The Darkest Sunrise
Bio
Hello beautiful souls! Open book vibes over here!
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https://open.spotify.com/show/5cwcBivrINaGKqRLtBaGOx?si=kJMHUF_yQj2epM84RYSi_Q
Have the best day and drink your water! <3
Stories (79/0)
'Beauty Restored': Life After Rape (Must Read)
After I had been raped I told all that needed to know. When my mom told the pastor that worked at her job, I was far from thrilled. I didn’t think that she needed to know. I wasn’t even sure I still believed in God. What would it help? Probably nothing because my heart had been aching for far too long to heal.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 years ago in Viva
Update on My Rape Case
For a while I believed that my soul was permanently shattered. I believed that what this man took from me could never be retrieved again. My pain was so excruciating physically and mentally that every day was full of new struggles. I was lost in a sea of my thoughts day after day. Running from him was something I became an expert at. However, it didn’t diminish the humiliation and pain I’d grown to live with. He lacerated the core of me and it ruined a lot of things as a result. It was of subtle comfort when the courts granted me with one year of a sexual violence protection order. The max was three years and honestly what I had aimed for. He fought it. Because of course he can’t just admit to the horrible things he’s done to me. I decided to fight after that day. No matter how afraid I was of him, he couldn’t just get away with one year of a protection order. That had to be the lightest slap on the wrist. Sexual assault is everywhere around us. The perpetrators scare their victims into keeping quiet and it’s the most disgusting thing. When I decided to fight I didn’t know it would be so hard. I had anticipated that it would undoubtedly take time but I never imagined it would take this much time. I just want the whole thing to be over.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 years ago in Viva
My Rape Recovery
As expected the occurrence of rape can change a person. A simple, despicable act can alter the bubbliest of personalities. So many things come to surface when you face the path that someone else has chosen for you. You feel as though you have no control over any situation at all. There may even be a period of time where you knowingly begin to self-destruct.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 years ago in Viva
Interracial Dating (From a Black Woman's Perspective)
Ever since I was a little girl, I always had this enthrallment with white men. Of course, when I was younger, it was little caucasian boys. Don’t ask me why, but that fascination grew as I got older. Being thoroughly attracted to white men could be rough at times. Where I live, there are white men on every corner. However, I grew up in a school where there were probably only nine black kids. Lots of the guys at school were super interested in fucking black girls on the low. In public, though, that was a big no no. I dated one guy from my school publicly and was given a tough time about it. His friends that were girls would make up outrageous lies: “your girlfriend called me a cracker,” “she flirts with other people,” etc. They would do their normal bullying and it was honestly super pathetic. I dated another guy on the low; however, he was a little older than me. I was still in middle school and he was in high school. He was one of the "popular" boys. His excuse as to why we couldn’t go public was he didn’t want to be viewed as a “sex offender.” He was just three years older than me. Our age differences were not uncommon in a lot of the couples that went to our school. Loads of times it has always been every excuse in the book. In fact, in my adult life, I have only dated one man whose family was super okay with me being black. His whole family embraced me. It was probably the best relationship I had been in. We ended up splitting because he wasn’t ready for his friends to know he was knocking boots with a black girl. It crushed me because we had been through so much. He met my friends, family, and I had been there for him when his mother passed away. While my love for white guys still stands, it hasn’t exactly been a smooth ride. Here I am still single as shit and probably staying that way for a while. Today I wanted to share a few things with you about what I have experienced during my time exploring interracial dating. Fasten your seat belts, kids. It's about to get crazy around here!
By The Darkest Sunrise6 years ago in Humans
He Won Once. He Won't Win Again.
How do I come to terms with the fact that a man did not just shove himself into me? He did so much more. He shoved hatred into the deepest part of what is left of a broken soul. Four months later and every breath I take rattles. I pray that each breath will become the last but it never does. I am forced into a life I am not ready to live. Before he raped me I was someone. I felt like no matter what I was of some microscopic value. I hardly had my life figured out but now everything is fucked up for sure this time. He gets to go on and live a life free of panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. He gets to feel comfortable around his family. He gets to feel like someone believes him. I am made to feel like a fucking manic wreck which is exactly what I've come to be. I did not ask for this. I did not ask to bay at the moon with my soul shattering at my feet as if the sky could fix my sorrow. I did not ask to watch my nails bleed as I puncture the dirt with my fragile fingers searching for my normality. Liquor slides down my throat so smooth I could almost taste my freedom but it's sad when liquor is the only time I'm free. Only I'm not. I am a prisoner to his face. His spiked hair slicked up. I'd love to spit in his face only I'd never have the courage. A man broke me which is something I never wanted to say again. Only this time I think no man will ever have the chance to do so again. You see when he entered me that night my whole perspective changed. I no longer long for the sun to be against a diamond that compliments my finger. I no longer wonder what the kicks of my child will feel like in my womb. At this rate there is no point of me having a womb. I am no longer a woman. I am a statistic. Every 98 seconds a soul is shattered beyond belief. Only six out of a thousand of these monsters will sink behind the bars they so belong in. My heart screams for the me I was before my vagina repulsed me. My heart longs for the time I loved freely. My life is a movie. It's a horror film and I am the star. I am a monster fighting a monster. One out of every six women has been the victim of an attempted or a completed fucking rape. That is one too many. We are taught to “cover up” or “stop asking for it” when in reality if my nipple was a friend to the breeze no man should ever touch me without my consent. So many rapes go unreported because we are viewed as sluts who beg for a dick to be launched inside us against our will. A mini skirt is cause for a touch or a feel. When in reality, if I strip down to nothing with every intent of sleeping with a man, the minute I say no that is exactly what I mean. The night of my rape I said no a million times but those no's where silenced by the sound of my cries. When did he stop? When he was finished. When he was pleasured. Not once did he stop and think that what he was doing was the most vile thing any human could possibly do to another. My life is over. And I won't rest until the system evens the score.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 years ago in Viva
Life After Rape
I remember when I used to feel normal and adequately balanced. There was a time where my life was at least partially decent. To be honest, right now I'm not exactly sure how I even get out of bed most days. I remember when my life seemed a lot less complicated. I didn't feel anything weighing me down at all. Now, every day I am held captive by the thoughts that ding inside my head like an obnoxious microwave of depression. I'm longing to be cool and pretty and happy. These days all of these things feel substantially out of my reach. Pain and shame have taken over what used to be a pretty okay me.
By The Darkest Sunrise6 years ago in Viva