My Own Hero

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IA3ZvCkRkQ

I remember hearing Mariah Carey’s song “Hero” when I was 10 years old. The song resonated with me so deeply that I over played it on my cassette player, pausing and rewinding as I wrote down the lyrics to memorize them. I did not know that my attraction to her song then, would someday save my life and from tragedy would come a new inspired life purpose. Over the last few months I realized that in order to get through this really difficult time in my life, I had to finally be my own hero. I had always counted on other but my knight in shinning armor was out of commission sleeping through his depression while I was going through some darkness on my own while trying to parent 2 children, maintain a job and relationships and live up to society expectation. Everything that felt safe and secure before had been destroyed and the darkness kept creeping in. I sat frozen in time, unsure what to do about any of it. I wanted to give up. I thought about all my demons. Addiction, unstable mental health, money, friends and family problems and I asked myself, “How can I go on living? What right did I have to happiness”? From what seemed to be out of nowhere, the first verse of “Hero” began to play. “There's a hero if you look inside your heart, you don't have to be afraid of what you are. And there's an answer, if you reach into your soul, and the sorrow that you know will melt away.” My heart swelled. I sat up taller as the smile on my face lit up my room. I felt lighter than I had in months. “I am my own hero. I can save myself but how?” I asked my higher self-eager to know. The chorus plays stronger in my ear. “And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on. And you cast your fears aside, and you know you can survive. So, when you feel like hope is gone, just look inside you and be strong. And you'll finally see the truth, that a hero lies in you.” “Okay, I get it!” I declared, “I can save myself and I have to have strength and courage, but what do I do with it?” I hung my head in shame and embarrassment as I remembered that no one knew the pain I was feeling from hiding theses secrets and that the people I did tell, rejected me. “What should I do?” I cried out loud. Mariah Carey belts verse 2 in my mind. “It's a long road, when you face the world alone; No one reaches out a hand for you to hold... You can find love if you search within yourself and then the emptiness you felt will disappear.” Right then and there I take out my phone and confess all of my pain and secrets in a video and post it on my social media. I confess it all! I am floored by the response. People reach out to show support, ask how they can help or simply thank me for being brave, as they have been struggling too. I begin to connect online with people today and feel myself come alive as the chorus plays in my heart and then I remember the bridge: “Lord knows dreams are hard to follow, But don't let anyone tear them away. Just hold on, and there will be tomorrow, and in time you'll find the way.” I remember who I am in that moment. The dreams I had. How strong I am. I remember how to look inside myself and be brave, how to free myself from the pain and be my own hero. I remember that I am not the only person that feels this way and I begin to help others find their own hero and speak their truth. This song helped me through hard times when I was 10 years old and even harder times almost 30 years later. Let’s all try to remember we are own Hero’s but we don’t have to do it alone. KimPossible XXOO