I Found Hope.

My 2020 anthem is definitely Saved My Life by Sia. I've always loved her music but I actually only found this song during quarantine and now I'm listening to it all the time.

One thing quarantine has shown me is just how appreciative I am for my Fiance. I have had so many struggles with the lock down. I've had less accessible support for my mental health and I've not been able to do the activities that would help me during bad depressive episodes.

I have Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder and recently diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder too. I've struggled with medication, I often get bad side effects and until January all the medications I'd tried had not helped with my Bipolar mood shifts. Just as I found a medication that worked; I've not had a Bipolar Episode since January, I was suddenly shoved into this really stressful time. My parents are both considered high risk and I'd just moved back in with them, which was going to be a struggle already on my mental health. So with us now all stuck indoors constantly around each other it cause mayhem for my BPD and Anxiety.

This song really encapsulates how I feel about my Fiance coming into my life he found me shortly after I'd gotten my diagnosis of Bipolar then later BPD. I was self harming and not doing well at all. The day he officially started dating I handed over what I had, and I told him I was going to try to recover and quit self harming. I am now almost 5 years self harm free, I put a lot of that down to his unending patience and support. I'd tried before to quit and I'd always relapse I'd never made it past a year before I met him, now look at me, it'll be 5 years in October.

These lyrics really sum up how I felt when I met him:

Well someone must have sent you here to save my life

Someone must have sent you to save me tonight

I know that in darkness I have found my light

I know that in darkness I've been given sight

In your loving arms I feel delight

In your loving arms I'll be alright

Someone must have sent you to save me tonight

Someone must have sent you here to save my life

They still remain true to this day. During quarantine I've had many times I've wanted to relapse or take my own life, but he has always been there my one constant to remind me why that is not an option, and never should be.

This is my 2020 anthem because this year I've felt just like I did when we first met, and I've really really felt these lyrics more than ever. I have never had so many thoughts of relapse in such a short period of time since that first year we were together, when I first declared I was going to give it my all and quit. So I really feel this song, as much as it was my 2015 anthem it's also my 2o2o anthem, because quite honestly if he hadn't been with me through all this I'd be dead by now. It's a hard thing to even type out that I'd been so low I'd of done anything to end my life, if it were not for him.

I think that is why this song means so much to me. It really gets to me so deeply and expresses what he means to me better than I often can. It has definitely been on repeat these past couple months.

I'm sure many can relate to this whether this song makes them think of a partner or even a friend or family member. Have you had someone whose just come into your life and been there for you no matter what. Who you know you can call and they'll be there to listen, do anything they can to help. Whose saved you from the darkest parts that exist inside all of us. If you have you'll understand why this is my 2020 anthem.