A Retired Hoe Reminiscing On Her Tales

The first time I listened to the album Heaux Tales by Jazmine Sullivan I was not only struck by her amazing voice, but by how much I related to the story she was telling. The title, Heaux Tales, pronounced “hoe tales”, is a funny and sophisticated twist on words. It sets a vibe that is continued by the storytelling within the album. The introduction track, “Bodies'', describes a night involving too much alcohol and the sketchy situations she keeps putting herself in. It’s a melodic pep talk evaluating another crazy night and telling herself that she has to get her shit together. Right away I’m transported back to the countless times I woke up in the morning feeling exactly the same way. Unlike her, I wasn’t even considering how lucky I was that I woke up safe in my own bed. My college years all blur together with nights like these strewn in-when I considered my actions to be nothing but fun and good times. With this opening tale, Jazmine lets us in on her own personal struggles, allowing herself to be vulnerable and relatable. She opens up the stage for other women to share their truth and lets the listener know they are not alone.

Sandwiched between each song are different “Hoe Tales” being shared by women. They form a full circle connecting the lyrics of each song, creating an album that flows perfectly. The women touch on different topics, such as the role money plays in a relationship and the destruction of cheating. “Antoinette’s Tale” describes the double standards that exist within this new dating culture. A culture that allows for endless freedoms without any real connection. It’s a space full of fuck-boys and fuck-buddies who are over the outdated rules that the generations before them created. Within this culture no one is allowed to catch feelings (as if having feelings for someone is a terminal illness). Antoinette recognizes that the “men” she is dealing with only care about themselves and getting what they want. When they realize her body isn't something they can own or manipulate, their masculinity and egos are put into question. My hope is that once these “men” finally grow up and mature, they are able to value a woman for her strength and independence. I think young men struggling with their own confidence are fearful of a strong woman because deep down they know they’re not worthy of her yet.

By the end of the album I had been reminded of so many memories and a wave of emotions had resurfaced. I wasn’t prepared for the rawness of “Amanda’s Tale”. Her 38-second monologue discusses how her self-worth comes from the sex she has to offer. She has learned by comparison to others that her personality alone isn’t enough to keep a man around. Hearing her speak her truth opened wounds that I hadn’t thought about in a long time. I think this is where having sex without feelings or emotions can become blurry and we can start to lose ourselves. It seems to me a lot of young women struggle with feelings of not being “enough”, especially when it comes to relationships. We often see other women as competition, believing that whatever they have to offer is better. Amanda also mentions that the good sex she was offering gave her a sense of power and confidence. At a certain time in my life I was proud of the sexual freedom I had and felt a very similar sense of power. Using sex to boost my confidence was a way for me to cope with the fact that I wasn’t having real connections. The power blinded me from seeing how sad I actually was.

The last song, “Girl Like Me”, continues the vibe of “Amanda’s Story” by describing the emotions we struggle with after a breakup. A woman is blindsided by a breakup and reminded yet again why she never gets comfortable with men. She compares herself to other women who have been successful in love and wonders why she can’t be. I think a lot of women can relate to this kind of heartbreak. Personally, I put up plenty of walls after my own relationships ended. “Girl Like Me” is the perfect way to end the album and also happens to be my favorite track. Jazmine Sullivan and H.E.R bring their soulful raspy voices together to create pure lyrical magic. “You gonna make a hoe out of me” is repeated throughout the song as a regrettable threat. It brings us back to the idea that what she has to offer isn’t enough. Now she has to enter back into the world of fuck-buddies and one-night stands because the love she has to give couldn’t keep him. Our dating culture today allows endless freedoms to all involved, but it’s also causing harm. If we are unable to respect or value each other then eventually we start to question our own worth.

Maybe surviving this type of toxic dating scene is a rite of passage for my generation. It’s easy for me to look back now and see how much I was hurting, but at the time I was blissfully unaware. I’ve been in a relationship for three years now and sometimes I miss the woman I was back then. She was incredibly confident and a lot less stressed. I view that time in my life as a learning experience that I grew out of once I found a partner that truly loved all of me. Sometimes I wonder if I would still be living that lifestyle had I not found my person. I wonder what my life could have looked like.