Life is kind of impossible to live right now. The people who were supposed to protect me, didn't, and somehow that's my fault? Sorry, I exist, need assistance and need you to do your job. I was supposed to be protected. I was supposed to be cared for. Instead, I have been gaslighted, harassed, threatened, and overall made to feel like a burden for a job that I thoroughly want to fight for. How is that fair?
Yes, I am disabled. But you were well aware of what it was, and I let everyone know about it the moment I knew what it was so it wouldn't be the biggest elephant in the room. Instead of going out of your way to actually be educated on the subject, you treated me like a burden. You treated me like a disease. I am human. What don't you get?
If you were me, I bet you that you couldn't endure this pain at all. It's not even just the disability that makes this life hard. I have lost everything and not once have you considered my mental health. You perform in front of a crowd of clowns and you are the biggest one of all. You have made a mockery of higher education and what it means to be a mental health advocate. It's only when it is convenient do you do your job and I will raise all hell if I have to, to get you to do it. The idea of me having to do that is really sad because you should want to do your job.
I ask you this, if it were you, if the roles were reversed between you and I, what would you hope to get from me as your advocate? Because all you have given me is pain and suffering. I have lost all patience in you. I have lost all the strive to do my best in this job, but I still do it anyway because that is who I am. That is my character.
I just applied for a promotion, and I know you're going to hold my disability over my head. I look in the mirror every day, I know I am disabled without everyone reminding me every 5 seconds. I know it's a hard job, but I am doing it, and I can do it. You created the environment that has aggravated my disability. If only you could take the rose-colored glasses off and see what I see; what everyone is begging you to see.
I've never asked for help. Ever. I always left everything alone and figured my way around everything by myself. So, you would think me coming and sobbing to you multiple times would be an indicator. No. Not to you. You left me to suffer. You are so bloody lucky that I have had someone in my corner helping me behind the scenes. They're moving on at some point but know that I am 10x worse than them and I will make your life hell, just as you made mine.
I know my life means nothing to you. It's quite clear. I continue to fight because I know there will be someone who comes along after me that will never have to endure this because I made sure that this fight ends with me. One way or another. I don't deserve this, but I will endure it so no one will ever know this pain.
But what if I weren't this strong? What if it was THAT bad? Why does it have to get to the point of someone making an attempt at their life for people to care? Why does there have to be a body for people to actually see the humanity? What happened to being kind?
I wish I could say this all to you, but I know damn well you'd probably fire me. Everyone has wanted me out since I set foot into the job. You won't win that fight. I am way too stubborn.
You better prepare for the war. I won't back down. I deserve to be treated as a human. I deserve to be heard.
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Comments (1)
Fantastic! Great story! I feel vulnerable and unsafe too a lot! And wish somebody would help’ very relatable!