Tracks To Cut Through The Noise

Punk rock calms me down. I have a mind that never wants to shut up. Sometimes the noise in my head gets too loud for any other type of music to drown out the sounds. I need songs that can make me stop thinking. I need singers who scream, so I don't have to. Give me music so chaotic that it overrides my thoughts. The right songs can take me to the other side of a dark mood. But first, they have to match my frenetic mind energy.

I Can't Get Over It

Getting over things isn't my style. I also don't like being told what to do. That's why positive thinking and happy songs won't work on me. They make me feel like someone's telling me to get over it.

The only way out for me is through. I always feel better about a situation once I write about it, but ignoring it never works. A similar thing happens with music and moods. When I listen to a song that grabs and externalizes a feeling, I'm able to move through it. And that's why the playlist I've made to center me clocks in at one hour and seven minutes.

Yes, it takes nineteen songs to get me to relax. I told you I have a high maintenance mind. This thing has to be long enough for the songs to work their spell through my body and brain and bring me to a place of calm. Or my version of it.

I've called this playlist Tracks To Cut Through The Noise because that's what these songs do for me.

Let's Get Loud

This is a playlist in two parts; one chill, one not, the high, and the comedown. It starts off fast and loud, angry and irreverent. Punk bands only. This is the raw feeling section stacked with unapologetic and demanding songs that won't accept the status quo or take anything lying down. It opens with "Nervous Breakdown" by Black Flag, going straight into "Suspect Device" by Stiff Little Fingers and "He Who Laughs Last" by AFI. "Nervous Breakdown" captures that feeling of being not okay. "Suspect Device," written about The Troubles in Northern Ireland, is a call to fight against injustice. "He Who Laughs Last" proclaims that no one gets to betray you and get away with it. These are the songs I need when I'm feeling hurt and powerless and off-center.

Side note: if you only know AFI from the height of the emo scene, give this song a listen because it's not what you're expecting.

Now, "Career Opportunities" by The Clash comes in to chill things down just a bit with more stripped-down pop sensibilities than the first tracks. Four tracks in, some of the acute anxiety and rage has subsided. It's not exactly a pop song, but The Clash are usually part of the more accessible side of punk rock. Still, the music possesses unpolished, challenging energy and rails against expectations and the status quo. And, as someone who graduated into the world of unpaid internships and increasing economic barriers, this song has always resonated with me and evoked a sense of generational frustration.

"Where Next Columbus" by Crass shows up next to bring the energy up again with fast drums and a challenge to think for yourself. This was one of the first punk songs I ever heard with a woman at the front. When I need to find my center, this song reminds me of my right to take up space and be myself.

I have to tell you, it's hard for me to write about these songs. All of the punk songs I've chosen have been getting me through my most challenging moments since high school. But I struggled to give myself permission to write about punk music. I guess I still remember all the times when boys basically demanded that I earn a Ph.D. in the history and discography of any punk band I said I liked. Even though women have always been part of the punk scene.

Okay, now that that's out of the way. Back to the music. After Crass, we move into "Institutionalized' by Suicidal Tendencies. I love the way this song makes me laugh while still making pointed digs at society. The playlist couldn't have opened with this song because it doesn't start off fast enough. But like I said, by now, the first tracks have brought down some of my anxiety. I'm ready to laugh at life. At least a little bit--between the yelling. And at this point in the playlist, I'm really into the song's slow start that builds and builds until it's just as fast as the earlier songs. That build-up reminds me of the way that things in life can pile on until you just want to explode.

After "Institutionalized," the punk women return with an acoustic version of "Dismantle Me" by The Distillers that works in conversation with the previous song. I've used an acoustic performance on this playlist to fit with "Institutionalized," which ends with the words, "it doesn't matter." This version of "Dismantle Me" picks up with Brody Dalle laughing and saying, "it doesn't matter." The songs on a playlist need to flow and these two stitched together perfectly. It's as if the singers are talking to one another. "Dismantle Me" stands apart from the other punk tracks with more overt vulnerability. Still, Brody Dalle brings power to it with her vocals. It's easy to forget that vulnerability isn't the same as weakness.

Time To Lighten Up

Following the acoustic interlude, X-Ray Spex comes in with wild power in "Oh Bondage! Up Yours!" The saxophone brings a playful element that makes me want to get up and dance. It has that irreverence I love about punk music. You can rage against injustice and have fun with it. The band's presence on this playlist is also a reminder that punk has never been solely the purview of white men. X-Ray Spex was fronted by lead singer Poly Styrene, a mixed-race woman. I already alluded to the ways punk is full of gate-keeping and treated as a boy's club. The song is a call to take up space and fight back against oppression. And that lesson helps bring me back to my center when I'm feeling lost.

By now, we've moved through the most raw moments. The worst of the mood is over, exorcised by loud voices and fast drums.

"Hanging on the Telephone" by Blondie comes in as the bridge beyond punk. It earned its place here because Blondie's stripped-down-but-melodic style and history playing at CBGB made it the perfect connector between the first and second half of the playlist. I also love that singer Debbie Harry owns her femininity. And this song still has the fast, rebel energy and a punk rock assertiveness like the songs ahead of it on the list. It's just a bit more pop.

Really Feeling Better

We've made it through the first half, and at this point in the playlist, I'm feeling more at ease. My energy is still up, but I'm no longer going to burst out of my skin.

