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Music is my food of love

by ASHLEY SMITH 2 years ago in humanity
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after my fiance obviously

What keeps me going through the trials and tribulations of my turbulent life?

My fiancé primarily but after that its always music. While writing this there is loud heavy metal in my ears, when i did my nvq qualification the same and pretty much anytime I need a break from the world. The music is rarely calm or relaxing but it always helps me. In fact my streaming service has taken note of what i listen to and has created a playlist it self . It rotates the bands I choose to stream and is playing random tracks.

Usually the listening phase would be complimented by occasional concerts but that's obviously not happening at the moment. I had 3 concerts booked this year and would have probably added more but it cant be helped. My concerts are raucous, hot and look occasionally violent but again this is where i lose myself. In fact when I was a little younger I would be in the middle of the seething masses by the stage and you had to focus on yourself.

I have had a few injuries and have a few scars but that's part of the thrill, being among like minded people. We are all burning off steam and ridding ourselves of our worries for a few hours. You leave the gig sweating, exhausted and slightly deaf but hearing the music first hand is nearly always worth it. Only one a and e visit directly after a show so far plus one visit to the first aid people.

This will sound strange to many and scares my fiancé but she knows i need the escape and the adrenaline occasionally. I tell her I now stand back a bit but not sure she always believes me. I always look for gigs to book and then plan time off work and transport. It helps build the anticipation.

I have been going to metal concerts for around 32 years and will stop only when it becomes physically impossible. I will also stream live albums and watch concerts on tv for my fix. For my 4 hour drive on holiday this week it will also be time for music to keep me company, especially when my girlfriend nods off.

After too long not doing it i joined a gym last year, weight loss and fitness being the plan. Also have back problems and need to work around this, hoping it helps with the regular pain by strengthen around the problem area. Guess what, yep all done to a music background. Even got the wireless headphones so don't get tangled in the wires as I try to lift or push something. One trick used to be choose an album and work till it finished, giving me a decent timescale while listening to something good. On the plus side i get fit and don't notice the time, on the minus side if I start listening to an album with extra tracks i didn't know of I end up even more knackered.

My job didn't stop with lockdown, i am a front line carer. I didn't do as many did and dedicate time to box sets and tv streaming, mostly it was even more music. I have watched 5 films and 3 box sets in nearly 4 months, but I have found innumerable bands I hadn't listened to before or hadn't hear of. If you ask your streaming service for a genre of music rather then a specific band you can find new things very easily. Though as I write that line the song in my ears is over 30 years old.

When its not music is often podcasts, perhaps its just i prefer to be able to do other things and not to be forced to stare at a screen so don't miss anything. I retain control of me and lose just my ears for a while. And on that NOTE I will end.


About the author


England based carer, live with girlfriend. will write for all areas but especially mental health and disability. though as stuff for filthy seems popular will try there too

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