Steven Christopher McKnight
Disillusioned twenty-something trying to meander his way through this abject mess of a world. Aspiring garden hermit. Future ghost of a drowned hobo.
- Runner-Up in Tall Tail Challenge
Leave the Window Open On Your Way OutRunner-Up in Tall Tail Challenge
I loved the sound of a million wings flapping inside of her, even if it drowned me out. “It’s a medical device,” she would lie, and I never wanted to see right through it, but something inside me always did. And maybe it was when she said things like Did you know that you can buy 1500 live ladybugs on Amazon for two dollars? or when she told me Insect screens give the illusion of freedom but stop just short of the real thing, but I started having my suspicions early on in the relationship that she might be a bunch ladybugs in the mantle of a person.
Was Henry Spencer a Good Father?
Graduate school is rough, so to distract myself from the eighteen pressing deadlines, I’ve been on a Psych binge for the past several weeks. I just watched the third movie for the first time; somehow I missed it when it came out. So now, in the quiet interlude between finishing one series (emptiness, despair, directionlessness, nothing standing between me and the responsibilities of graduate school) and starting the next one, I find myself desiring to dive deeper into the characters that made my formative years so colorful, and my current years so adept at procrastination. Namely, one character whose arc I am always willing to praise is that of Henry Spencer, protagonist Shawn Spencer’s father.
“I’m worried about what this means symbolically,” said I to myself when the crow landed beside me on the park bench and said, “Your hubris will get the better of you in due time,” like a schoolteacher divulging the moral of a fable to a classroom full of six-year-olds. The bird’s attention fluttered between the spaces around it—the scant bright scarlet leaves hanging overhead on the tendrilous maple branches, the baby in the stroller being pushed by its mother on the gravel walking trail, a miscellaneous piece of trash placed in the grass by a miscellaneous human who may or may not have happened to be myself—but I digress. Though its attention was splayed among the world around it, its words were meant to bite me and me alone. Who else could it have been talking to? No one else was in earshot.
The Worst American I've Ever Met
I’ve been waiting for a good time to write about this; as an essayist, perhaps I wanted to find a good thematic through-line to assign to it. But, I don’t think I want to wait for inspiration to strike anymore. Here’s your thematic through-line, Steve: there are some real stinkers out there in the American expat community. I’m going to tell all of you a story about a man I met abroad, a man who at one time I thought could only exist in the microcosm of sitcoms and sitcom-adjacent media. Let me tell you, dear reader, about the worst American I’ve ever met.
Honorable Faceless Thing
The outside world was unknown to her, but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room. Thurdo wadded up the piece of paper and tossed it out the open window, into the head-heaps below. A stupid first sentence, for a stupid gent with a stupid name. Thurdo. What kind of name was that? His grandfather had been Murdo MacNelson, his father Murdo MacNelson, Jr. What on Earth was wrong with Murdo MacNelson the Third? Thurdo. Suppose his mother thought that was funny, and his father couldn’t argue with a woman who’d just undergone childbirth. Turdo, that’s what the schoolchildren called him back when schools happened. Set him up for a life of embarrassment, is all it did, and if things continued to go as they were going, it’d set Thurdo MacNelson up for an objectively embarrassing death as well.
Babies Aren't Real - 4 Truths
DISCLAIMER: Recently I was told that this piece "does not meet quality standards" for this site. Obviously this is an attempt to silence the baby-denying crowd. Perhaps what they want is a disclaimer, stating that the views expressed in this article are satirical. So, for the sake of quality, sure, this is satire. Babies are definitely real. I'm absolutely lying throughout the entirety of this article. Yes, sir. I certainly believe that babies can be and definitely are real.
10 Pros & Cons About Pokémon Scarlet
Why am I so late talking about this? Well, first of all, I co-own a Nintendo Switch Lite with my brother. He lives at home, and I live near my university. Because he works full-time 40 hours a week, and I work approximately 70 hours a week between classes and university jobs, it made more sense for our joint-custody Nintendo to live with him for a little bit. Now that classes are over for the semester, and I’m back home for however long, it’s time for me to finally figure out what all the buzz was about. Neat. So, as I play Pokemon Scarlet for the first time ever, allow me to dispense my first takes on the game. Five glaring gripes, and five soaring praises. Let’s crack in.
Dank Memes I Liked This Week
Memes are a love language. I stand by this, and I will never not stand by this. I use memes to start conversations I have no idea how to start, and to show my friends I still care about them. That being said, here’s a collection of memes I found funny this week, and some commentary to pad the word count. This is me, sharing memes with you, the reader, to show that I still care about you. Even you, Kevin. Especially you, Kevin.
One Piece: Chapter 2 is a Mixed Bag
It’s been about a month since I released my first review of every individual chapter of the legendary manga One Piece. Since then, I have published a grand total of zero reviews. Whoops. Sorry. It seems as though your old boy really let things slip. But I’m back now and, just like Luffy when he sees an enormous plate of meat, it’s time to really dig in. Chapter 1 was really a one-off. I couldn’t adequately rank it because, as a part of the story, it’s entirely unique. It’s a full narrative in one chapter, and to be perfectly honest, that’s kind of how the first few chapters of One Piece start out. The pacing feels weird because we’re cramming a full arc into one sitting. Nonetheless, I will do my best to critique Chapter 2.
Steven Reviews: One Piece Chapter 1
One Piece by Eiichiro Oda is a manga series that’s been going on since before I was born. I remember afternoons after school, my brother would flip on episodes of the anime—reruns, to be sure—and all of us would crowd around the old Panasonic and watch them fleetingly because they were on. I remember getting up to maybe the Skypiea Arc, but then the family seemed to lose interest.