Now we have some room for quiet introspection and more movement among rock genres. We can bring the tempo down. No one wants to stay in the same place all the time. Meditation is a journey. So is a playlist. So a meditative playlist should be a journey.

This side kicks off with my favorite Talking Heads song, "The Book I Read." It's got to be a writer's fantasy track. What writer wouldn't want someone to come up to them and confess, "I'm embarrassed to admit it hit the soft spot in my heart when I found out you wrote the book I read," right? The music is playful and fun and perfect for driving with the windows down. It makes me feel like everything's going to be okay.

"Typical Girls" by The Slits sneaks in right afterward, playing with societal expectations on women. It makes me feel fine about all the ways I fall short of things women are "supposed" to be good at (like, you should see my handwriting). Also, I'm here for the reggae influences and how Ari Up plays with her vocals.

"Hard Times" by Paramore follows The Slits. At first, this one feels like pure dance cotton candy and stands far away from the energy of a song like "Where Next Columbus." But, just like in Black Flag's "Nervous Breakdown," the lyrics center on feeling trapped in a vicious cycle. The song's upbeat sound mixed with lyrics about struggling tell me it's okay to admit when I'm having a hard time and there are ways to find joy even in the worst times. It's a totally different approach than the in-your-face abrasiveness of "Nervous Breakdown."

Is That Hope?

"Break Up The Family" by Morrissey comes next. I know it's hard to believe that Morrissey finds himself situated in the more cheerful section of my playlist. His lyrics just have this way of validating my pain and frustration while also making me laugh (echoing that Suicidal Tendencies effect). In this song, the lines "I'm so glad to grow older/ To move away from those younger years" bring out a sense of hope in me. If you had a hard childhood and adolescence, you want to feel like life gets better, not like you already lost your best years.

After "Break Up The Family," the playlist continues growing into this feeling of hope and new beginnings with "Just Like Honey" by The Jesus and Mary Chain. This song transports me. The music makes me imagine I am stepping outside into a bustling city, ready to start a new life. And unlike with the Morrissey song, the effect has very little to do with the lyrics. It's all in the distortion and feedback and vocals. Something about these sounds all works together to create a sense of optimism. It builds on the hope I caught from Morrissey (have those words ever been uttered before?).

Introspection and Dreamscapes

Now, I'm riding a little high after "Just Like Honey." I need to cool things down a little bit and move into some introspection with "Swingin Party" by The Replacements.

Here, I've gotten to a place where it feels safe to think. Like my mind isn't so scary. The song reflects on what it feels like to be on display and have all your mistakes front and center. It's also a song about failing together. Like things can go wrong, but you're not alone in that. There are also quiet, retro influences and a dream-like quality to the music that's able to soothe me now that my high-strung energy has been scrubbed out.

The playlist starts winding down like the end of a long day as I slip from "Swingin Party" into "We Only Come Out At Night" by the Smashing Pumpkins. As a night-owl in a world made for early-risers, this song makes me feel like I've found my people. Really, I guess most of the songs I've chosen through this playlist are some kind of case in favor of the things about myself that I've always been told I should change. This one is no exception. It just makes its demands in a whisper instead of a shout. For me, this is a song of self-acceptance. This is where I can sit back and relax, realizing I'm okay as I am.

Rinse/Repeat

The last three songs on my playlist catch and hold a hopeful feeling. Everything's gonna be alright.

At this point in my meditative playlist, I've found a fresh beginning and selected songs that are new to me to bring the point home for that chaotic mind of mine. I've rinsed out my worst emotions and tapped into feelings of peace and relaxation. These songs are the long exhale after I've fought my way through the dark.

"So Destroyed (Channeling Rage Peace)" by Prince Rama brings in an abstract psychedelic beach vibe that's complemented by the moment of optimism in "Someday" by The Growlers. We get to the end of the playlist with "Loud Like Love" by Placebo. This isn't even my favorite Placebo song, but it has these major chords and this arena rock positivity that cements the feeling I've reached once I've worked through all my stress and anxiety and found the flow state I covet.

This Is Meditation

Meditation isn't about stopping your thoughts. It's about observing them. All of the songs on this playlist are an integral part of the journey. In yoga, I've been reminded to breathe through the discomfort. That's what this playlist does. There's nothing it shies away from. It takes each lyric and every beat to bring me from a place of emotional chaos into ease and acceptance.

I did warn you that the only way out is through.

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Track List:

1. Nervous Breakdown - Black Flag
2. Suspect Device - Stiff Little Fingers
3. He Who Laughs Last - AFI
4. Career Opportunities - The Clash
5. Where Next Columbus - Crass
6. Institutionalized - Suicidal Tendencies
7. Dismantle Me - Acoustic - The Distillers
8. Oh Bondage! Up Yours! - X-Ray Spex
9. Hanging On The Telephone - Blondie
10. The Book I Read - Talking Heads
11. Typical Girls - The Slits
12. Hard Times - Paramore
13. Break Up The Family - Morrissey
14. Just Like Honey - The Jesus & Mary Chain
15. Swingin Party - The Replacements
16. We Only Come Out At Night - The Smashing Pumpkins
17. So Destroyed (channeling Rage Peace) - Prince Rama
18. Someday - The Growlers
19. Loud Like Love - Placebo