Lyrics of a Someday Love

I thought we talked about this.

You can't fall in love with every guy you meet.

Not every guy is your soul mate waiting around the corner.

Cupid must be having a field day with you.

Don't come crying back to me when you get your heart broken again.

I get it. You're a romantic. But really? That guy didn't ask for your phone number, yet you took out your pen and scrawled it across his palm. Not cool.

You have a long and sordid history, I know. But love will come when it comes. Okay?

I mean, you've already done this a thousand times already...

When you walk away

You don't hear me say,

"Please, oh baby, don't go."

Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go

-Simple and Clean by Hikaru Utada

Hey.

Don't give me that look.

I can tell you've been crying again.

Over him? Why? (Why him of all people?)

(I want to ask what you see in him—he's not even that good-looking—but what do I know about anything? I've never understood your taste in men.)

(But, really, all I want to do is reach out and wipe away those betraying tears. He doesn't deserve them.)

I get it. You thought he was "The One." (Just like the other guy before him—and the one before him.)

Shh, shh, it's okay.

I'm here.

I'm slippin' down a chain reaction

And here I go here I go here I go go

And once again I'm yours in fractions

It takes me down pulls me down pulls me down low

-I Want You To Know by Zedd ft. Selena Gomez

You watch him, and I watch you.

It's been like that for a long time, even though the guy shifts in and out of place, the revolving door of suitors who are never good enough for you.

(I wonder if you'll ever notice the way I look at you.)

A laugh slips out of your mouth, and I can see how you soften. You're a flower curving to his attention and basking in his light.

(It makes my blood boil to see.)

If this were a stage and you were a performer, you'd be singing a ballad that you were his to keep. But he'd take that to mean you were his to take and use and discard. I've seen it before. They're all the same.

(I want to think I'm different. And I want to believe I'd treat you different. I want to test out my theory and make you a true believer.)

But you're his one-person show and I'm in the audience, just an observer, waiting for the moment when he breaks your heart.

And then you'll look back at me with tears in your eyes.

And then we'll start all over again.

I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh

I'm right over here, why can't you see me? Oh

-Dancing On My Own by Robyn

Here we are again.

This time it's the guy next door to your apartment. You say he's always there to help you out. He's your lifesaver, you say, as stars gleam in your eyes.

(And what do I do? Tell me that.)

I've seen you trip over your feet for guys—and it's not endearing, no matter what you think—but I'm not any better. I keep looking your way and hope you'll fall into my arms one day.

(I know. Jealousy's not a good look.)

But the clincher—your tell-tale curse—comes soon enough: he already has a girlfriend.

You don't cry about it, not this time, but I see the way your eyes glaze over when you watch a video of them on social media.

(I want to snatch your phone away. It does you more harm than good.)

When you move out of that apartment early, I see him hug you goodbye. And I see the way you falter. Any other time, the words might spill out of your lips.

But you leave it. You leave him. And I'm proud of you.

But I'm also relieved for myself.

I held every inch of you

I wrote every line for you

I made time when time was all but gone

You're the love I've always known

-Build Me Up From Bones by Sarah Jarosz

I can tell when there's a new guy because you rush to your notebook like you're possessed.

You write about them, each one, like you're keeping a log for future use.

I want to tell you it's pointless—what do you think writing about them will do exactly?—but I watch your tongue peek out between your scrunched lips as you jot down notes about your latest crush.

(What would you write about me? I wish I knew. Would you even let me see?)

But when I ask the damning words—"Who is it this time?"—your blush tells me something different. Something new.

And you avoid my eyes for the first time.

Huh.

I'll have to investigate that.

But maybe it's the worst in me

That's bringing out the worst in you

I know we could fix these kinks

But the worst in me doesn't want to

Work on things

But the best in me wants to love you

But the worst in me doesn't want to

-Worst In Me by Julia Michaels

Our classes this semester almost make us strangers to each other.

I text you, and you almost never answer.

And soon enough I stop altogether.

It's not like flipping a switch. It's like trying to stop a tidal wave.

But I'm sick of following after you like a puppy. I'm getting too old for this kind of crap.

It's slow, tentative, but I start to ask other girls out. They are bubbly, fun, vivacious, hilarious, beautiful—a whole universe of adjectives.

But they're not you.

When I finally see you at a party, you wave half-heartedly. Some guy has his arm looped around your shoulder. You lean into him as if he's supporting you.

(I wanted to hold you up, but I wanted you to be able to stand on your own too.)

But right before I leave with the other guys, you catch up to me. Your eyes gleam in the dark, and I almost don't recognize you because you've never looked at me that way before.

That look's always been reserved for someone else.

"Let's talk," you say.

And I decide to listen.

'Cause it's there or it's not

It's heartbreak or it's love

There's no such thing as halfway

-Halfway by James Blunt

I could be like the other guys.

I could take your hand and smile at you and make you think it'll be forever.

But I'm not a liar. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I'm not going to pretend I'll feel the same way next week or a year from now when I don't even know what I'll be eating for breakfast tomorrow morning.

What I can tell you is that I am here now.

And I'm willing to give you my all in this moment.

That's my truth.

Take it or leave it.

I think you'll walk away—it's hardly a romantic confession—but your hand finds mine in the dark.

Then you look up at me, and—finally—you're seeing me.

It was never a competition, but I do feel like I've won something.

(I know. You're not a possession. I'm not that guy, really.)

And your smile is finally just for me alone in this moment.

I know.

You wanted a storybook ending.

But I can't give you that.

Maybe we'll last a few months, a year, a decade—it's so hard to say—but life is not that movie you'd love to watch again and again.

Maybe that's a tragedy to you, but I'm happy for the moments I get to know we're together the way I always wanted us to be.

I can give you a narrative. Let's say we get married—someday. Let's say we settle down in the suburbs somewhere. (I know. You wanted to live in Venice. Bear with me. That'll have to wait for retirement.) Let's say we have a kid or two. Anything could happen.

But let's say the worst happens. Let's say I die young—or for some reason we're exiled to separate spheres of the earth.

What I don't want is for you to give up on life.

Sure, you may think it's terribly romantic to see that Hollywood actress pine onscreen for the man she lost years and years ago, but do you really want to live that life?

You, who have so much love to give?

No. I don't want that for you.

It may hurt like hell, but you need to learn how to love again.

Even if we break up, even if we don't see each other ever again—I'm not your ending.

Don't look at me like that.

Right now, all I want is to be right here with you.

But forever—well, it's not possible. It goes against the laws of the universe.

And, no matter how much it hurts, you have to be able to move on.

Okay?

Good.

Until then—as long as you'll have me—I'm right here.

(Just like I've always been.)

Don't wanna feel another touch

Don't wanna start another fire

Don't wanna know another kiss

No other name fallin' off my lips

Don't wanna give my heart away

To another stranger

Or let another day begin

Won't even let the sunlight in

No, I'll never love again

I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh

-I'll Never Love Again by Lady Gaga

If you liked this playlist rendition, consider looking at my past playlist exploits such as "The Kind of Girl I Wanted to Be in the 2000's," linked below.