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Thankful Through It All

by KevyK

By KevyKPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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All alone in a room full of people. You might wonder how on earth is that even possible but it is something I feel a lot of people my age have felt and even people of all ages feel. Everybody can be praising you for something that you have done but if you aren't truly satisfied with what you have done or are doing are you truly going to be feeling good. I am a 17 year old young man with so many aspirations that sometimes I feel that maybe I am setting expectations that are not even realistic for anyone. You see I make music and have been making songs since my 8th grade year in middle school. I have released over 30 songs on all platforms and have a total of over 100,000 streams. Now for my age and what I have done it seems like I am off to a great start and while I am writing this right now I am realizing that dang, life is going not as bad as it feels at some times. It takes this reflection time of writing for me to realize this though. Ever since I was young I always have had this problem with worrying about the future and ever since I have been doing music it has totally taken me over. I get this anxiety with my songs when I finish making them or when I release them because I am trying to appeal to a fan base that is growing but is all over the place. You see every song I make is different and I am still developing my sound so I have no idea what people are gonna like or not.

That anxiety went from coming with my music to following me in everything I do in life. I play on the varsity basketball team at my school and before every practice or game or even just a team meeting I have these panic attacks and it is the scariest thing ever. I went 2 weeks straight of throwing up before every event because I would get so anxious and nervous that my body would just freak out and go crazy.

Now I am not writing this for sympathy or for you to feel bad and give money because that is not what will fix this. You know by talking to my peers and teammates at school I realize as bad as this seems I realize that other people are going through things just as bad or even worse. I am blessed with two great parents who are truly invested in my dreams and honestly believe I will be a big artist one day and they help pay for promotion and studio time and it is such a blessing. My anxiety and anxiousness take over my mind sometimes but there is one thing it will never take away from me. It is the love and support I receive when people do listen and enjoy my music. Every day I get at least one kid in middle schools across my city saying I am an inspiration because of my music and how happy I look on social media and how it helps them get through there day. I also get a hate comment every day saying how I should quit making music and telling me to kill myself.

My emotions go all over the place throughout the day but whenever it gets hard or tough I just think you know maybe there is a kid going through this same thing I am and me going through it and still dropping music and talking about it will push him to get through it and that there is hope. Believe it or not people look up to you no matter who you are and wish they had something you have or wish they didn't go through something they know you don't go through and that's just life. We are all different and that is what makes each one of us unique. I think the moment we open up about the things we go through and just talk about it then we will truly be thankful for what we have.

humanity
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