The Cheesy Songs We're All Ashamed We Love

Are you a rocker? Maybe you’re into angst-ridden music— Radiohead, Bjork perhaps? You could be a folkie or prefer indie rock. A bit of Beethoven or Rachmaninoff? Modern R&B anyone?

Whatever genre you like, sometimes a tacky catchy tune comes along that is completely out of your style and worse, it's incredibly cheesy.

It’s time to come clean.

Lightning Strikes — Lou Christie, 1966

It's commonly thought that this song is called Lightning Striking Again and was recorded by Frankie Valli. Instead, it has a title that doesn’t appear in the lyrics and was written and sung by American singer-songwriter Lou Christie.

Usually, men singing falsetto sounds like fingernails scratching down window panes mixed with severe tooth pain. However, Christie employed his falsetto on the chorus only and it works by providing a dramatic effect. Who’d have thought?

Listen to guilty secret 1 - Lightning Strikes by Lou Christie

If You Can’t Give Me Love — Suzie Quatro, 1978

Suzie Quatro is a Detroit born singer-songwriter who found far more success in The UK, Europe and Australia than in her home country.

Quatro was spotted by English producer and record label owner Mickie Most. Quatro was packaged up with a band chosen by Most and although she was a songwriter, her major hits, including this one, were written by Most's team of Nicky Chinn and Mike Chapman.

There is more than a feel of production line pop here but who cares?

Listen to guilty secret 2 - If You Can't Give Me Love by Suzie Quatro

See My Baby Jive — Wizzard, 1973

The song was written and produced by Roy Wood, originally of the Move and then ELO before reportedly falling out with Jeff Lynne and leaving to form Wizzard. Wizzard were glam rock on steroids.

The song was a huge hit pretty much everywhere, except in the USA and Mongolia.

I don’t have the faintest idea what is going on except there’s a wall of sound, a great key change for the chorus and it all sounds like loads of fun. We like fun.

Listen to guilty secret 3 — See My Baby Jive by Wizzard

The Legend of Xanadu — Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch, 1968

Dave Dee and the boys were an English pop/rock/beat band of the 1960s. The band name was the names and nicknames of the members.

They had several big hits in the UK, Europe and British Commonwealth countries although, unlike many of their contemporaries, they never made in the USA. They wore flashy stage wear and had a zany act that probably didn’t translate well in America. Or Mongolia.

The Legend of Xanadu charted around the world except for the USA (and Mongolia) where it peaked at 128. The song was typical of their style — loud and flamboyant with whips cracking, trumpets blaring and a Spanish guitar riff kicking it all off for some inexplicable reason.

It’s totally bonkers.

Listen to guilty secret 4 — The Legend of Xanadu by Dave Dee et al.

Love Changes Everything — Climie Fisher, 1987

Simon Climie and Rob Fisher were session musicians and songwriters who wrote Love Changes Everything for Rod Stewart. He turned it down so they recorded it themselves; it became a massive hit around the world.

Simon Climie sang the song in a style that was not a million miles away from Rod Stewart’s. If Simon Climie’s career ever flops he could always come back as a Rod tribute act.

Listen to guilty secret 5 — Love Changes Everything by Climie Fisher

So You Win Again — Hot Chocolate, 1977

Hot Chocolate was another band produced by pop mogul, Mickie Most. They became a major success in the UK during the ’70s, riding on the popular camp disco wave of the time. This was exactly the sort of music and style a serious rock connoisseur should dislike. Elvis Costello, The Clash, Springsteen, Thin Lizzy: that was more like it.

The trouble is, that wasn’t entirely true. My excuse? It was one of their few songs not written by Hot Chocolate but by highly regarded singer-songwriter Russ Ballard.

Don’t tell anyone I liked a Hot Chocolate song, I have an image to keep up.

Listen to guilty secret 6 — So You Win Again by Hot Chocolate

Lost in France — Bonnie Tyler, 1977

The Jam and the Clash burst onto the UK music scene in 1977 sweeping away the light-weight complacency of the music scene. The country was rocking again.

Also bursting on the UK music scene, sort of, was Bonnie Tyler, a singer from Wales with a Farah Fawcett-Majors hairstyle and girl-next-door look. Her second single and global hit, Lost In France, was a soft country and western-style song that came with a profound ‘ooh la la la I’m dancing’ chorus. Hardly In The City or White Riot.

When I bought the 45 at the record store, I made sure there was no one around who knew me. I think I wore a disguise.

Tyler went on to even greater success with Holding Out For A Hero, Total Eclipse of the Heart and It’s A Heartache but it all started with Lost In France. Sometimes you’ve just got to go with the flow. And wear a disguise.

Listen to guilty secret 7 — Lost in France by Bonnie Tyler

She’s The One — Robbie Williams, 1997

Robbie Williams was a dancer and backing singer from a fabricated boy band marketed at teenage girls. Anathema to a music aficionado like me.

Then a song came out that caught my ear: She’s The One. But wait. Oh no. It can’t be? Horror, it is! It’s by Robbie Williams, that useless dancer from the made-up boy band.

I really do have a good excuse this time. She’s the One was written and first recorded by Kurt Wallinger of World Party, a pop/rock outfit respectable to music aficionados like me. Wallinger didn’t have a hit with the song but Williams, using members of World Party on the recording, made an almost identical version which shot to number one around the world.

But Robbie Williams? Really?

Listen to guilty secret 8 — She's The One by Robbie Williams

Underneath Your Clothes — Shakira, 2002

Shakira warbles a bit and this song has more than a passing resemblance to Eternal Flame by the Bangles and Penny Lane by the Beatles but I guess that’s what we liked about it.

I can think of no other reason for loving this one and it is what it is. A guilty pleasure.

Listen to guilty secret 9 — Underneath Your Clothes by Shakira

Heaven is a Place on Earth — Belinda Carlise, 1987

A major hit all around the world so I can’t be completely mad. That said, Mr Blobby and The Teletubbies were also number ones so I probably can’t use that excuse.

Big hair, big production and a massive chorus; this song is classic ’80s music wrapped up in one piece of four-minute perfect pop. Complete over the top nonsense but wonderfully uplifting. If I ever danced, it would be to this one.

Listen to guilty secret 10 — Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlise

We all have Guilty Secrets

Come on, admit it. You have some songs you wouldn’t tell your best friend about.