The Journey Of A Lifetime

Around 3 years ago, I was 19/20 and not sure what I wanted to do with my life. There was quite a lot of uncertainty that would circle around in my head a lot of the time. One day, my boyfriend gave me the suggestion of writing down the thoughts that were making me feel stuck. So, I opened a notebook and started to write. It gave me a sense of relief that I hadn’t felt before. It made me feel like I could finally communicate what I was thinking, something I have struggled with for a while, something I have been doing my best to work on. This experience is what made me decide to post my very first vocal piece called “Family Isn’t Always Forever.”

Reading back through it with gritted teeth, expecting it to be a young girls’ hurtful ramblings, I was pleasantly surprised and reminded again about why I started this journey to begin with. I wanted to tell my story, hoping that my story would at the very least help one person out there not make the same mistakes I did. I don’t know if I have accomplished that, I ran out of things to say and I think I was tiring myself out emotionally writing such personal things but I enjoyed it. The feeling it gave me to finally get everything out. I didn’t want to stop. So, when I had written everything I could stomach and “finished” telling my story, I decided to be the voice for people who don’t have one anymore. To spread the voice of the unheard. The murdered. The victims of atrocious crimes who don’t get the opportunity to live their life. Tell their story. I really found myself doing this. I ended up starting a True Crime YouTube channel but have slowed down a bit recently (next video is in the works if anyone is interested).

My anxieties started to get on top of me. When people asked what I do, I didn’t quite know how to tell people I was writing and talking about true crime. I was proud of what I was doing but not everyone has the same reaction when it comes to talking about the human race and what we are truly capable of. I managed to secure funding for a journalism course which I successfully completed and passed with a diploma with honours! Now, it’s easier to tell people that I am a writer/journalist. Securing the qualification has given me something to continue pushing myself and complete my journey as a writer. My mission is to make this work for me, make this a full-time income, make my writing my job. I have not accomplished this yet, but this will not stop me.

When I look back, I realise that writing has been intertwined in my life the entire time. When I was just about to turn in to a teenager, I fell in love with writing songs because it was the only way I felt I could express myself (I still write songs today, when I feel the need too). That got me through the most traumatic years of my life thus far and continued into my healing journey. When I was 15 and started therapy, they suggested that I write in a journal to try communicate with my mother. It helped for a bit, some of the best memories I have with my mother were due to the book we used to write in. In the beginning, she really tried and it felt like we connected. It’s unfortunate that didn’t continue and grow into a relationship I have been longing for but these are the kinds of things that life throws our way to mould us into the people we become.

Where I am today, may not necessarily be where I wanted to be in my writing journey but I am still massively proud of myself. Proud for telling my story. Proud for telling other people’s stories. Proud for continuing even after convincing myself that I wasn’t good enough for this. Today, I continue to write true crime and have fallen in love with the art of fiction writing. I have so many ideas for different books that I am determined to write, maybe a journalist is the wrong route for me but that is something I am looking forward to finding out in this wonderful journey of life.