good and beauty comes with ugliness

High for Hours by J Cole

High for Hours reminds me of my humble beginnings. I was born in the Philippine where it's blessed with tropical islands, amazing food and culture. Although with everything that has good and beauty within, comes with ugliness. That for the Philippines is the corruption, violence and poverty that they experience. Australia has open opportunities that aren't accessible or open to the people in the Philippines. Example the public health care service. Which entitles Australian citizens in free access to health care services without paying. In countries like the USA, Syria, Philippines etc. the public has to pay for the full amounts of the fee of their medications or hospital admission fees.

The second verse stood out for me. For a long time, many people have tried to persuade the people in charge of the system by protesting peacefully and forcefully. We've seen through the past generations and even now from the events of protesting happening all over the world. The past generations have builded the stepping stones that they've made during their social movements. Some sacrificed themselves to be able to be heard. Their efforts were the stepping stones that have helped us. And then the third verse resonated with me. There's a cycle that we are all in. We've tried persuading the people in charge of the system. I think it's time to try and persuade the ones that run the system. Us. The public... J Cole's last few words of this song encourage to look within yourself. If you want things to change, you have to be open to changing your ways.

Growing Pains by Alessia Cara

Growing Pains by Alessia Cara brought out and emotion that I've been repressing, grief. First hearing this song was during the time I was feeling lost and vulnerable. I was confused about why I felt the way I did still. I didn't understand what was going on within. Or what I was feeling. This song helped me release my grief. We can't denial grief because, from experience, they started popping up in other aspects of my life. Then that begins denying those other aspects. Having to be able to let go of something or someone that isn't compatible for us anymore bring forward grief. It doesn't matter what combination you have for your grief. It's still grief.

Grief isn't always brought forward by losing a loved one through death or separation. Also by letting go of the outdated aspects of yourself that you no longer identify with. That comes with letting go of the people and place we are no longer able to relate too. With grief bring forward this uncomfortable, lost, unknown feeling. Being to familiarise, acknowledge and understand the reasoning behind your grief is important. Being able to put in the work to understand not just yourself but the deeper connections you have with your emotions.

What I've about grieving is that everybody will not have the same ingredients to grief as you. There shouldn't be stages of how we feel grief. There is no time frame when it'll stop feeling heavy. Although from experience I've learnt to sit with my grief and show understanding towards it. Because grief comes and go. It's the indication that something has ended. It doesn't mean you are going to be in this uncomfortable space forever.

3AM & 949 by Halsey

3AM reminded me of my crippling fear of commitment and being abandoned. Which battles with one another. There were times where I seek comfort through strangers arms because I wasn't able to find comfort within my own company. Moments where I was overly, emotionally invested towards somebody from being completely cold and slowly faded off to the background. This constant battle I had within myself of wanting space and my freedom. As well as a craving to be emotionally open and vulnerable to somebody. Committing in a relationship requires me to be open. Not just physical, but emotional.

The fact that in the past I would avoid real healthy commitments or connections was because I didn't believe I'd deserved such a thing. Where the combination of the song 929 brings forth the shame and regret I've attached to my past casual partners. I labelled most of those nights as regrets or mistakes. Either because I had unspoken expectations from them or they showed me something about myself and emotions that I wasn't able to face back then. For me, Halsey's music resonates with me. The amount of time I've fallen for attention because I've programmed myself to compromise my worth to feel acceptance. I find comfort in her music. Having the thought that maybe someone else out there knows how these feelings of unworthiness I've felt. That what I was feeling didn't make me alone.

Like everything else that has good and beauty within comes with ugliness. Same goes with me. Either I can look and criticism my ugliness or focus on my good and beauty while also holding the space of accepting my ugliness.

Having to come to terms that they both come as one. As a whole. Each part of the good I've done as well as the harm I've caused. Coming to the acceptance that my past, the regrets, mistakes or failures I've labelled within myself comes hand in hand to forming to who I have become mentally and emotionally

My Conclusion from what I've learned from these songs—

Understandings and acknowledging our emotion is a way of being able to not just get to know ourselves better but understand and see others in different lighting.

We are at the time that we need to begin encouraging each other to see our similarities. What makes us all the same. Because it doesn't matter what country or time it is. We all feel pain, grief, struggles, joy, warmth and love. It doesn't matter what your ingredients are for the grief it will always end up as grief. Same goes with every emotion.

Having to accept our own emotions, regrets, the moments we never wanted to end, to the hurt projections inflicted on others. The good and ugly within us is something we both can hold a space for. We don't have to be one or the other. Because we both hold good and beauty but also ugliness within us. We have to be able to accept ourself as a whole. The good and the bad.

Nobody is perfect or ever will be.