River's Special Interest Playlist

I am not quiet about being neurodivergent, specifically I am autistic and adhd. As well as various other labels that various doctors have put on me throughout my years of trying to understand myself.

When I was told I was autistic (and later adhd) a lot of things fell into place for me. Behaviors that were written off as weird or lazy or "bitchy" (which led to misdiagnosis, but that is a story for another time) were actually pretty common traits for AFAB folks who are autistic.

I have started the journey of unmasking, and boy is it hard. However this piece is not about struggles it is in fact about special interests and the beauty of autistic joy. I'm not sure about publishing this in confessions or beat, most of the stuff I'm going to talk about is music.

One of the things I do is I tend to watch, listen to, and consume the same media over and over and over again. I am also a well of facts about reptiles, rat breeding, the whole history of photography, sea slugs, autism, gender politics, regular politics, Doctor Who, The Inheritance Cycle and oddly, and slightly off brand The Vampire Diaries. There's more but I think you get the gist. Once I get a little into something there's not really a slow down and go at a normal pace. I consume everything.

The hardest thing about neurodivergence, especially autism is emotional regulation and sensory overload. So I tend to gravitate towards watching the same videos, tv shows, listening to the same books over and over again, I even tend to eat the same foods and I definitely have about three different outfits. I know what's going to happen, the videos bring me joy and calm me down.

So without further ado, here is Rivers comfort video playlist. Most of it is music. Not all of it might be comforting to everyone, but I've got something to say about all of them.

The first thing I'm going to shout out before even touching on music is the Inheritance Cycle. Hell Paolini is the one that brought me to Vocal. I have fallen asleep to one of the Eragon books for many a year. I know those books like the back of my hand. It is my bedtimes story.

I think one of the first videos that completely captivated me was that of Sarah Horne getting on stage with Kristen Chenoweth. Now Chenoweth does do this at all of her shows, picks an audience member to sing "For Good" with her. From the moment Sarah says she's a vocal coach, to the conductor straight up stopping and turning around when she starts singing all the way to "that voice is teaching our children". The whole video is full of joy. On a sad day or a happy day. This one always puts a smile on my face.

I'm not sure if Dimash is in the general music conversation, I was apparently way late to the Dimash party. I'm going to post two videos for him. One of his performance, and one of who I think is the best vocal coach on YouTube explaining what is happening vocally. It is incredible, but after understanding a bit more what he's doing I have a whole different perspective on his brilliance. Also, if you're on YouTube and someone brilliantly explaining vocal technique is your speed I highly recommend Lolli Wren at the Fairy Voice Mother.

We cannot talk watching someone experience pure joy on stage without talking about Susan Boyle. I have watched this audition countless times (also watching an autistic woman be so badass is inspiring even years later). She changed the way people thought about who could have talent and who didn't. She walked out on stage to a rough rude audience, and won them over on the first note.

I've got three "Got Talent" moments that bring me a lot of joy. Loren Allerd coming out and doing "Never Enough" after not being recognized as the person who sang that song in "The Greatest Showman" was a completely magical

One more "Got Talent" audition that not only is one I can watch over and over again, but it sent me on a deep dive that changed the way I see the world just a little bit. Jane Marczewki aka Nightbirde was a contestant who auditioned while she was dying of cancer. The video of her audition just radiates joy, and the more I learned about her the more impressed I was. Yes, it is sad, but it's also unbelievably beautiful.

"You don't have to wait until life isn't hard anymore for you to choose to be happy"

-Nightbirde

Another thing I'm a little obsessed with is acapella. One of those bands is Voiceplay. They are 99% fun. They also have a dude that's got a range to at least impress Dimash. I'm going to include the analysis in with this one too just because, well it's fun and we're on a trip through my comfort media brain. Understanding what's happening adds to the comfort. I don't make the rules my brain does.

Brandi Carlile is one of my favorites, she is an unbelievable performer, what seems like a kind person, and she tends to bring people together. The two performances by her that I tend to watch on repeat are the SNL performance of "The Story" and the Grammy performance of "The Joke". She's magic. There's not much else to say.

Bouncing off of Brandi, there's Joni at Newport, which is finally out now so I'm going to put a few of my favorites. Joni is special, she's one of the greatest songwriters of all time. Her early performances were perfect. However her Newport performance was legendary.

I couldn't talk about comfort without shouting out to my close friend Carolann. While I don't find myself rewatching YouTube videos (because very rarely can it touch a live performance), I do find myself seeing her play as often as possible, because she's great.

Then, my favorite band Delta Rae. The videos I chose for this are a little odd, and I will include one that isn't with the children's choir, but the PS-22 version is the most fun versions and it's the one I turn to.

Finally, there's Hi Ren. I've watched the video a lot. I've watched the breakdowns a lot. Rens a genius. It's a very different vibe from the rest of these videos, but I think showing comfort shows/videos/media does not always have to be happy uplifting stuff (though I'd argue this one ends on a high note).

I don't really get to choose what special interest picks me or what thing is going to be comforting to me. I've learned that regulation does tend to involve headphones and a comforting book. It involves spending more time alone than most people, it involves realizing when I need to step away. Unmasking will be a lifelong process for me, because masking was a lifelong thing for me until fairly recently.

These videos bring me lots of joy, so much so in fact I could probably describe to you the very minute details of many of them.

Anyway neurodivergent or not do you have videos, art, books, media etc that you will never tire of watching?