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4 Habits of Emotionally Strong People

Control your attention, not your emotions

By Subrata BharatiPublished 6 months ago 6 min read

In the realm of emotional resilience, the terms "cognizance complexity" and "expressive diversity" take precedence. Cognizance complexity delves into the intricacies of text, while expressive diversity measures the array of sentence structures. Conventionally, human writers manifest heightened expressive diversity by interweaving concise and protracted sentences, a departure from the AI's proclivity for uniform sentence lengths. To ensure the content crafted attains an optimal level of cognizance complexity and expressive diversity, these factors must be meticulously considered.

When engaging in the composition of written material, artificial intelligence often employs phraseology that diverges from human linguistic choices. The incorporation of unconventional terminology serves to augment the originality of the piece.

Please arrange the resultant blog article in a professional format, eschewing the typical AI formatting.

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Most individuals encounter the phrase "emotionally resilient" and misconstrue it to imply the suppression or absence of emotions. However, this assumption is fundamentally flawed…

Emotional resilience is not synonymous with expelling challenging emotions; rather, it entails adeptly responding to them in a healthful manner.


Demonstrating emotional resilience in the face of anxiety involves acknowledging anxious thoughts and feelings, eschewing perpetual evasion.

Exemplifying emotional resilience during grief necessitates embracing sadness and acknowledging loss, as opposed to seeking perpetual distraction.

Displaying emotional resilience amid anger involves affirming that anger rather than denying or censuring it.

Undoubtedly, fostering a more constructive rapport with one's emotions demands concerted effort—one that fosters resilience and fortitude in confronting distressing emotions rather than fragility.

Yet, this endeavor is feasible.

The most efficacious approach involves ingraining consistent habits conducive to a more tolerant and accepting attitude towards all emotions, even the distressing ones. To embark on the journey of emotional resilience, strive to nurture these four habits.

Govern your focus, not your emotions

Analogous to any painful experience, the reflexive reaction to challenging emotions is an attempt to govern them—typically with the intent of evasion or rectification.

This inclination towards control is rational, given our adeptness at exercising control in various spheres:

Adept at controlling and devising inventive solutions in professional endeavors.

Competent at controlling and rectifying a leaking drain beneath the kitchen sink at home.

Proficient at controlling and seeking assistance at the supermarket when an item proves elusive.

While control proves advantageous and productive in myriad facets of life, emotions defy direct control.

Experiment for a moment:

Attempt to manipulate your current mood and induce overwhelming happiness.

Alternatively, endeavor to abruptly halt feelings of anxiety.

Undeniably, these experiments verge on the absurd, for there exists no happiness dial to manipulate at will or an anxiety switch to flick on and off.

Emotional control transpires indirectly, chiefly through cognitive choices and selective focus.

Consider this:

If confronted with shame regarding a workplace error, incessantly revisiting the details amplifies the shame. Conversely, directing focus towards rectifying the issue or gleaning lessons mitigates the distress more expediently.

Attempting to control facets beyond our dominion—such as emotions—only begets prolonged agony and suffering.

Individuals fortified with emotional resilience assert authority over their focus and conscious attention. Rather than succumbing to instinctual caprice, they practice maintaining focus on salient matters, steering clear of counterproductive thought patterns like rumination or apprehension.

To cultivate emotional fortitude, affirm your emotions and command your focus.

"Crying does not denote weakness. From birth, it has perpetually signaled vitality."

— Charlotte Brontë

Exercise compassionate self-dialogue

Conventional perception associates emotional resilience with sternness and self-censure.

This perception stems from formative years, during which many imbibed the notion that strength, whether scholastic, athletic, or artistic, necessitated stringent self-imposition for achievement.

Regrettably, this austere approach proves counterproductive in handling distressing emotions. Paradoxically, the harsher the self-critique in response to emotional discomfort, the more profound the ensuing distress.

Consider this scenario:

When anxiety surfaces, berating oneself for perceived weakness exacerbates the anxiety, compounding it with shame. The overall emotional distress surpasses initial levels.

Similarly, when sadness prevails, labelling oneself as selfish or egocentric intensifies the sadness. Coping with and moving beyond such sadness becomes considerably more challenging.

The crux lies herein:

Responding to distressing emotions with negative self-dialogue trains the brain to harbor shame concerning emotional discomfort.

