I study psychology-- and partake in substances to expand my mind. With mind expansion comes creativity, and my creative gift happens to manifest in written form. If you want more creativity, feel free to leave a tip!! 🕉💜☮
Minding My Own
No, I’m not suicidal. No, I don’t cut my wrists. I don’t pop pills or go to parties, I don’t smoke weed every minute or drown my thoughts in vodka. Anymore.
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I enter the espresso palace as an intense splash of warm caffeinated air glides over my skin. The walls stand, stiff and lifeless, yet remain vivacious with their vibrant colours and welcoming decor. Paintings hang there, on those walls, and my mind joins with the wildlife featured in the frames, in rain forests and safaris, far away from the present. Through the lion’s eye I see determination and experience an internal pulse of instinct. I wish to travel swiftly alongside him, with wild liberation, and know that my only calling is to be one with nature. The calming sensation of this wish allows me to open my mind to the evening. I inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth and reground myself in the cafe.
We saw the headlights veer sharply into the lot, when he spotted us in the cave of a room. Red and blue waves blinded us instantaneously. RUN.
We were at my grandmother’s house. My father, mother, and I would travel there, in the mountains of gorgeous Missoula, Montana, every so often to visit her since the death of her husband, Peter Cornelius DeWit. The exterior of the home seemed strange, as if Carol had made renovations in a lonely spur of creativity. I don’t remember arriving, or even packing for the weekend. My mother and father had both been absent… I reminisced. I don’t recall my parents driving; I don’t recall seeing them at all. My mind was in a purging state; everything must go. I had only a recollection of the day, or days, prior to that moment.
Call your father every day; tell him you love Jesus; get baptised, honey, even if you don’t believe it, we need you to look like a Christian; don’t doubt our religion, darling; you’re part of this family and you should believe what we believe; don’t doubt our God; but my father’s a terrible man, he abandoned us; your imagination will devour you; you may go to Hell for thinking what else could be out there; eternity exists, but not the way you think it does; pray for us at dinner; read the Bible before bed; and for the love of God and all that is holy don’t think stones will solve your problems, are you stupid?; the only prince of peace is our lord and savior; there isn’t another world, another dimension; you can’t lucid dream, you just think you can; there are no out of body experiences; there is no astral dimension; stars won’t do shit for your future, only God will; what, do you think science can solve your problems?; stones really do help me; they help to heal me; call your father every day; tell him you love Jesus; he’s poor don’t you know, buy him dinner, fill his gas tank; here’s $200 please bring it to him, don’t tell your stepdad; your father is mentally ill; just agree with him already; make him stop pushing and pestering; he’ll never stop honey… just go with him, listen to him; believe his stories even if they’re crazy; but mother, what if I’m like him? I could be crazy too; schizophrenia is biological, science does prove; honey science proves nothing, just let it be; this is how your father started, it got to his head; Jesus is the answer; nothing is above him nor will anything ever be; do you really believe that all that research can prove anything other than God exists?