Starting again...anything is possible in my imagination......stay tuned
Best parents ever.
Subconscious log number unknown, file data lost. Actual date sometime at 5am the summer of 1973. Get up son it's time to go. I don't want to get up dad! Let's sleep in I groaned. That is not an option son I'll be in the car. After driving for what seemed like a long time but it really wasn't, we arrived at our destination. It was a stocked lake in the middle of nowhere Ohio. I was sixish years old and about to embark on my very first fishing experience. The sandwiches were plain old peanut butter, but I remember somehow they tasted like 5 star cuisine after a few hours out on the lake when my dad pulled them out of that Coleman cooler.
I lost my dad. I lost my mom. I lost my job. I lost my way. With nowhere else to turn I turned inward. Inside was total darkness and silence was all I heard. Sitting with myself in nothingness unlearning all my beliefs, truly caused me to realize my only friend was grief. So, I continued to sit and be with me, until the realization that these thoughts were thieves. Suddenly as if from above, came the equation no expectations plus zero judgement equals self-love.
Duchess of Basset Hound
The year was 1974. The boy in the plaid pants is me and that is my first dog named Duchess. This picture was probably taken weeks before the storm that took out the doghouse behind us which was built by my father. Unfortunately for Duchess she was in said doghouse when the willow tree fell on it causing her to break her leg. It was a quick moving electrical storm and before I could bring Duchess inside our large willow tree was struck by lightning and fell onto her house which I'm sure she believed would protect her. I managed to get her out and inside and then to the veterinarian, with the help of my dad, but you could tell she was pretty shaken up. I was only six years old at the time and Duchess was almost twice my age at eleven. That's 77 in dog years. The trauma she experienced did not change the relationship between a boy and his dog, but it did change Duchess. We continued playing with tennis balls although she was much slower now after recovery and she was getting significantly older. The size of the willow tree was daunting, and Duchess was very lucky to escape with just a broken rear leg and I was very grateful to still have my childhood friend.
What are words worth? Are they more precious when they are spoken or when they are written down? Or is it truly the thought that precedes the words that is priceless and unique? Can you buy and sell them or are they just worthless noise that never truly gets understood? Words for thought I suppose... Today I recount the fable of the world's youngest ever guru. He lives in the imagination that is in each and every one of us but has been covered up as we grow up. It lies dormant in the recesses of our childhood mind just aching to be awakened by spontaneous thought and joy; Revisited in a flash of music or a long-forgotten toy.
Poem in a Pear Tree
This is a true story based on memory, but aren't they all when you really think about it? Recall never seems to have any falsehoods for the re-caller in my experiences. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and truth is in the mind of and brain of the experiencer in my foggy estimation. I digress.
Locked in a LOCKET
Daisuke knew what he must do. It was even spelled out in his given name Daisuke, which means helper. Even though his daughter Satoshi did not want him to go, the duty ingrained in him made the choice for him. His entire adult life had been dedicated to fighting fires and the emerging tragedy in Indonesia in 2049 caused him to take action. He arranged for his troop to fly from Japan to assist with squelching this tragic fire that had been burning out of control for over 2 years now. His advanced age of 52 was not going to stop his resolve to do whatever he could to help. His father Isamu who was also a firefighter his entire life, insisted on going as well for moral support and they prepared to leave the next morning on an early charter flight. His daughter Satoshi knew once he made up his mind she could not change it. She tried to give her father the heart-shaped locket he gave her on her birthday so many years ago, but he refused as he gave her that gift on her 5th birthday and told her to always wear it as it will give you courage and keep his love locked away next to her heart always. He had her name engraved on the back and a heart drawn on the inside of the locket for her to see when she opened it. Just wear it and my heart will always be with you he had said, and it has been her prize possession ever since. She knew he wouldn't take it so she did the next best thing and cajoled her grandfather into taking her locket to sneak into her dads fire suit for protection. She knew she would feel better knowing she was with him in spirit. She did however keep the key with her so she could open it when her father returned home. Her father was a lifelong firefighter in Tokyo and was unafraid to go where he felt he was needed The fire had been burning for two years and the (AQI) or Air Quality Index had reached 2000 throughout most of the country according to authorities and anything between 301-500 is considered very dangerous. She had never wanted him to go but she knew that fighting fires was in her dad's blood as his father Isamu and also his grandfather Nori were both firefighters. The next morning she cried but knew what must be done. No one knew what to expect and how long they would be gone but the answer came sooner than anyone expected when three days later her grandfather Isamu knocked on Satoshi's door.
I am at rock bottom. The only way is up. Failure is not an option. I believe in myself more and more and more with each passing day. Violence and loss and debt have changed me, made me unfckablewith: my resolve can cut diamonds. No one, no thing, no body in this galaxy will stop me. These are not affirmations they are facts. My belief has carried me through to become the idea guy that my original idea knew I would become. All it took was a true subconscious surrender to my belief in myself. Faith in saying yes to who you truly are and taking the small steps that you viscerally believe in to become that which you seek. I am the idea and the idea is greater than I because I was born from the idea. Wow, I love right now because there is no such thing as yesterday or tomorrow Right Now.
Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. I have been wondering to myself lately what that really means. The first thought was you are concentrating your focus on just one thing, a tree; so you can't see the whole picture, the forest. That lead me to any number of inquiries like; what if you are looking at a bunch of trees? What determines the borders of any particular forest? How many trees actually make up a forest? Are there forests in heaven that provide oxygen for God? Ok now my stream of consciousness is digressing so I'll get to my point. My point is I have no regrets. There's no point. It took me a long time to get here; allow me to explain if I possibly can.
Hi my name is Sam. You could have knocked me over with a feather when the girl I took on a blind date eight years before (to the day) gave an unsolicited toast at my wedding. She had heard about the wedding from a mutual friend and had unbeknownst to me contacted my future wife who for some strange reason granted her request for an invitation. I didn't find out until after our wedding that she had not actually crashed our nuptials but was in fact on the guest list with even a plus one!
The year was 2016 and my identity had vanished. I struggled to come to grips with what was happening but the more I struggled the more the answers seemed to evade me. The details in retrospect are unimportant, the only thing that mattered to me at the time was what was I going to do now that my dream job was gone. The dream job that I had done for the past 26 years was gone without any explanation or warning; just a phone call saying that I had no job to come to Monday morning. I knew things always work out for me so I began sending out my resume and looking for new careers that would surely come knocking on my door. However after many weeks of no after no piled up almost as high as my bills, I was forced to make a decision. As much as I dreaded it I began driving Uber everyday so I could scrape enough together to pay my bills. It was a temporary fix that lasted three long years as I floundered not realizing I was stuck in a financial and emotional crossroads and had no idea which way to go. I also was working at a golf course doing landscaping which sapped me of all my energy. My wife of only a year was my only haven as she tried to help me escape the inescapable path I was currently experiencing. We would exercise and she would encourage me to read and learn meditation as a way to change my inner state and decide what to do next.