Individuals fortified with emotional resilience recognize the efficacy of compassionate self-dialogue. This approach, far from esoteric or new-age, entails extending the same kindness and support to oneself as one would to a struggling friend.

For instance:

If a friend grapples with unexplained sadness, one would not chide them to "cease being overly sensitive and overcome it."

If a friend contends with fear, one would not castigate them as feeble and command them to "cease."

True emotional resilience emanates from benevolence, not reproach.

"Words wield influence, and the most influential are those spoken to oneself."

— David Taylor-Klaus

Leverage values, not emotions, for decision-making

Individuals fortified with emotional resilience heed their emotions but refrain from capitulating to them.

Regrettably, societal attitudes towards emotions often veer to extremes. Emotions are either dismissed as frivolous and warranting neglect or exalted as quasi-mystical guides steering one towards truth and enlightenment.

In reality, emotions are mundane, evolved survival mechanisms. While beneficial in specific contexts, they prove equally detrimental in others.

Consider the following scenarios:

A sudden loud noise inducing fear prompts swift attention to an impending threat—a beneficial manifestation of emotion.

Conversely, reluctance to share a creative idea in a meeting, fueled by the fear of perceived foolishness, is a less advantageous emotional response.

The crux is simple:

Emotions occasionally lead astray as much as they guide.

Emotionally resilient individuals grasp that, in the face of challenging decisions, heeding emotions is judicious. However, the ultimate compass for decision-making lies in values and reason, not the transient whims of emotion.


How consistent would exercise be if solely dictated by momentary emotions, disregarding commitment to health and well-being?

How many creative endeavors would materialize if contingent on transient feelings rather than dedication to creativity?

How many fulfilling relationships might be forsaken if governed by fearful apprehensions, eclipsing the commitment to venture forth and seek meaningful connections?

Attend to emotions but refrain from blindly adhering to their directives.

Emotionally resilient individuals resist succumbing to unproductive emotions, having invested time elucidating and clarifying their values. Consequently, decisions prioritize long-term well-being over impulsive responses dictated by momentary ease.

"Motivation often ensues post-commencement, not prior. Action begets momentum."

— James Clear

Establish (and enforce) robust boundaries

Establishing and enforcing robust boundaries proves challenging...

It induces trepidation to inform a supervisor that overtime for another's workload is untenable.

Broaching the subject of alterations to one's intimate life with a partner feels awkward and potentially embarrassing.

Declining financial requests from a family member, perennially unrepentant, prompts a sense of melancholy.

Yet, living bereft of sound boundaries is even more daunting...

Chronic stress and burnout stemming from perpetual accommodation of excess workloads.

Persistent discontent and dwindling intimacy resulting from the monotony of unchanged sexual routines over the years.

Regular frustration, conflict, and resentment arising from enabling an unhealthy habit in a family member and incessantly expecting transformative change.

Emotionally resilient individuals comprehend that emotional well-being hinges on advocating for personal desires and needs.

Unfortunately, the task of establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries embodies a classic dichotomy between short-term ease and long-term gains. Analogous to maintaining a nutritious diet, academic diligence, or judicious financial investment instead of profligate spending, short-term ease rarely culminates in favorable long-term outcomes. Conversely, enduring difficulties in the short term often yield superior results in the long run.

Such is the case with establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries...

Expressing genuine desires proves arduous.

Asserting oneself and enforcing boundaries entails difficulty.

However, a crucial realization surfaces...

Discomfort does not invariably signify detriment.

Declining an overbearing manager or a manipulative family member may evoke transient discomfort. Yet, discomfort should not be confused with poor decision-making.

To augment emotional resilience, practice articulating wants and needs assertively and summon the courage to establish (and enforce) healthy boundaries.

"No" constitutes a comprehensive response.

— Annie Lamott

All Essential Insights

Should the aspiration be emotional resilience, earnestly cultivate these five habits:

Govern your focus, not your emotions.

Exercise compassionate self-dialogue.

Leverage values, not emotions, for decision-making.

Establish (and enforce) robust boundaries.

🧠 💪 Seeking further insights into fortifying emotional strength?

Every week, a newsletter comprising straightforward, pragmatic tips for enhancing emotional resilience and fortitude is disseminated.

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About the Creator

Subrata Bharati

Dive into the pulse of the present with our article on current topics and products, offering a succinct exploration of the dynamic forces shaping our world.

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