Writing is like pooping

Throughout my life I've occasionally had issues with staying "regular."

TMI, I know, but per my last article, I'm embracing cringe so there you go. Sometimes I can't shit.

Constipation is actually very common. It's probably happened to you too.

According to WebMD, my favorite place to go when I have a minor problem but really want it to ruin my day, around 2.5 million people visit their doctor each year due to constipation.

2.5 million! Imagine that number if it included everyone who can’t afford to see a doctor for not being able to shit!

Well anyways, thanks to constipation I have researched how to naturally get myself pooping “regularly" more times than I think is strictly necessary. And I came across some tips for getting things moving that I thought were particularly interesting.

First and foremost: when the urge hits, go!

According to this tip, it's important to go when you need to go, especially if you struggle with constipation. When your body finally blesses you with the actual urge to poo, by God let it poo. If you don't you'll regret it when the feeling is gone, never to return.

I've also heard that when you have time to poop, just sit and wait 15 minutes to see if anything happens.

I think this tip is more about trying to get your body to relax and do what it naturally knows to do.

Then, I’ve heard that if after you’ve waited you just simply can't go, don't force it, it will just make you more stressed, and strain your body.

Similar to when people say if you can't sleep it's actually better to get up and leave the room then lay there and try to force yourself to sleep, you don't want to associate the bathroom with stress and straining. So if after you've given it time it's not happening, move on to something else for a while.

All that to say that I think writing is like pooping.

Jumping in when you feel the urge is essential if you want it to feel organic.

If you wait too long, you might just lose it altogether.

Giving yourself a second with the blank page before just completely throwing in the towel is important to keeping the environment relaxed and remembering you know how to do this, you want to do this, you were born to do this, writing comes naturally to you.

But, if you’re anything like me, when all else fails, you find yourself resorting to some tried and true, although maybe problematic methods to get things flowing.

My personal favorite for a long time.

Drink it out.

The next morning I'm sure to find shit on the page, and stomach cramps leading to shit in the bowl.

Is the shit on the page good? No, but it's there.

Not a particularly safe, or gentle method, but it guarantees a result, even if a less than ideal one.

Drink some caffeine.

Coffee makes me poop. Coffee also makes me think for some reason I can finish a novel in 24 hours. I won’t. Instead I will just keep consuming cup after cup until I’m shaking and feeling really productive despite actually not accomplishing anything at all.

Another method I don’t recommend relying on.

(Although that being said you will have to pry the coffee from my cold, dead hands. I am not switching to tea, or whatever the freaking mud water is that YouTube ads keep suggesting to me.)

I don't have any great aspirations for my writing in 2024, but after a long lull of no writing at all I've decided that my only real hope is that I can start treating my writing the way I would, in an ideal world, treat my pooping.

I want to write when I feel inspired, about whatever I want.

I want to not think twice about if it's good, or what I wanted it to be, or how it will be received.

Y’all are lovely, but you aren’t the reason I write.

I write because similar to how I feel when I haven’t poo’ed, I feel stuck, heavy, and uncomfortable when I have something to say and don’t write.

I know this goal isn’t super specific but that’s kind of the point.

For once in my life I want to devote an entire year to embracing my intuition and just letting things happen when they want to, rather than trying to strategically control every aspect of my life.

I really don’t know how I never made the correlation until this morning as I strained…for words.

But writing for me is so much like pooping.

I go days feeling nothing and wonder if something is wrong with me? Should I seek advice from someone?

Then suddenly!

I get the urge, but then, I’m in a public place. How could I possibly, here?

So I wait, and then it’s gone, and the process repeats.

Painfully.

Until months go by and at best I’ve released small nuggets at a time.

Pieces of thoughts, but never anything substantial enough to feel good about. Nothing's ever quite finished and I’m never left feeling like I’ve really got it all out.

This year will be different, or so I aspire.

I’m typing this in my notes app on the subway currently. Public be damned! I will do this right here on the train and you can’t stop me!

I want to treat writing the way they say you should treat pooping. I want to be confident and comfortable enough to answer when inspiration calls, no matter what, and maybe someday I will be confident and comfortable enough to answer when nature calls too.