This is the Year

It’s been two years since I published my first story on Vocal. I should start by saying that I have a bittersweet relationship with writing. I have always loved writing, but I guess you could say I have commitment issues- apologies to my very patient fiancé- because for a long time I was never able to finish anything. I thought that maybe it was because I was trying to write novels and that was just too much for me. So, I thought short stories might be a good idea. But they all sucked. They felt dull and boring. I became someone with scraps of paper overfilling a box in my closet with half formed ideas and wandering thoughts. Folders of chapters that abruptly end. Approximately 100 notes on my phones that could go somewhere, but who knows?

Two years ago I came across Vocal and I loved the idea of it. The community, the ability to grow through the engagement, and the possibility to make money. It seemed to good to be true but I decided to give it a shot. It was TERRIFYING. I had never written anything to be put out for public consumption. The extent of my writing included one creative writing class my freshman year of high school, where I refused to read anything out loud because I have a fear of public speaking. I mean anyone would be able to see this, and logically I know, it’s like who is going to care or be bothered with little old me?

And then I just did it. I entered two challenges at that time and one of them placed as a runner up. It might not seem like much, or insignificant to some, but I was over the moon. For the first time I thought that maybe my writing isn’t awful. It felt like people who are better than me, know more than me, gave me a little nudge of encouragement. A small bump towards becoming a better writer.

The problem… in these two years I’ve only written 13 stories. That’s my first goal: Be consistent (shoutout to my fellow procrastinators). Stories From There are overtaking my notes and I really should deal with them. Wisteria started as a challenge and has slowly been turning into its own thing that I don’t even fully understand yet.

I want to read more on Vocal, especially now that there’s an app and it’s so convenient for reading. There is so much creativity on Vocal that it’s a bit overwhelming sometimes. I want to find my voice and my style. Figure out what genre I feel best in. Explore poetry, something I am not good at but still enjoy. Really deep dive into Vocal which I failed to do these last two years.

I think it’s easy to be overtaken by life. Work, kids, school… it can be a lot. And for the longest time I’ve just accepted that. But I miss the nights I would stay awake with the moon getting lost in words. Of course, I was about nine years younger and all-nighters don’t come quite as easy now. But the sentiment is there.

I want 2024 to be the year I become a writer. I don’t want much to be honest. I am cool as a cucumber with my 29 reads. I just really want to find my love for writing again. I want to see where I can go, what I can learn and from who, if I actually try. This will be my third year on Vocal, and I have a thing with three’s, so maybe this is it. It’s all lining up in a way that I don’t honestly get but is so blatantly obvious that I have to go along with it.

I have so many plans and goals for 2024 and I want this to be the year I go for the things I want. And, yes, maybe I say that every year, but I feel it this time. It just feels right. Like I’ve got all this bubbly excitement in my chest. Could it be heartburn? Yes. But I choose to believe otherwise. 2024 isn’t jsut going to be about my journey to becoming a better writer for myself, but it’s the year that I start doing other things things I’ve always put off. Mostly out of fear. And I don’t really want to be afraid anymore- I’m talking to you anxiety. It’s time for you to take the backburner for a little bit. Unless it’s public speaking.

Maybe I’ll share all the goals here someday. Somewhere I can go back to and reflect on how far I’ve come. I don’t know… I guess I’m just hopeful for all the possibilities this year has.

So, Vocal, I’m holding you to your word. I’ll see you at the end of the year, accountability buddy.