Beat logo

The broken playlist

Remember...Forget....Relapse...Repeat

By Nuwan PanditaratnePublished 3 years ago 6 min read
4
Keep holding on....there is always next Valentine's Day

Have you ever ended a relationship and were confused with how you felt about it? The most comparable feeling I could think of is taking off a weighted vest. There is a very obvious feeling that something that used to be there is not there anymore. Over time there will be waves of pain that set in that you need to power through, but the weight that was there put a strain on you as well. Not having it on is a relief, but as soon as that pain goes away, you're ready to put the vest on again. (Maybe a new heavier vest that doesn't mind when you work so many hours or cheats on you when you're out with clients)

I think the most important thing is to remember is that anything you feel is entirely yours and no one should tell you how you should feel. You don't need to "get better" on anyone else's clock and being alone or even a little broken is fine if that's what works for you. I usually drown myself in work and put anything I'm feeling in a box in my head that I treat like a junk drawer. I know I kept all of these things in the box because they were important, but looking at them again after I've let some time pass makes me realize that I don't need any of it. I may not throw out the contents of the box, but everything is less and less meaningful the more I let time pass.

Anyway...

If you're reading this and you're single or pining or just looking to relate to someone who's had a similar experience with scattered feelings about the place you're in, here's my "broken" playlist of songs that I love that describe all the feelings I put in my mind's junk drawer. Some of these songs bring me back to remembering how I felt at the time and some remind me of what I want to feel. There's even some I like to close my eyes to and say

"It's ok. This isn't who you are anymore. Remember and appreciate how much better you are now."

(My top 10 in no particular order)

Elvis Ain't Dead - Scouting For Girls

One thing you'll learn about my taste in music in general is that I love very sad lyrics put over very cheery melodies. I think one of the saddest lyrics I've ever heard was "Elvis ain't dead and you're coming back". The little lies you tell yourself to help you sleep at night are all you need sometimes to get you to the next day. When you're finally sleeping like a baby with the new love of your life or if you're not sleeping at all because you're "celebrating" on Valentine's day, maybe you won't remember the sad lyrics but the cheery melody will put a smile on your face.

Mess- Lil Wayne

This song isn't really about being in or out of love but it's about rolling with the punches and pressing forward. When I'm very stressed out about anything, I'll put this song on, close my eyes, and take a few deep breaths and try to let it go.

Lover in the Snow - Rivers Cuomo

I encourage you all to replace songs on this list with songs that remind you of moments in your life during the post-breakup slump. I found this song in high school after breaking up with my first serious girlfriend. It didn't have much to do with the relationship during or otherwise, but it's about a guy looking at his past moving on without him. I know "misery loves company" is a little cliché but it's always a relief to know you're not the only one who feels how you do.

Habits (Stay High) - Tove Lo

This is probably the best break-up song I've ever heard. Replace all the "Habits" in this song with anything you do after a break-up to distract yourself from how you feel and it perfectly describes the struggle we can have in moving on. I mainly work until I can't keep my eyes open anymore and watch the same 5 feel good movies over and over again.

Love Yourself - Justin Bieber

Break ups are rarely one sided and even if you didn't do anything wrong, sometimes two people aren't meant to be together. Here's a song about replaying a relationship and thinking about all the times you felt inadequate because your significant other wasn't happy. Remind yourself that the next person you give a chance to may cherish all those things about you. Did Goldilocks stop eating porridge when the bowl was too hot? Absolutely not! She found a bowl that was just right for her. (For the metaphor, let's ignore the fact that she broke into someone's house and was likely eaten for staying at the scene of the crime.)

Someone Else - Miley Cyrus

"If you're looking for love, know that love doesn't live here anymore." It's my natural response to turn off trying to care about anything so I can move on with my life. It rarely works out that way and my friends and loved ones bring back all the joy I lost. Sometimes turning it all off is exactly what you need for the moment, but don't let forgetting about the bad keep you from all the good.

Green Light - Lorde

This song is about being utterly destroyed and trying to fake being ok until you actually are. It's hard and it could be the hardest thing you'll ever experience, but the path forward requires the first step. Sometimes the road takes you nowhere, but how will you know if you don't give it a shot?

Deuces - Chris Brown

Here's where the fun comes in. Anger is probably the most cathartic part of a break up. When you're able to feel anything, being angry is a good sign you're ready to "move on to something better." Don't let it consume you, but let it drive you to want better for yourself.

Beware - Big Sean ft. Lil Wayne, Jhene Aiko

Sometimes there is nothing you have done to end a relationship and there are other times you are most responsible for your own suffering. This isn't the end of the world, but it should be a lesson in the consequences of your actions. Remember the loss you feel now and remember you could be responsible for another one of these broken playlists. Hold yourself accountable and learn from the mistakes you've made.

Stone Cold - Demi Lovato

Last but not least, we have Stone Cold. This song is on the list for two reasons. For starters, Demi Lovato's voice is hauntingly beautiful and it helps me fall asleep. (Stay tuned for the fall asleep playlist!) Secondly, if you haven't moved on yet and the loss you feel just won't fit into a junk box that you can ignore, you'll still be ok. Love is the best thing we do, and real love can't easily be forgotten. I think what we feel in these cases is important enough that we can carry the burden of it everywhere we go. It makes everything we do to move forward a little harder, but the people we are on the other side are much more resilient.

Here's to hoping we're all ok with or without the weight on our shoulders. If it helps, the picture at the top of this playlist is of me on my wedding day, the best day of my life. One day you may find yourself broken and the next it can all just be gone.

Happy Valentines Day

playlist
4

About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.