Hairbrush Heartache

As Valentine's Day 2021 approaches, most of us whether we're currently romantically entangled or not, find ourselves looking back to the ghosts of Valentines past. The lovers, not the actual days. If we're honest with ourselves most of the actual celebrations don't make it into the long term memory banks. Then men and women we shared them with however are harder to forget and the songs we blasted in our headphones to drown out the pain of those breakups, well, they stick with us too and when we hear them later in our lives, we're transported to a different time.

I started dating when I was thirteen. Now that I have a daughter of my own that seems insanely young to me but at the time I thought I knew everything. I had that special arrogance that comes with adolescence and gives you such a sense of entitlement. Surprisingly, my first romance wasn't exactly a fleeting one. We were a couple until I was almost sixteen. I broke up with him, over MSN. For you young folk that don't know what that is, it was the WhatsApp of the communal computer that everyone in the house used before laptops were mainstream. I fully embraced the trauma and drama of that first breakup and I hit on every cliché like some kind of list I was working my way through. I cut and dyed my hair, ate buckets of ice cream, cut up photos of us, threw it the gifts he bought me etc etc and all of this was done while sobbing and bopping my head along to the music I played too loudly on my little purple Ipod (God I'm old) through Skull Candy Headphones I'd begged my Dad for, which probably accounts for my crappy hearing in adulthood.

So, let me take you though the first breakup, tear fest, singing into my hairbrush in front of the mirror in 00's get up playlist. I promise you they might be old, but they're still just as good. Featuring way too much Taylor Swift and just the right amount of teenage angst.

Let's start with the first stage of the playlist which I like to think of as the drowning in my own pain and suffering section. This is round about the time where you suddenly remember all the wonderful things about the person you've either just unceremoniously dumped or have been unceremoniously dumped by. These songs will fuel your tears and make you feel justified in your sadness. It's an important part of the process.

1. Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

2. If This Was A Movie - Taylor Swift

3. Haunted - Taylor Swift

4. Back to December - Taylor Swift

5. White Horse - Taylor Swift

6. The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

7. The Song Remembers When - Trish Yearwood

8. The Scientist - Coldplay

9. Set The Fire To The Third Bar - Snow Patrol

10. You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol

11. I Miss You - Blink 182

After you've cried so many tears you're at risk of dehydration, your face is a puffy mess and the colour of your eyes is indiscernible due to the fact they're mostly just red and staring blobs, it's time to get feisty and move onto the second stage of the breakup playlist. This is the haircut stage and men listen to me when I say this, that's not just a stage for the women. It's the cathartic f*** you to your ex that shows them you're moving on and changing your life without them.

12. Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

13. Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

14. Thank For The Memories - Fall Out Boy

15. So What - Pink

16. U & Ur Hand - Pink

17. F*** You and All Your Friends - Falling In Reverse

18. Gives You Hell - The All American Rejects

19. Ignorance - Paramore

20. Single Ladies - Beyoncé

21. Telephone - Lady Gaga ft Beyoncé

22. Forget You - CeeLo Green

If you find yourself this Valentine's looking into the faces of the ghosts of Valentine's past or maybe you're going through a breakup right now yourself, check out my playlist. Feel the emotions of both stages, weep into your Ben & Jerry's and sing as loudly into your hairbrush as you can until the world melts away, then take up the strings of your life, wipe away those tears, fix your hair, fix your face, pour yourself a drink and keep on going. I hope you give them hell.