following the stream of the herd, I choose to take the opposing path, the path where I am uniquely different and making choices that provide a positive impact to the community and world I live in. Like Lauryn, I aspire that we all as a human race become aware and awakened to our genuine purpose in this world and use it to make it a better place. To shun the societal norms and the “in-crowd” mentality which renders us to become self-absorbed robots, and to rather become the enlightened, compassionate souls we were destined to be.

My decision was made the moment I laid ears on the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. As the track one says, “...you might win some, but you just lost one…”